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Class _'5^ S 5A\___ 
Book_a£.3 Qui 
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COPmiGHT DEPOSIT 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 



GROTON SCHOOL 
VERSES 

1886-1903 




i 






PRIVATELY PRINTED 



Copt/right J 1904, hy William Amory Gardner 






LIBRARY Of CONGRESS 
TWO Copies Received 
MAY 6 1904 
Cepyriirbt Entry 

CLASS CL XXo. No. 

tSi^n. if- 

COPY B 



D. B. Updike, The Merrymount Press, Boston 



TO 

MR. AND MRS. JAMES LAWRENCE 

AND 

TO ALL GROTONIANS 



PREFACE 

The following verses contain a more or lessfoith- 
fod History of Groton School during' the better part 
of its twenty years of existence. The Christmas Poems 
formed apart of the annual fostivities at the Home- 
stead and usually took the form of a duet hetiveen 
Mr. Billings and Mr. Gardner in the capacities of 
Oracle and Questioner. Uifortunately Mr. Billings 
did not always preserve his MSS. and the Christ- 
mas Poems are in consequence often foagmentary. 
Thanks are due to Messrs. H. D. Chandler and 
J. Hinckley^ Assistant Poets in 1901, 

William Amory Gardner 



Groton School 
Easter, 190 Jt 



TABLE OF CONTENTS 

1886 BIRTHDAY 1 

1886 CHRISTMAS 9 

1887 BIRTHDAY 15 

1888 BIRTHDAY 23 

1889 BIRTHDAY 33 

1889 CHRISTMAS 43 

1890 BIRTHDAY 53 

1890 CHRISTMAS 63 

1891 BIRTHDAY 69 

1891 CHRISTMAS 81 

1892 BIRTHDAY 87 

1892 CHRISTMAS 99 

1893 CHRISTMAS 109 

1894 BIRTHDAY 119 

1895 BIRTHDAY 129 

1895 CHRISTMAS 141 

1896 BIRTHDAY 151 

1896 CHRISTMAS 165 

1897 BIRTHDAY 181 

[ ix ] 



CONTENTS 

1897 CHRISTMAS 193 

1898 BIRTHDAY 205 

1898 CHRISTMAS 219 

1899 GROTON CLUB OF HARVARD 239 
1899 BIRTHDAY 247 

1899 CHRISTMAS 263 

1900 BIRTHDAY 271 

1900 CHRISTMAS 287 

1901 BIRTHDAY 303 

1901 CHRISTMAS 323 

1902 BIRTHDAY 341 

1902 CHRISTMAS 359 

1903 BIRTHDAY 377 
1903 CHRISTMAS 397 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 



BIRTHDAY 

1886 

WELL, what a bouncing two-year-old! 
Was ever such a sight! 
Our infant School we celebrate — 
'T is two years old to-night. 

They talk of Western limestone air 

To make the fellows grow; 
But, bless me, ive are twice as big 

As just two years ago. 

I look about me, in this room, 

At all the dear old faces. 
It seems as if but yesterday 

When first you filled these places. 

And yet within these two short years. 
We 've made this infant thing 

The pride of the United States — 
A theme for bards to sing. 

In order to fathom this singular mystery. 
We must, in the first place, examine our history, 
And see unto whom all the praises are due — 
To all of the boys, or to just one or two; 
Although at first sight I 'm inclined to suspect 
That the former surmise is more likely correct. 
However, I think the chief causes we '11 find. 
If I pick out a few that occur to my mind. 

[ 1 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And first, without question, I think you '11 agree 

In awarding the palm of success to Rublee, 

Our only alumnus of whom we 're so proud. 

That though he 's but one he 's as good as a crowd. 

The first fruit of Groton, reward of our toil. 

Transplanted to flourish in Cambridge's soil. 

May he grow there in wisdom, if such things can be. 

Till he captures a summa cum laude degree. 

Having thus crowned the hero the foremost in peace. 
Now give me a moment to look, if you please. 
For the foremost in war, and when that is done, then 
For the first in the hearts of all countrymen. 

Now, when I consider the foremost in war, 
I am met, at first glance, by a dozen or more 
Who have carried our flag through the ranks of the foe. 
Though they sometimes get beaten, it's not always so. 
And the day draweth near when that 's over, we hope. 
When our heroes shall meet, with the prowess to cope. 
Of elevens from Hoppie's, and, chiefest of larks. 
The day when we meet on the field of St. Mark's.^ 

And first in the hearts of her countrymen all. 

Who have known her since she came among us last 

fall. 
Who have loved her each day that we knew her, the 

more. 
For the love she returned us so freely, and for 
Her own self, we '11 praise with a thirty times three, 
Our one, unapproachable, own Mrs. P. 

[ 2 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1886 

Thus having awarded the laurels to those 
To whom, in each matter, the School the most owes. 
Let us cast a brief glance on the changes we 've seen 
Since the year 'eighty-four, and October fifteen. 

Oh, where, oh, where is the red barn gone? ^ 

The lovely crushed strawberree. 
With the smuggler bold and the Lady Corinne ; ^ 

Oh, where, oh, where can they be? 

And what is this stately wing of brick,* 

With apartments rich and rare. 
And the newly developed menagerie show 

They tell us of up the stair? 

And now, as the shadows of evening fall. 

What sound salutes mine ear? 
Like a ship in distress, with a broken shaft, 

An artesian well I hear. 

And down by the river a symphony 

Of colours most dread to behold, 
A boat-house appears, of a greenish blue 

And horribly dirty old gold. 

And soon on our vision, amid the trees 

Of Gro ton's orchard green, 
A brand-new Gym shall arise and see 

Full many a wonder, I ween. 

But, chiefest of all the improvements new. 
The many a young recruit 
[ 3 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Who has joined our ranks since the days of old. 
And quickly has taken root. 

For while I am talking of boys that are new, — 
Why, bless me, how time does fly! — 

They 've become old boys of the dear old place. 
And know more about it than I. 

And Chauncey is getting as old as the hills. 
And Hoppin wears long-tailed coats. 

And Robb is a prefect, and most of the kids 
Are so many full-fledged goats. 

But some things are just as they used to be 

In the golden days of old. 
The black mark still holds iron sway. 

And Potsey ^ won't do as he 's told. 

And a crow's nest still is in Cochrane' s hair,® 
And McKuhn is as sniffy as ever;"^ 

And in spite of the sound of the chestnut-gong, 
Professor's ^ puns still are clever. 

And Mrs. McMurray can not play whist. 
And Goddard's still shaking to pieces; 

And the Groton quartette cannot find anywhere 
A tenor-soprano like Gleece's.^ 

And Cushing 's the same haughty sister of yore. 
And still pounds the shaky planner. 

Mr. Billings has ghost stories which he still tells 
In his quaint and delectable manner. 
[ 4] 



BIRTHDAY 1886 

Yes, every one, each of us, feels every year. 
As we see autumn's reds and its yellows. 
Though the months may roll by, and the seasons may 

fly, 

They 're the same old magnificent fellows. 

And as to the new boys, to mention their deeds 
'T would take us the rest of our lives 

To tell about Ashton and Neddy Cartere, 
Polk, Jay, Scott, King, Briskie, and Ives, 

Whose names I select from a dozen or more. 
And put in for the sake of the rhyme ; 

For to tell all the new boys, and what they have done. 
Would take, as I said, too much time. 

We 've got a museum of queer curiosities. 
Beautiful creatures, and horrid atrocities. 
All of which go to contribute their share 
Towards making our School such an institute rare. 

Hast heard the pup ^^ entune a song. 

Or witnessed the heifer ^^ play the fiddle. 

Or seen the fox ^^ the football kick. 

Or the boy with bears legs below his middle? ^^ 

Hast seen a biddy ^* run a race. 

Or a rabbit ^^ setting the style of collars? 

Hast seen a hen ^^ that 's six feet high. 

And a chipmunk ^'^ sporting among the scholars? 

[ 5 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

If not, poor wight, thou canst not know 
The wonders we have on exhibition. , 

For these, and things hke these, have raised 
The School to its present proud position. 



[ 6 ] 



NOTES 

^ Score 10-2. First touchdorvn made for Groton by Rev- 
erend W. G. Thayer, who afterwards — eheu! — became 
Head Master of our rivals. 

2 Burned by lightning, May, 1886. 

^ Gilpatrics sled. 

* The short dormitory — Brooks House. 

^ Austin Potter. 

^ A. Lynde Cochrane. 

^ R. B. Potter. 

8 Gordon K. Bell. 

9 J. G. Gilpatric. 

10 H. P. Whitney. 

11 S. V. R. Thayer. 

12 E. F. Fitzhugh. 
1^ C R. Sturgis. 

1* Warwick Potter. 

15 J. M. Hare. 

16 R. B. Potter. 

1"^ E. F. Chauncey. 



[7 ] 



CHRISTMAS 

1886 
[Fragment] 

Ting, Ting, Ting, 

I hear a tiny bell. 
The chestnut season now is past. 

Yes, sirs, I know it well. 
And yet you see as Christmas comes 

(Yourselves you have to blame). 
Though chestnutest of chestnuts, I 

Have come here just the same. 

If Blake or Bell could check their pens 

From filling the Grotonian 
With all their fierce poetic fire, 

I might not be the only one. 
But as you see they 're all used up. 

No room is left to doubt it, — 
Blake with maltreating Bugaboo,^ 

And Bell with verse about it. 

So once more I am called upon 

To tune my fiddle up. 
And sing a song of sixpence loud 

As our dear yellow pup.^ 
At the sound of the last mentioned word 

Did you see Howdy Cushing start .^ 
I must to some theme have referred 

That lies very close to his heart. 

[ 9 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Ah, yes! he is lonely to-night, 

The world is but frivolous stuff; 
He 's come here without his delight, 

His only adorable Snuff. ^ 
The digression forgive, I pray, 

I '11 do nothing more of the sort, 
But say all my little say 

In poetry spicy and short. 

A thought comes o'er me now and then 

As holidays arrive: 
What do the various gentlemen 

To keep themselves alive 
When all their occupation 's gone. 

And books are left behind.-* 
How do they pass the time forlorn .f* 

How occupy their mind.^ 

I asked a little bird to tell 

If they were n't bored to death. 
" Oh, no, they manage mighty well," 

Said he beneath his breath. 
"And if you won't give it away. 

Or only to a few, 
I '11 tell the sort of things they say. 

And also what they do." 

Sam Blagden — Ah! I need not tell 

How he the time beguiles. 
He casts upon New York the spell 

Of his enormous smiles. 

[ 10 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1886 

Webb * issues invitations for 

A little sausage party. 
With grape milk, buckwheat cakes and all 

That 's wholesome, crisp and hearty. 

But first he trims his flowing locks 

And clips his shaggy beard. 
Look at him now with parted mane — 

How exquisitely weird ! 
Professor ^ walks Fifth Avenue. 

The damsels — now don't wince — 
Set caps at him as did the maid 

Of Groton not long since. 

And Mr. Billings, every day 

Receives some telegram 
From Queen Victoria, Prince of Wales, 

Or John L. Sullivan. 

The Biddy ^ is resolved to gain 

Admittance to the Choir, 
For since Jim Hare got in, it 's plain 

The humblest may aspire 
To join the sweet-voiced tenor crew. 

So Austin he entices. 
Who duly tunes his phililoo 

While Biddy R. practises. 

Burgess upon arriving at 

The outskirts of the Hub, 
Pours ice water into his hat. 

And takes a morning tub. 

[ 11 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

This done, he scarce can wait an hour 

Unless it chance to rain, 
But if by luck there be a shower. 

He takes a bath again. 
At last he reaches Dedham's shore. 

But no contentment hath. 
Until some four or five times more 

He takes a thorough bath. 

Robb brushes out his siders straight, 

And whistles soft a tune. 
Appropriate to his old round face, 

Called, " Whiskers on the Moon." 
Parker don't lose a moment's space. 

But with some urchin small. 
Retires to some lonely place 

And practises baseball. 

For five days after reaching town 

Pete Jay will scarcely speak. 
He eats from dawn till sun goes down — 

This sometimes lasts a week. 
And then if he perchance is ill, 

'T is somewhat of a bore. 
But ne'er takes he the famed black pill. 

He eats for a week more. 

And Heifer Thayer "^ parades the streets 

In holiday attire. 
I cannot tell how much he eats, 

I did not dare enquire. 

[ 12 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1886 

But I can scarcely have a doubt 
He finds it great relief, 

To go on making himself stout 
On really black corned beef. 



[ 13 ] 



NOTES 

^ A beautiful hat belonging to Joe Hoppin. 

2 H. P. Whitney, 

'^ Mrs. Peabodys dog — abhorred of the Sixth Form. 

^ F. G. Webb — -Jirst hut owner. 

5 Gordon K. Bell. 

® Warwick Potter, 

^ S. V. R. Thayer. 



[ 14 ] 



BIRTHDAY 
1887 

WHEN summer days and summer joys 
Are over for our idle boys. 
They settle down to lessons sober. 
When presto! 15th of October 
Arrives, and they, forgetting study. 
Forgetting books and football muddy. 
With one accord fly learning's cloisters. 
Gird up their loins and gobble oysters. 
A little meal of rhyme and reason 
Put in, the edibles to season. 
Will not, I hope, go very wrong. 
Especially if not too long. 
So let 's treat in a manner cursory 
Our doings since last anniversary. 

I fain had devised an original form 

To dish up the story in sizzling and warm ; 

But bless me, what think you a fellow can do 

Who has to grind verse for such critics as you. 

Two or three times a year, on all manner of things! 

So forgive some monotony in what he sings. 

A nightingale warbles but one kind of tune. 

And is only expected to do that in June, 

While Christmas or autumn to you it 's all one. 

So forgive me if this is the best can be done. 

The events will be new, if the rhymes are the same 

And the versification a particle tame. 

[ 15 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Yet why should we change as the seasons roll on? — 
Groton School is the same, though the years may have 

gone. 
Though old boys may leave us and new take their 

places. 
Though our hearts may be sad as we miss their dear 

faces, 
The School is unchanged in its hopes and its aim. 
And its purpose, please God, shall be ever the same. 

When I returned to Groton green 

The first thing that I saw 
Was a hole in the ground men called my house, 

A hole and nothing more. 

And over that hole next spring I hope 

At Easter Monday's ball. 
Our dear head Madam will open the dance 

With one of our Freshmen tall. 

While Mrs. McMurray shall dance with me 

A stately minuet, 
With Gleesa,! McGinness ^ and Mr. Thayer 

To chasse and pirouette. 

I next beheld a verdant park 

With flowers rich and rare. 
And an onion patch all hedged about,^ 

And marked, "With greatest care." 

At present its fruit is widely spread 
O'er all the lawn around, 
[ 16 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1887 

"Please mayn't I pick yon onion up 
That fell on forbidden ground?" 

Oh! that is the song that greets mine ear 

Whene'er I walk abroad. 
For the onion is naught but a tennis-ball, 

Got there of its own accord. 

And the Gym is done, and we hope erelong 
That the Chapel will be through. 

And these are the outside sights I saw. 
So now for the others too. 

We 've a fine lot of kids arrived this year; 

Did you hear the youthful Bow- 
Ditch * exclaim the other night at tea 

A rich sonorous "Ow".^ 

There 's a boy with a healthy pair of lungs! 

And another powerful man 
Is among our ranks, an uncle of ours. 

One J. Something Sullivan.^ 

The fellows are bigger I needs must admit; 
There 's Austin/ his short breeches no longer fit. 
Just look at him now all rigged out in his best. 
He 's Bobby's own brother, just look at his vest! 
And — isn't it dismal? — when Christmas arrives, 
A sorrow will come to o'ershadow our lives; 
Those exquisite calves will be hidden from view. 
Let 's up and prevent it, it never will do. 

[ 17 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

The Bear's Legs ^ have shaken out two or three reefs 

And the fat little calves are now regular beefs. 

The Biddy® 's been seen to my own certain knowledge 

With a beaver, rigged up like a dude at a College. 

Do stop it all, boys, we can't let you grow old. 

Beware of the fate of our " Warrior Bold," ^ 

Whose friends have removed him, at least so they say, 

Because he showed signs of his hair turning gray. 

Perhaps you have noticed, I cannot recall. 

Such a gorgeous display of new clothes as this fall ; 

The dudes are outdone, and in dire despair 

Are selling their wardrobes and tearing their hair. 

While Rogers ^® would give his whole stock of cravats 

To get one of Dany Mull's ^^ white London hats. 

The reason they say is not hard to be guessed 

Why Cowdin and Jojo^^ so gayly are dressed; 

Old Europe received a great honour last summer, 

And these are some trifles the fellows brought from 

her. 
Have you noticed the accent that Smith ^^ has ac- 
quired? 
Mr. Billings says such a chose faisait him tired. 
Forgetting his English, while all the Sixth Form 
To be up to the rest have begun to reform 
Their accent, while Carter ^^ says du and rien, 
And Emmons puts on a new lug to besoin}^ 

Now talking of Europe a few words I 'd say 
About all your kindness ere we went away; 
The feast at New York ^^ is n't one to forget, 
'T was one of the jolliest ever I ate, 

[ 18 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1887 

Although the next day Howdy ^' took to his bed 
And th.) Biddy ^^ did hkewise and wished he were 

dead. 
While poor Mr. B. and the Rector looked pale, 
And most of the rest f-rn-sh-d f~d for the wh-1-. 
And the good Madam smoothed each poor sufferer's 

piller. 
Administering doses of Perry's Pain Killer. ^^ 
Yet it was n't the fault of the dinner I 'm sure, 
But some poisonous pills known as "Sea-sickness 

cure." 
So our thanks we would give, and to you the chief 

share. 
Chief cook of the dinner, Montgomery Hare. 

Well, it has been a great year, you all will allow; 
In athletics and studies we show the world how. 
To begin with the former, I proved quite a prophet. 
The St. Mark's game, remember, and what I said of it 
On last anniversary, wasn't it true.'* 
I^on't you recollect something about ten to two ? 

Alas, we can't do it again, for this year 
They don't seem to want us to, is n't it queer? 
They 'd rather descend to admiring history 
With naught but defeats from their sweet infant 
sistery.2^ 

Down by the winding river 

Where the Nashua lady ^^ dwells, 

[ 19 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And Sam ^^ with his hook, fat Jim ^^ with his book, 
Are the sights the traveller tells. 

A sound to my ears of frantic cheers 

Was wafted across the water. 
And I thought that some one was playing hob, 

Or something he had n't ought ter. 

'T was a horrible noise of stalwart boys. 

With Whitney at their head. 
And "Juniper, Juniper, hooray ah!" ^4 

Was the singular thing they said. 

A health to the crew and the gallant two 

Who covered their form with glory. 
And the paddlers bold of the tubs who told 

A decidedly different story. 

May the new sport flourish, may Nashua nourish. 

In these their boyhood's years. 
The nautical crews who are going to produce 

Next century's Volunteers. 

Now besides the crew we 've tennis-courts new, 

Goal-posts, gymnasium and all. 
And such like appliance to make us all giants. 

Like the Cubans,^^ so famous this fall. 

So athletics you see are as good as can be. 

And how about studies next? 
How about passing clear at Cambridge next year.^- 

That is only what Groton expects. 

[ 20 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1887 

For we 've cases ample to take as example. 

I 'd take off my hat were it on 
To our Freshmen three and our Soph'more Rublee, 

And advise you to do as they 've done. 

So long wave on high for many a year 

The black and red and white^ 
And a health to the School that we hold so dear 

On her three-year birthday night. 



[ 21 ] 



NOTES 

^ /. G. Gilpatric. 
^ F. Chauncey. 
^ The "lawn." 

* H. I. Bowditch. 

^ J. Amory Sullivan. 
^ Austin Potter. 
^ C. R. Sturgis. 

* Warwick Potter. He had been travelling with the Faculty 
in England, and was dressed accordingly. 

^ Gilpatric, whose age was proverbial. Famous for the song 

Warrior Bold and founder of the Groton Quartette. 

R. S. Rogers. 

E. S. Mullins. 

J. C. Hoppin. 

G. W. Smith. 

E. C. Carter, who could not be taught to jwonounce. 

Favourite expletive of R. W. Emmons, 2nd. 

Dinner at Brevoort House given by New York Groto- 

nians to travelling Faculty, July, 1887. 

H. G. Gushing — a poor sailor. 

Warwick Potter — another. 

Wonderful remedy discovered by a cousin of the Madam* s. 
^*^ Controversy about masters between St. Mark's and the 

"Infant School." 

21 ji green canoe belonging to the Chauncey family. 

22 S. P. Blagden. 
2^ James Binney. 

2* The Third Form cheer — invented by H. P. Whitney. 
^^ An amateur Football Eleven — predecessor of Emmons's 
famous Cuban Nine. 

[ 22 ] 



BIRTHDAY 
1888 

I AST Christmas, when I read to you 
-^ The product of my pen, 
I felt that I had done a thing 

I could not do again. 
Though boys are new, yet gags are old. 

And rhymes have lost their jingle, 
Yet as the season comes once more, 
Once more my fingers tingle. 

This fact and birthday thoughts combined 

To colour my ideas 
With scraps of old philosophy 

Appropriate to our years. 
Chestnuts in general are the theme 

Of this, my little sermon. 
Perhaps a lesson they contain 

Useful as Greek or German. 

Four years are gone, each differing. 

And yet each much the same. 
And some things that once seemed such fun 

Perhaps may now seem tame. 
The happiest man is he who finds 

As years go hurrying by 
That, though the world is getting old. 

His heart is young for aye. 

Though legs may grow and minds unfold, 
What once was worth endeavour 

[ 23 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Is worth it now, and what is good 

That shall be good forever. 
So if the School was worth our love 

Four years ago, 't is true 
It will be so when we are old. 

Though offering nothing new. 

Monotony is not a bore 

If energy is there; 
Life is monotony to some. 

No matter when or where. 
Forgive my sermon — 'tis a theme 

That anniversary brings 
Up to my mind, as I sit down 

To write the same old things. 

These same old things are dear to me 

In all this world of change; 
Some things my heart ne'er wanders from, 

In search of new and strange. 
But not to practise what I preach 

Until this metre 's stale, 
I break right off and change the tune, 

So listen to my tale. 

I drifted along one summer's morn 

O'er ocean's upheaving breast. 
And I noticed a lad of appearance sad. 

Who looked as if needing rest. 
" Oh, what are the wild waves saying to thee. 

Miss Ryan?" ^ I said aloud; 
[ 24 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1888 

The answer was drowned by a gurgling sound, 
As she clung to the quivering shroud. 

The month it was August, the scene a ship. 

The place was near Frenchman's bay. 
The occasion — like one that occurred before 

To Bolly and Blake and Jay.^ 
What the waves were saying just then, I fear 

Would recall but pain to some, 
But I fell asleep, and the waters deep 

This ditty began to hum — 

"The waves of time are rolling by, 

Perhaps you 'd like to know 
What 's going to become of that School of yours 

As the waters onward flow. 
A silence profound shall hang around 

That sacred hall of learning. 
Not a pin-fall heard, not even a word. 

By the ear of the most discerning. 

"Mr. Billings dozes, his book he closes 

('T is afternoon school of course). 
And a somnolent air is everywhere. 

And the black mark has spent its force. 
A distant growl becoming a howl, 

A wail! a shriek! ! a yell! ! ! 
Like thunder and lightning combined in one. 

Unexpectedly breaks the spell. 

"Mr. B. starts up, all faces are pale. 
He seizes a pen and ink. 
[ 25 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Meantime, once more is heard that roar. 
You really can't hear yourself think. 

And this is the letter he dashes off: 
'^Dear Madam, just throttle Mike, 

Or Micky, or Malcolm, or Mucker, at once. 
Or anything else you like.' 

"This note is despatched 'mid a storm of shrieks. 

Redoubled faster and faster. 
And the Madam declines for the next three weeks 

To speak to that reckless Master. 

"A flood shall occur, unless I err. 

Sometime in the early fall. 
And if 't were n't for Fitzhugh's old tennis shoes ^ 

'T would drown the inhabitants all. 
But they serve as boats, and each traveller floats 

Past the cellar's deeps and snares. 
And the juniper shout * eggs on the rout. 

Class races below the stairs. 
And Robb will make sport of the weather report. 

And say that the rainfall here 
For the month has been fully umsty steen 

Times as much as in town in a year. 

"That excellent dish, the succulent fish. 

Shall continue to grace the board. 
And the corned beef red, I have heard it said. 

Much sustenance shall afford. 
Van Rensselaer Thayer will have a great scare 

From a corpse in a pair of pijarms; 
[ 26 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1888 

He '11 give a loud yell, while Professor Bell 
Looks on at his wild alarms. 

"Just keep your eye open by and by. 

And observe that queer condition 
Of Professor Bell's, how his lower chest swells 

When he's 'taking a soldier's position!' 
A perfect host of squibs on toast 

Will be served at all times and places. 
Either cold or warm, by the gallant form 

Which Scott or Burgess graces. 

"I don't like to mock a Faculty clock. 

But I think it my duty to say 
Mr. Ayrault 'd do well his timepiece to sell. 

Or better, to give it away; 
For it plays him such tricks, he retires at six. 

And but for the merest luck 
He might have held Algebra classes at dawn. 

Or Physics at seven o'clock. 

"A wonderful kind of spelling shall find 

Much favour in Cochrane's eyes. 
The familiar hand you will understand 

If you substitute E's for Y's. 
And B's for C's and A's for D's, 

And then if you carefully look 
At it upside down, and squint and frown, 

'T is the purest of Volapiik. 

"I 'm sorry to say Barnewall 's going away. 
For we '11 miss his graceful curves 

[ 27 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

On the baseball arena; I 'm sure he has been a 
Sore trial to Southborough's nerves. 

"But November ten shall witness again 

The waving of colours three. 
Black, red and white amid frantic delight. 

And St. Markers, oh, where will they be ? ^ 
For the infants tall without clubs and all 

The giants shall put to rout. 
And triumphal cheers shall salute the ears 

Of the dwellers round about.® 

^^On October fifteen you will see, I ween. 

Our flowers and prides and joys. 
The Grotonians old restored to the fold. 

Our dear old original boys. 
Gilpatric appears advanced in years. 

His broken leg quite well. 
He had a row with an elderly cow 

Last summer, as you 've heard tell. 

"And the Golden Hen'^ will be there again. 

For they tell me it is n't true. 
He 's an ornament bright and the chief delight 

Of the class of 'ninety-two. 
A pleasant surprise will greet your eyes 

Revisiting the School; a 
Gentleman ^ who, we hardly knew. 

Had already escaped from the cooler. 

" He slew one day in heartless play 
The innocent, happy sea-gulls, 
[ 28 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1888 

Now he 's poor in purse and we 're glad it's not worse. 

It cost him ten golden eagles. 
You '11 be glad to see Mr. George Rublee, 

And to hear the style of ball 
Which Fitzhugh insists is the one exists 

Upon Jarvis Field this fall. 

"When we heard Sunday last that he 'd braced up the 
Varsity, 

We feared he 'd do something rash, 
But the only limb he has lost so far 

Is his beautiful black mustache. 
Would that all could come, but, alas, though some 

Shall be far away that night. 
You '11 think of each one in the midst of your fun 

And wish them a future bright. 

"We 'd tell you more, but we dare not, for 

Our sight is somewhat short. 
And we don't want to make any grave mistake. 

So we give but a month's report. 
May the School progress, nor her shadow grow less. 

Though her pride depart each year; 
In the larger school of the world may her sons 

Hold her precepts ever dear." 

The waves stopped singing, but in my heart 

Arose a loving prayer. 
That God might guide us this coming year 

With His gentle and tender care. 

[ 29 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And that when it has passed, as it must at last. 

And our leaders say good-bye. 
That we who stay, when they 're gone away, 

May hold her banner as high. 



[ 30] 



NOTES 

Warwick Potter — passenger on Yacht Rebecca. 
N. T. Robb. 

Fifteens. He held the record till surpassed by H. Rich- 
ards. 

Fourth Form cheer. 
Fifty-two to nothing! 

Fable in Grotonian by G. B. Blake : The Giants^ the 
Infants and the Dwellers Round About. Giants = St. 
Mark's. Infants = Groton. Clubs = Masters. 
R. B. Potter. 
H. Hathaway — -fined for gull shooting in holidays. 



[ 31 ] 



BIRTHDAY 

1889 

I WON'T begin to tell my story yet. 
Since that 's the way with poets laureate, 
Until I shed some tears 
About the trials I 've been through 
In trying to get something new, 
Unmentioned in past years. 

When I sat down and took my pen, 
I pondered for a time, and then 

To write some squibs I tried. 
"There 's no one 's been a bit ridiculous. 
There 's not a joke that 's left to tickle us," 

In blank despair I cried. 

If this performance comes each year, 
I shan't have left one new idea 

To put into my rhyme. 
I don't know what to write about. 
My little jokes are all played out. 

And have been for some time. 

'T is true the kids have never heard 
Of our old chestnut jokes a word. 

And yet they know my style. 
My Sunday squibs ^ upon the board 
No longer merriment afford 

And scarcely raise a smile. 

[33] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And yet here comes our birthday round, 
Some entertainment must be found 

To help digest our meal. 
Before we turn to rougher play 
And with the graduates ballet 

In the Virginia reel. 

So while I dress up my ideas 

In rhymes you 've heard the last five years, 

Just give me your attention. 
And if you think, without excuse, 
I 've plagiarized from Mother Goose, 

The fact you need n't mention. 

Ride a cock-horse 
To see Popper Cross,^ 

And hear him recite his Greek. 
If he puts iodine 
On his brain, I opine 

It will strengthen the part most weak. 

How doth the luckless Willie Hare 

Delight to bark and bite. 
Though now, alas, he '11 bite no more 

Since his eventful fight. 

Beware the name of Sullivan, 

Beware the champion's fist. 
Perhaps New Jersey 's never heard 

Of Boston's pugilist. 

. [ 34 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1889 

Percy Haughton came to Groton 

On an autumn day. 
Heiferfinger ^ hove in sight, 

"Aw let me gaw/' he 'd say. 
And oh, it doth our hearts dehght 

To see the kids at play. 

Rabbi Ben Issachar/ — may his tribe increase, — 
Got the school-room floor all covered with grease; 

The audience saw him perform on his knees 
A menial job, and he 's since had no peace. 

He frightened Beef Meredith's poor little brother ^ 
Till he could n't tell one verb from another. 

Since then at all gladiatorial shows. 

He 's president, dressed in rabbinical clothes. 

Jack Sprat could eat no fat. 

The Heifer can't eat fish, 
I notice, however, that almost never 

He anything left in the dish. 

Biddy ^ had a little pipe, 

Its colour brown as dirt. 
And every time that Biddy smoked, 

His health was sadly hurt ; 
He smoked it all one summer morn. 

Soon after leaving School, 
Next time we met he looked forlorn. 

And said he 'd been a fool. 

[ 85 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Rub-a-dub dub, I 've ate so much grub 

I don't know what to do. 
For Rogers and I '^ had a race eating grapes. 

Oh golly, Oh golly. Boo Hoo! 

Hark! Hark! St. Mark, St. Mark, 

In Lancaster's fair town. 
Boys in rags and waving flags. 

Hurrah! for Groton's down. 

Now you have 'em, now you don't. 

Master or no master. 
Now we will, and now we won't. 

Do make your minds up faster. 

Burly Bob will do the job 

At that not distant day. 
Uncertain people often are 

Uncertain in their play. 

George Smith of Williamstown 

Went to School on Monday, 
Graduated Tuesday, 

Went to College Wednesday, 

Woke a Soph'more Thursday, 

Joined a fraternity Friday, 
Got a pin on Saturday 

To astonish the natives Sunday.^ 

One poor mouse 

In the Prefect's part of the house, 
[36 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1889 

He frightened poor Austin most out of his life. 
Bob Emmons seized hold of a carving knife. 
The noise was like kids when engaged in strife. 
Poor small mouse. 

I watched the drill last Wednesday till 

I almost died of laughter. 
Majestic trod the awkward squad. 

With Converse-ation ^ after. 

To Catsy Polk ^^ a mournful joke 

Occurred one summer's day. 
Oh, the suffering sore of the Commodore 

Of the fleet of Black Rock Bay. 
The Rebecca beheld the most pitiful sight 

She had seen for many a day. 

Wicked Jimmy Sullivan, 
Naughty little gentleman. 

Out upon you, fie! 
Instead of feasts in your new hut 
You gave me sausage, true, — ah, but 

It hit me in the eye. 

Edgy ^^ got into a laugh one day. 

And laughed himself black in the face. 

At Chapel he 's undertaker now, 
A most appropriate place. 

"I'm better to-day," I heard the child say. 
As he lay in his little white bed. 

[ 37 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

"My winter flannels are on — with love 
Moncure" — was all he said.^^ 

Who's handsome Eddy?^^ 

"I know full well/' 

Said Professor Bell, 
'^But I won't tell/' he cried. 

The gentleman said nothing, but 
He "blushed with modest pride." 

There was a little Flam ^* 
And although he did n't cram. 
All full of learning was his little head, 
head, head; 
So brilliantly he shines. 
In all literary lines 
That it 's turned his wavy locks a gorgeous 
auburn, auburn, auburn. 

Mr. B., Mr. B., where have you been? 

I got on my horse and he galloped like sin. 
Mr. B., Mr. B., where did you go.'' 

He tore to the stable while I shouted Whoa. 

'T is the voice of the Pect'ral,^^ — I heard him declare 
To the Varsity Glee Club, "I'll sing you an air;" 

As the door on its hinges, so he with his voice 
Makes Harvard resound with mellifluous noise. 

There was a man in our School 
And he was wondrous wise, 

[ 38 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1889 

He 's brother to the gentleman 

With astigmatic eyes; 
They call him Calf or little Veal/^ 

Diminutive of Beef, 
Sum never takes an object, dear, 

In the "accusatif." i^ 

Heigh diddle diddle. 

Six feet round the middle. 
Bow window ^^ was sitting on Calf, 

The little dog ^^ laughed to see the sport. 
And we all know the Whitney laugh. 

Yes! five long years have past us flown, 

I 've seen them come and go 
Since I was just old Foxy's ^^ age. 

Till now I 'm white as snow. 
My little squad of table boys 

Is now reduced to three. 
How well I can remember now 

The blushes of Austin ^^ wee, 

How Meredith Hare and I 'd dispute. 

And Bob cried, "Sick him, Towser," 
And Edgy's big brother put little black dolls ^^ 

In the pocket of my trouser. 
And yet as I look about to-night 

And see so many faces 
Of those we 've loved for these five years 

In their accustomed places, 

[ 39 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

I almost think it 's all a dream 

And we are back once more 
At the fifteenth of October 

In the year of 'eighty-four. 
When the Rector and Mr. Billings and I 

Retired to bed at ten. 
And rang the outside bell and gongs. 

For there were no prefects then; 

Ere our dear Mrs. P. had come to the School, 

And Malcolm did n't exist. 
And Robb was a kid and so was the Bid, 

And MuUins a vocalist. 
Oh ! the Groton quartette, I remember yet. 

And often I have told 
How well Horatio ^^ crossed the bridge 

In the brave days of old. 

And Bearsy ^* was, oh, such a sweet little boy. 
And Cochrane was, oh, such a pickle. 

And the Golden Hen ^^ had love affairs. 
But even then was fickle. 

Oh ! boys of to-day, may you be true 
To the standard the old boys raise. 

May the School be as proud of her younger sons 
As of those of bygone days ! 



[ 40] 



NOTES 

^ Mr. G. Hopes 2 C his friends at T. 
^ W. R. Cross — painted biceps with iodine to make him- 
self strong. 
3 S. V. R. Thayer. 

* Ellery Sedgwick — later a Master. 

5 J. D. Meredith. 

^ Warwick Potter — a Freshman. 

"^ A. R. Sargent. 

^ And was married almost immediately after. 

® H. C. Converse — John Bofies, Archbishop of Groton- 

bury. 

F. L. Polk — a Sound Yachtsman. 

Reverend E. F. Chauncey — an ungovernable laugher. 
^ Moncure Robinson s telegram to his grandmother. 
3 E. B. Bartlett. 

* J. S. Francis. 

^ X. Tremain — Cherry Nose; hence j Cherry Pectoral. 

6 J. D. Meredith. 
New Jersey and Pennsylvania pronunciation of words 
endijig in ive. 

^ W. A.M. Burden — Rex Hcedorum, King of the Kids. 
Payne Whitney. 

20 E. F. Fitzhugh. 

21 Austin Potter. 

22 St. Valentine favours from D. C. Chauncey. 

2^ H. Bigelow. 1st Hare and Hounds run. Rescued from 
R. R. bridge. 

24 C. R. Sturgis. 

25 R. B. Potter. 



[ 41 ] 



CHRISTMAS 

1889 
[Fragment] 



You know the mid-terra tests we had. 

Our Sixth Form all got A, 
And lost, by overdoing it. 

Their B half holiday. 

«I guess that I will try the Choir, 

My voice might well be worse. 
They need sopranos to sing higher," 

Says slouchy John Converse. 

Oh, have you seen my map of Greece? 

Have you read my proclamations. 
In flowing style to decipher which 

Needs liberal educations? 

Oh, fie ! my friends, beware 

Of sudden retribution. 
You 're wasting the precious chalk 

Of the pauper institution. 

I looked through the catalogue one day. 

And fluttering o'er its leaflets 
I found such a joke — Now what do you think 

Was the middle name of Beeflets.'^ ^ 

Four hats in the confiscation closet 
Six days in the week kept in. 

[ 43 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

You hardly need to ask what was it, 
'Twas Dennis, what could it have been? 

''Now stop the play," the Captain cried, 

"Let everybody wait. 
A brand-new theory Freddy ^ has. 

One that he wants to state." 

"Oh, Bob, why couldn't this be done — 
Our stalwart guards can shield 

The backs so well that I will snap 
A goal from centre field?" 

The waves they wobble with wavy motion. 
The eels may squirm in the billowy ocean. 
But what is the wobbliest, squirmiest thing 
You ever beheld in your wandering? 

Many quivering quakes have met mine eyes, 
But for willowy grace — I confess surprise 
That you need to ask — Just look! Look there, 
'Tis Wobbly Willie, the Jersey Hare.^ 

"Oh, where have you been, Billy boy, Billy boy?* 

Oh, where have you been. Little Billy?" 

"I 've been pulling big chest weights. 

Though it 's something my soul hates, 

I 'm a fat boy and somehow must get thinner." 

"To play centre rush, Billy boy, Billy boy. 
To push Murray Forbes, Little Billy?" 
"Yes, and he will have to hustle, 

[ 44 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1889 

If he beats me with his muscle, 

We are fat boys and somehow must get thinner." 

'^Who threw the putty I got on my pants 

And my hat and my coat and my face and my hands? 

Speak, kind friend, who was it, please, 

Got the school-room again all covered with grease?" 

The two, who threw what they had n't ought ter. 

Were Gerard and the lovely Farmer's Daughter.^ 

Pray, tell me what are these shrill cries? 

What makes this dismal noise? 
These wails that on the air arise — 

Is 't playful cats or angry boys? 

"I 'm quite too awfully furious. 

My nerves are all unstrung. 
Our Club is scorned — it's curious. 

Our songs are all unsung." 

"Well, let it go, it 's better so. 

We 're young boys — there 's the rub. 

You have to be old, not musical. 
To join the real Glee Club."^ 

Can you tell why Mr. Gladwin 's pale? 
Is he ill? Good friend, what can him ail? 
I 'm afraid that something has gone wrong. 
For he 's certainly looking far from strong. 

The wife of the dancing master smiled. 

Can you wonder he turned as weak as a child? 

[ 45 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

He buried his face in a bushy beard 

To escape the smile of that woman weird. 

Oh, come. Dr. Warren, come over and see 
What matter there is with my wretched old knee. 
I 've swaggered for one that we never have met, 
I 've never been caught in a mesh of your net. 
My muscle is broken, but no one can wait. 
My knee-cap is floating, a terrible state. 

On came the physician without any vest; 
Through all the small village his steed was the best. 
Save douches and plaster, he weapons had none. 
Fire gleamed in his eye as he rode all alone. 
"The last one," he shouted, "I gladly will come, 
All masters and boys have been under my thumb." 

Have you seen little Rouge.? "^ He 's simply 
huge, 

'T would fill you with delight. 
What on earth does he say in his artless way 

Just after his daily fight.? 

"Mein Herr! Die Katze! Was is dass? 

Ich punschen Sie das Head. 
Gut' Nacht, mein Freund! Hoop la! Come on! 

Ich schlag' das Beeflein dead." 

"Please, sir," to me a small boy cried, 

"No black marks can I write; 
My sleeves were long, a big boy tied 

My hands quite out of sight." 
[ 46 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1889 

Who did it? — No, he will not tell ; 

But stay, the rascal 's caught. 
Who 'twas we all now know full well ^ — 

'T was tied with a sailor's knot. 

"Chop that wood up quickly! 

Get your hands all dirty! 
Go to work like busy B's! 

Briskie, Bill and Bertie." ^ 
This I overheard in the forest t' other day- 

Who 's the tyrant thus to make 
Three lazy boys obey? 

Hush! he might hear and lick you. 

Keep it dark, be sure. 
The mighty man of valour 

Is the terrible Moncure.^^ 

Jack!! 11 
Alack!! 
Thwack ! ! 
Crack ! ! 
Is it murder? 

No, it 's fun, 

Sellery 's having with his chum 

The "Senior Prefect" and Fleissiger Freund. 

"Rethpect the Rabbi and learn to mind." 

Where did you get those socks? 
Where did you get those hose? 

[ 47 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

/ want some Plymouth Rocks 
About the shade of those. 

Bertie ^^ had a dozen pair 

LoveUer than the dawn. 
Patten called them loud. 
So Bertie the proud 

Just sold them for a song. 

Can you speak the language the prefects speak? 

If so, you 're more clever than I. 
I 've been practising now about a week. 

And should like to hear you try. 

Mose Coony — a good old Saxon word; 

Frowzee — a Dickens term; and 
DuBuck, Mein Schmutziger and besoin — 

It 's the Sixth's idea of German. 

Why are the boudoir walls so bare? 

Where is the bric-a-brac? 
What are the distant wails we hear 

Mingled with many a thwack? 

Oh, nothing, Malcolm 's swallowed up 

A china candlestick, 
A work-box, chair, and photograph. 

And now perhaps he 's sick. 

Last week he tore the books all up. 
This week he smashed the clock, 
[48 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1889 

Twisted the fender into bits. 
Spilt ink upon his frock. 

Amid the ruins of the room 

He sat him down and smiled. 
One must not complicate the tastes 

Of such a simple child. ^^ 

Elihu has sent us a messenger^* 

To tell us to "feed our faces." 
This evening "sure" 'twere footless to fail, 

And how much that word embraces. 

The concert's been "smooth" the singing "slick/' 
Quite "chast/' as Elihu would say. 

"Oh, Easy," we all reply with a shout — 
Is our language the style of the day.^* 



Old Christmas comes to us again. 

Old and yet always young. 
With Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men, 

The song by angels sung. 

Once more with music and with mirth 

The Homestead Hall is gay. 
The joy of our Redeemer's birth 

Fills us once more to-day. 

From far and near old Groton's sons 
Return to join the cheer 

C 49 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

That warms our hearts at Christmastide 
With each revolving year. 

Though tempests fierce may rage without 
And darkness shroud the earth, 

The Star that shone on Bethlehem 
To light our Saviour's birth — 

Oh, may it shine within our hearts 
When the world's storms shall beat; 

Through cold and darkness may it guide 
To Bethlehem our feet. 

Ah, memories of Christmastide, 

The Light Divine shall shed 
A radiance upon our souls 

From that poor lowly bed. 

There as we kneel before the Child, 

To guide us on our way. 
Out of the storm and darkness wild 

Unto His perfect day. 



[ 50 ] 



NOTES 

^ Joseph Dennie Meredith. 

2 F. Gilhooly Webb. 

3 W. H. Hare. 

* W. A. M. Burden. 

^ D. Farringion. 

^ H. R. Remsen, Duke ofBilgewater, started a Glee Club 

which was suppressed by a mob. 
"^ Flambard — J. S. Francis. 
^ R. W. Emmons. 

^ G. Z. Gray, W. S. Patten and R. M. Winthrop. 
^^ Moncure Robinson. 

^^ John Adams after diving from his window in his sleep 
was compelled to room with Ellery Sedgwick of the Sixth 
Form on the ground floor. They often disagreed. Each 
was nicknamed Buck. 
12 R, M. Whithrop. 

1^ Quotation from the Madam's '^^ Precepts for Parents.'' 
1* Pierre Jay. 



[ 51 ] 



BIRTHDAY 

1890 

ROUND flies the wheel of time^ the year is past, 
. And, lo. Page one, first Volume, Chapter last, 
A fat and lively Volume top, still growing bigger. 
Quite three to one of what it was, or near that figure. 
To satisfy these numerous appetites 
Taxes a cook these Annivers'ry Nights, 
And taxes worse the wretched poet's wit 
On each and all of all this horde to sit; 
Especially, since lately he 's been taught 
Sitting holds dangers of unlooked-for sort. 
Whoever dreamt of such a deadly snare, 
A piece of chewing-gum beneath the chair. 
So looking carefully throughout the list 
Of victims as on mills to grind his grist. 
He has selected two or three as fit 
And safe, whereon he now proceeds to sit. 

Fat Frank, the fleshy Frenchman,^ 

Is visiting this shore. 
So we 've made him Fancy Corpulent 

Of our military corps. 
With gleaming lance 
He will proudly prance 
At the head of the marching column. 

And gayly prod 

The awkward squad 
With an air quite "To To" solemn. 

[ 53 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Behind him, mid the bravest. 

The skirmish line advances. 
With all the fighters well in front 

And those with warlike fancies. 
Sing, Muse, the valiant warriors, 

No Hectors here nor Troys, 
But epic verse to celebrate 

A troop of Groton boys. 

The fighting men of Scotland, 

The Douglases of yore. 
The Sullivans of Boston, 

Could learn the art of war 
From their namesakes and admirers 

Of this more recent date. 
With doughty Robeson Sargent 

Their zeal to stimulate. 
Oh! doughty Robeson Sargent 

A-sitting in the grate. 
And Johnny Rogers fighting hard 

For fear he might be late. 
Run, Johnny, run, the bell has rung. 

Run Mighty Sargent too. 
Or Henry Clews and Freddy Hale 

Perchance may hustle you. 
By the way, I 'm glad to see Freddy here. 

He thought he might n't do so. 
But stay all alone in the School forlorn 

Like a lonely Robinson Crusoe. 
In warfare of old we often read 

Of deadly battering-rams, 
[ 54 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1890 

But the army corps which I next discuss 

Consists of no such shams. 
No battering-rams we now possess. 

As our ignorant ancestors did. 
But the modern style of artillery 

Is the deadly Rollicking Kid. 

He 's of various kinds — now short and fat. 

With newspaper clippings inside his hat. 

And funny ideas on this and that. 

And answering to the name of Pat.^ 

Or then again, he is long and thin. 

And studies when he 's not kept in. 

The queerest type I have ever met — oh! 

So long drawn out like an odd stiletto.^ 

I might have said something more severe. 

But five good pounds of Huyler 

Have arrived for the gentleman hinted at 

Reserved for his reviler. 

Sometimes it acts with silent grace. 

With a smile on its Ameseable ^ face. 

And another kind goes with a shriek and a scream 

Like little Joe Meredith letting off steam. 

One speaks a queer language that none understands ; 

We call it a Jaffray^ — from foreign lands; 

One speaks not at all — like Baker ^ you know; 

And one all the time, Bertram Longjumeau.'*' 

Oh ! we do these things better than olden times did. 

No battering-ram *s like a Rollicking Kid. 

* [ 55 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

The Commissariat is in charge 

Of a Burden ^ of proportions large. 

With chewing-gum, stingarees and tongue 

And a box of MelUn's Food for the young; 

While ammunition is supplied 

In the shape of powder scentified. 

Cosmetics, puffs, and what you like 

In the cubicle of his brother Ike.® 

The nobility and gentry 

Bring up the next array, 
Third-Formers chiefly with haughty mien 

And an impressive way. 
Long John, the Lord Archbishop, ^^ 

From Falmouth's distant sand. 
And his disgrace the great Ex-Duke 

Of Bilgewater ^^ so grand. 
Hail to the Noble Wagstaff 

Of Hoboken the pride. 
Whose voice by a regular vocatrice 

Has recently been tried. 
And who sings in such exquisite tenor strains 

Those tunes of which cows have died. 
And a rumour got round not long ago 

About the Adams boys. 
That on state occasions they are dressed 

As Little Lord Fauntleroys.^^ 

And Lord High Chamberlain Barret ^^ 
With a single glass, oh my ! 

[ 56 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1890 

And other Lords in waiting 

From other forms march by, 
Each squinting Hke anything to keep 

The glass within their eye. 
And I had a gag upon Moncure ^* 

Which he wouldn't let me write; 
He '11 tell it to you, though, I 'm sure. 

If you question him to-night. 
And the old boys have a special place 

In this part of the procession: 
They are our true nobility 

When College is in session. 
We welcome our youngest Harvard Kid, 

Our only original Buck ; ^^ 
And the rest of the crowd of olden days. 

And wish them the best of luck. 

A special war correspondent follows. 
Who all the facts and rumours swallows 
To produce forty pages of news on Sunday 
With a column of advertisemei^ts Monday. ^^ 

The body of the army corps. 

As army corps should be. 
Is armed with Greeks and Algebras 

And fighting shy of me. 
One soldier thinks all problems solved 

When once you 've learned to Tweak 'em.^"^ 
And Scottyi^'d be good at dead languages 

If he only could learn to speak 'em. 

[ 57 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And Jerry ^® is always in abstract thought. 

And Dexter ^^ is always so meek 'em, 
And there's music in e'en the inflection of verbs 

When you listen to Schmitty ^^ squeak 'em. 
And Freddy Hale thinks an Answer Book 

Were an excellent Vade-Mecum. 
But one and all we do dearly love 

To hear the old Cat's ^^ Greek 'um, 
And I thought of a squib on Williams ^^ too. 

But it was so awfully weak 'um. 

Behind them marches a bigger throng 

With war-paint on of brilliant red ; 
I need n't tell you which foiTQ this is. 

This is n't a squib on its worthy head.^^ 
But if ever you want a taste of war 

Where the enemy killed is Father Time, 
Just ask those fighters the uses for 

The Future Optative — not in rhyme.^^ 

The column passes onward. 

And next all eyes behold 
The blinker and the thinker 

Like Socrates of old.^® 
Take heed the line, stand firm and true. 

Look out for Uncle Rawle, 
He 's a terrible fellow for snaking through 

When once he 's got the ball. 
And although this is no football field. 

When he sees the marchers lined, 

[ 58 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1890 

They might get suddenly head-over-heel'd 
He has such an absent mind. 

The music of the army corps 

Is largely instrumental. 
Young Peter Bowditch ^^ handles his drum 

In a manner most ungentle. 
And Jerry executes a roll 

Which makes the windows rattle; 
While Sullivan's ^^ tricks with his two drum-sticks 

Recall a regular battle. 
But the vocal music consists of Cross,^^ 

Who sings an obligato. 
Accompanied by the Peabody babes 

In high-pitched modulato; 
While a very impressive "Newport Air" 

Accompanies the strain, — 
"The Burden ^^ of the Song/' 'tis called, — 

And a Dog^^ barks the refrain. 
This Dog requests a bind or two 

About poor Henry Clews 
To make him blush — it might be done. 

But really what's the use.^* 
What use in multiplying squibs 

Or writing jokes by dozens? 
There 's Barney ^^ who will blush instead. 

His blushiest of cousins. 

The officers I would next describe. 
But I fear I might be so amusing 

[ 59 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

That Corporal Chauncey ^^ would act in a way 

That really would be confusing. 
If I got off one of my worn-out squibs 

On Patten or Briskie Gray, 
Or Emmons translating a Latin Book 

In his very peculiar way, 
Or allusions to Dick ^* as Paddlequick, 

Or the ancient Corned-Beef jokes. 
He might swell up and die with tears in his eye 

And wriggles and gurgles and chokes. 
The column marches across the field 

And enters a building vast; 
They halt and offer their glad salute 

To the Future from the Past. 
But, alas, two figures stand aside. 

Nor forward may they go. 
Our two that remain of our olden pride 

That Groton used to know: 
Our Captain,^^ who '11 bring one more victory yet 

From Lancaster's battle-ground. 
So long our leader, our leader still. 

Well tried and worthy found. 
As he for Groton typifies 

The strength of her right arm. 
So by his side the other ^^ stands. 

Her wisdom and her calm. 
And the fifth receives the battle-sword — 

Oh, keep it fair and bright 
In the days to come, as of yore, my boys — 

So they vanished from my sight. 

[ 60 ] 



NOTES 

^ F. M. Forbes — Corporal "To To." 

2 /. M. Patterson. 

^ John Shillito Rogers — Stiletto. 

* F. Lothrop Ames. 

^ Arthur J affray 

« R. B. Baker. 

^ B. F. Bell. 

8 W. A. M. Burden. 

^ I. T. Burden, Jr. 

^ H. C. Converse. 

^ H. R. Remsen, nee Wagstaff. 

2 The Adams tivins, Henry and John, at the ivedding of 

their sister. 
^ Cecil Barret. 
^ M. Robinson. 
^ E. Sedgwick. 
^ J. M. Patterson. 
^ F. G. Thomson. 
8 H. D. Scott. 

S. K. Gerard. 
^^ Endicott Dexter. 

21 P. L. Smith. 

22 C. Thomson. 

23 C. H. Williams. 

2* /. S. Francis — Flambard the Rouge. 

2^ Famous controversy between the author and Professor 

Higley. 
2^ J. Aertsen Rawle. 
^'^ H. I. Bowditch — Peter the First. 
2^ J. A. Sullivan. 
29 W. R. Cross. 

[ 61 ] 



NOTES 

^^ /. T. Burden, Jr. 

31 P. Whitney. 

3^ A. H. Barney. 

3^ E. F. Chauncey. 

3* R. Wheatland. 

3^ R. W. Emmons, 2nd. 

3^ Austin Potter. 



[ 62 ] 



CHRISTMAS 

1890 
[Fragment] 

When winter storms begin to celebrate 

High carnival with wind and cold and sleet, 
And training 's broken and boys congregate 

In study and in school-room just to eat. 
And twirl their thumbs and don't know what to do 

(The rain without is coming down in torrents). 
And every one is waxing rather blue. 

An invitation comes from Mrs. Lawrence. 

Then stir and bustle fills those stagnant halls — 

The Glee Club takes its music from the shelf. 
And clears its throat, and warbles, coos and squalls. 

And one can hardly listen to one's self. 
Sam Blagden flits impressively around 

And "manages" you all know with what skill. 
Banjos are polished up and fiddles sound. 

And strains melodious the class-room fill. 

The Choir 's practising some new cantata. 

The kids e'en cease from their perennial fight. 

While thoughts of doughnuts make the mouth to water. 
And dreams of festival now heave in sight. 

From distant Cambridge and more distant Eli, 
The followers of the Crimson and the Blue 

Once more in the old Homestead are united. 
Not Yale, not Harvard, but Grotonians true. 
[ 63 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

The Oracles then hold a conversation. 

And tear their hair and rail upon their fate, 

And the result of all their consultation 

In varied rhyme they now propose to state. 

'tis^ a treasure, 

O 'tis a pleasure, 
O 't is a lovely flower to the view ; 

O 't is a Violet 
That met my eye o* late. 

Oh, 't is a Fair Field ^ wherein it grew. 

Thayer is my stanza, 

Thayer is my answer, 
Thayer is the best thing the Faculty 's done 

For many a season. 

And Thayer is the reason 
We think Mr. T. has acquired the bun. 

We '11 welcome her to our School and our hearts 

With gladness and with joy. 
And she shall learn how true and warm 

Is the love of a Groton boy. 

And in the spring when violets bloom 
We 'U all appear at the marriage. 

And send three good old Groton cheers 
To speed the rice-strewn carriage. 



[ 64 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1890 

Now feed your faces, footless kids. 

Open your mouthlets wide; 
It 's easy fruit for Chittenden, 

He 's such a big inside. 

Yes, "that are it," thinks Stalking Horse,^ 
And Preston 's always Reddy,* 

Hutchins and White will eat to-night 
And all the kids — and Freddy.^ 

Roberts and Farrington and Cross, 
They'd like to "eat a batch"; 

"Dead easy" 'tis, as you will find, 
"Beschmerk and tweakumsnatch." ^ 

For all the fine performances 

And all the pretty tunes 
Are over — supper's now the "faze"; 

You '11 find it "full of prunes." 

Devens and Brown and Whitney too, 

Barney and all the gang. 
Go show by your big appetites 

That you 've enjoyed "those sang." '^ 



Christmas, glad Christmas, blessed feast. 

Most joyous of the year. 
Telling 'mid cold and winter's storms 

Of home and parents dear. 
[ 65 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And best of all^ the love of God 
Most high come down to earth. 

Darkness is past, the day has dawned 
Of our Redeemer's birth. 

And o'er this world with all its ills. 
With healing in His wings, 

The Sun of Righteousness has risen. 
And all creation sings 

The song of joy sung long ago 

By angel hosts above. 
Glory to God most high, and peace 

On Earth, good will and love. 



[66 ] 



NOTES 

Engagement just announced of Reverend W. G. Thayer 

and Miss Violet Otis. 

Miss Otis lived on Fairfield Street. 

Hugh Auchincloss. 

Carl Preston (Reddy). 

F. Hale. 

Remarks of R. Emmons. 

Quoted words are specimens of Yale dialect imported by 

Pierre Jay. 



[ 67 ] 



BIRTHDAY 

1891 

I'D about made up my mind 
That the School was growing old. 
And childhood's follies left behind, 
'T would be thought a trifle bold 
For your everlasting poet 

To trot his chestnuts out; 
But I found I 'd got to go it. 

There 's such lots to write about. 

This whole concern is on the boom — 
Circumspice! Behold this room! 
If you a monument require. 
The school-room you will please admire; 
Our system of electric light 
That goes out every other night. 
And leaves the home-sick little boys 
A chance to make their fiendish noise; 
Studies in blue, and ones in red, 
A large suite for the prefects' head. 
Each fitted out at great expense 
With carpets of magnificence. 
Measuring nearly one foot square. 
For fear the flooring might look bare. 

A sanctum for Grotonian's wit 
(We hope 'twill help a little bit). 
Though none, alas, exists as yet 
For the St. Willibald Gazette.^ 

[ 69 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And over at the other School, 
Supreme once more the owner^ 's rule 
Over a recitation room. 
Who says that things are n't on the boom? 

You should have heard last Monday morn 
Upon the distant breezes borne 
The voices of the First and Second 
Shrieking in sweet accord — I reckoned 
The School was booming out of sight 
To hear that music class recite. 

But better than these transitory things 

Is one improvement which your poet sings. 

' T was greeted with loud triumph when it came, 

I know that no one needs to ask her name. 

Hurrah, then, for the Rectoress of Ayer, 

And three times three be given for Mrs. Thayer. 

Ere one to these improvements farewell bids, 
'T were meet to say a word about the kids. 
But never was there such a lot of names. 
Jaw-breakers to find rhymes for — picture frames 
To shrine the youth in, his true form conceal. 
For names do seldom character reveal. 
Whoever could make decent verses now 
To rhyme with Chickenfeed or Brindlecow.'* ^ 

After I 'd sought a rhyme for Buckinghorse * 
(I'd studied Life and Judge, and Puck in course) 
I gave it up and turned to Postlethwaite, 
And there I met with such an awful fate 

[ 70 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1891 

That in despair I turned to Crazyhead/ 

And in the darkness of my mazyhead 

I came to the conclusion that I 'd stick names 

Of boys who had as yet no rhymeful nicknames 

Safe in the middle of my fluent verse. 

For I was going on from bad to worse. 

Though here I 'd like to pause and say a good word 

For such an easy name to rhyme as Woodward. 

And I might rattle off a couplet glibly. 

Making all sorts of rhymes with Dibblee. 

I went to the animal's fair, 
The Dog ^ and the Cat "^ were there. 
The Study boys made most of the noise 
With the Pelican ^ in the Chair. 

And this was the song they sung. 
Till the very rafters rung. 
Chock full of squids on the newest kids 
So fearfully fresh and young. 

Oh, Bobo,^ thou lubberly boy. 

Is thy heart not filled with joy? 

And King Bully Burden and Sullivan Jim 

You 've so many kids to annoy .f* 

To begin with tiny White,^^ 

He 's had such an awful fright, 

That he went and hid, the poor young kid. 

In the boot-box the other night. 

[ 71 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

He did it just to see 

How awful the spot might be. 

But 'twas only an error, his object of terror 

Is quite a nice place to be. 

For little Jack Minturn bad, 

That awfully mischievous lad. 

Had been pulling chairs from beneath unawares. 

And making poor Whitelet sad. 

A regular mine of gold 

The boots of Hawkins hold,^^ 

For thrifty David has carefully saved 

Ten cents for each night, I 'm told, 

For fear they should not be blacked. 
So he 's punctual and exact. 
And pays in advance, nor risks the chance 
That attention should be lacked. 

The newest kid of all ^^ 
Who arrived this current fall 
Is a little dot, a mite of a tot. 
Who does nothing now but squall. 

She weighs nine pounds and a half. 

And 's as fat as a welj-fed calf. 

But she 's done what good such a little thing could. 

She got us a holiday half. 

The Barneys have purchased a store 
Of milliner s goods galore ; 

[ 72 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1891 

And I can tell you they 'd like to sell you 
An exquisite pinafore, 

Lace handkerchiefs and collars 
For the use of the younger scholars. 
And petticoats for the kids and the goats — 
The whole for a couple of dollars. 

There 's a boy with a great round face ^^ 
And uncommon degree of grace. 
He won't play ball nor nothing at all. 
But just loafs about the place. 

He won't go in to swim. 
But I '11 tell you the trouble with him: 
His grandfather got in the water one time 
And escaped with life and limb. 

But 't was quite a close shave, they say, 

A yellow dog came that way. 

And grandfather caught and held on by his tail. 

And learned to swim that day. 

And once an Injun chief 

Came terribly near to grief: 

He sank and came up a frozen corpse. 

Though the tale seems past belief 

So he dreads the water cold. 

This younger Curtis bold. 

While his brother EUicott 's terribly delicate 

And don't know beans, I 'm told. 

[ 73] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

The eldest Hooker sat ^* 

One day in a puddle flat, 

With a cry of despair in a pond in his chair. 

And a sploshy one at that. 

Once when Mr. Billings gave 

Rebuke with this sentence grave, 

" A black mark to you,' ' — said Emmons, " Do you ? ' ' 

I fear Bobletine's a knave. ^^ 

Jim Sullivan, as it seems. 

Of the Parker House restaurant dreams 

Like a grown-up man, shaved as clean as he can 

With the best of Meltonian creams. 

There's little O' Roberts now,!^ 

As fresh as a green hay-mow. 

But to be impartial, he ' s about as Martial 

As a gentle and elderly cow. 

Why, Hale! httle fellow, well met," 
But don't you wish you 'd eat 
The watermelon which just now fell on 
Your floor and made it wet? 

'T was all along of Jerry,^^ 

For though it ' s trying very 

To have a chum who is always glum. 

He 's awful when always merry. 

They 've been treating you most unkind. 
He has to walk behind 

[ 74 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1891 

In the drill, and they call him a squunt until 
He is almost out of his mind. 

Hast ever noticed Cracked Head's walk? ^* 
'Twas caused by wounds — so runs the talk — 
Received when on the football team 
Of Andover^ as it would seem. 

Alas, the football days are over. 
We fear, for us, our days of clover. 
For Bertie won't consent to play 2** 
Upon our team — ah, well — aday. 

Sentenced to pass beneath the pump 
Was any throat that felt no lump. 
When Jerry read extracts from Solon, 
Was any cheek no tear did roll on.? 

When Corbin said in accents sad,^^ 
"We fear, dear Bertie, you are bad. 
And by this grave and learned throng. 
Decide your conduct 's been most wrong." 

Oh, what 's struck little Patterson, I wonder,^^ 
Since the Chicago nine has gone to thunder.? 
It must be that these oft-repeated shocks 
Brought on his bad attack of chicken-pox. 

To gayer themes now turn your ears away. 
The Pelican 's a dirty bird, they say. 
But little Cousin Bayard chirps and tweets 
Like Phililoo bird ^3 when abroad he meets 
[ 75 ] 



26 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

The stalwart Johnny Rogers in pursuit, 
Or rough Moncure, who now is turned a brute. 
And plays fierce football lest perchance his figure 
About the waist continue to grow bigger. 

Oh, have you heard the sweet aesthetic manner 

In which the Fair young Child smites my pianner? ^4 

And can you find a refuge anywhere 

From the sweet fife notes made by Dennie Hare? 

How merry go the fiddle-strings when stroked 

By little Poplet ^^ Cor bin's muse invoked. 

While Mr. Gladwin's organ squawks and squeaks. 

And Beef makes music if he merely speaks. 

Who says that no material is here 

To form the Glee Club of again this year? 



Talking of that you 're eager, I suppose. 
To grant your bard a merited repose. 
So after one remark more I '11 sit down — 
A greeting to our boys come up from town. 

Gilhooly, we had heard of your attire,^"^ 

And fully ready were we to admire. 

And Squirt, old Bert, we 're glad he 's living yet, 

Nor fallen a victim to the cigarette. 

Hurrah ! for Emmons and for 'ninety-five. 
Indeed, the wisest Freshman class alive. 
Your President will win you laurels sweet. 
When Blue and Crimson on the field shall meet. 

[ 76 ] 



28 



BIRTHDAY 1891 

To Wheatland, Patten, Austin, and the rest 

Of Groton's pride our greetings be addressed, 

Graduates of whatever year or date. 

You don't know how much you 've been missed of late. 

We need a few good old Grotonian faces 

To make us feel at home in these strange places. 

Some ties to bind us to the days of yore. 

The golden year of eighteen eighty-four. 

Still 'tis the same old School, the School you knew 
And loved — and 't is the School which still loves you, 
And never be the golden days forgotten. 
Which you made what they were, first years of Groton. 

And as these birthdays come and years increase, 
May loyalty endure, nor ever cease. 
And proudly shall our black and red and white 
Float o'er our School each Anniversary Night. 



[77] 



NOTES 

^ A treasonable sheet described elsewhere as follows: — 
A curious caper of a College paper 
Has lately seen the light, 
The St. Willibald I believe it 's called, 
Though I think such a name 's not right. 
Can you tell me who are the forward few 
Who dare to entrench on ground 
So well occupied by our joy and our pride, 
The Grotonian profound ? 

The Artist is Patten, and the Jokes in Latin 
Proceed from the pen of Pothure,* 
While the Ads they say are by Webb and Gray, 
And Athletics in charge of Moncure.^ 
And Dick X the brick performs the trick 
Of writing the poems and squibs. 
While Cil*^ the quill is merely a frill, 
And Emmons § tends the Jibs. 

2 W. A. G. 

^ C. E. Brinl^. 

* Hugh Auchincloss. 
^ R. Craighead. 

^ P. Whitney. 
"^ C. Thomson. 
^ R. B. Cutting. 
^ A. R. Sargent. 

10 L. L. White. 

11 ■ D. S. Hawkins. 

* Austin Potter. f M. Robinson. % R. Wheatland. 
^ C. Barret. § R. W. Emmons, 2nd. 

[ 78] 



NOTES 

^^ Rose Peahody. 

13 C. B. Curtis. 

14 R. Hooker. 

1^ W. B. Emmons. 

i« Marshall 0. Roberts. 

1*^ Fredeiick Hale. 

18 ^S-. K Gerard. 

1^ i?. Craighead. 

2^ i?. Craighead. 

22 /. M. Patterson. 

23 ^. 5. Cw/^mg, Jr. 

24 5/azV Fairchild. 

25 /. ^. Cro*^. 

26 fF. F. Meredith. 

27 F. G. ^^66. 

28 iJ. M. Winthrop. 



[ 79] 



CHRISTMAS 

1891 

[Fragment] 

There are two things, my hearers, that never give out. 
The poet, with nothing to jingle about. 
And no less remarkable for its vitality 
Our Hostess's truly immense hospitality. 

With a leap and a bound as our numbers filled up 
Serenely she smiled and just ordered more grub. 
When sixty made " standing room only " the rule. 
When into the dining-room poured the whole School, 

I heard her complain of but one thing about it — 
Those two cups of chocolate — some went without it. 
'T was the greatest relief to my notions at least 
To find that however the School had increased. 

The Homestead was big and its welcome still bigger 

For a School of a hundred or three times that figure. 

So tune up your banjo, my brother poet. 

And sing them a ditty in form of duet. 

Merry Christmas is here, and the Yule log is blazing, 

So let us indulge in our music amazing. 

We 've listened to singing of solos and Choir, 
Till with musical zeal the whole School is afire. 
A Glee Club 's been started to rival the first. 
Nay, rather outshine it in doing its worst. 

[ 81 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

They '11 sing you a song which is rather complete. 
Their favorite beverage — something quite neat. 
And Italian 's not in it, when Greek 's comme il faut 
The fair maid of Athens — Oh, ^as 'AyaTrw. 

The Burden^ 's maintained in a dull monotone, 

Resembling a fearfully rusty trombone. 

Developing into a grunt or a roar. 

For Aiz has got going his exquisite snore. 

Like the barking of dogs — Freddy Hale has a fit — 

He doesn't like dogs, not the least little bit. 

Confusion reigns wild, they endeavour to wake 
The musician, when, lo, the whole thing was a fake, 
'T was a make-believe snore, and the brethren alarmed 
Find Aiz was all ready, and thoroughly armed. 

A noisy young orchestra starts up below 

To cause the librarians unspeakable woe. 

The instruments chosen, some tin things to pound, 

Emitting an utterly horrible sound. 

Like a kid scrap and Beeflets^ rolled up into one, 
Or the banjo quintet when indulging in fun. 
In headlong pursuit as they rush down the stair. 
The musicians have disappeared into thin air. 

When sudden a voice that would freeze every soul 
Is heard making murmurings out of John's hole. ^ 
That lanky-boned gentleman turns to Converse, 
And finds no one near, only quite the reverse. 

[82] 



CHRISTMAS 1891 

Praeterea nihil, 't was only a vox, 

A mere ventilator or heated air-box. 

The librarians are crazy, the game must be bagged, 

All exits stopped up and the culprits are snagged. 

After which a court martial is held on these foes. 
And librarians return to their wonted repose. 

Our eleven breaking training 
Is a sight for men and mice. 

With cake and candy raining 
And alakuma nice. 

Miss Benedict,* dear madam. 
Is at home at half past five. 

And if a sweet tooth pass that way 
He ne'er escapes alive. 

Thanksgiving follows quickly. 
Mince pies keep up the cheer. 

When the eleven sickly 
Begin to look, and queer. 

And words can give no picture 
Of the anguish Brisky^ feels 

While Edgy^ from the window 
Is hung out by the heels. 

And then to clap the chmax, 
Charles Bouncer'^ has a cake 

Three times the girth of his own waist — 
You know what that would make. 

[ 83 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Since then the Senior Prefect ^ 

Devises ways and means 
To save the poor eleven 

From dying in their teens. 

He starts a hare and hounds, sirs, 

To give them exercise, 
And hopes no more Charles Bouncers 

With birthdays will arise. 

I run myself a little 

And make the fellows laugh 
To see me limp in anguish 

From a contracted calf. 

As Christmas nears, 

The culprits' fears 
Increase in ratio frightful. 

Each dreads an " Invitation Home " 
Or some K. I.® delightful. 

Imagine, then, the shock I had 
On seeing all the chickens 

Flocking towards the study door 
Ready to get the dickens. 

But such a sort of dickens ^'^ 'twas. 

So comforting and mild. 
That Brinley^^ sweetly through it all 

Slept like a little child. 

[ 84 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1891 

A little flimsy, airy rag 

Once hung on Jerry's ^^ neck, 
Adding its mite to the tidiness 

Of that otherwise slouchy wreck. 

It disappeared from sight to-day, 

Which drove poor Jerry mad. 
And the loss of his mascot he stoutly avers 

Was what made his Latin so bad. 

We went once to Springfield, alas and alack. 
We went down in crimson and came home in black. 
The stay-at-homes decked them in red and in blue. 
While some wore no ribbons, and others wore two. 

You ask how I liked it ? — I'd rather not tell. 
But we all were delighted old Bob^^ did so well. 
And 't was fun coming home in a millionaire style 
In a special train going per hour one mile. 

There's no use complaining of fortune's queer freaks. 
But the fellows said I had a grouch for two weeks. 

The famous old Gazette ^^ 

Has not appeared as yet. 
But the editors are selected. 

And I hope they won't forget 

That the article that's a- writing 
(" Our Faculty " it 's called) 

Must avoid allusions biting 
To Mr. Willibald. 
[ 85 ] 



NOTES 

1 /. T. Burden— '' Aiz" or '' Ike." 

2 J. D. Meredith. 

^ A ventilator coinmunicating from below with the Hun- 
dred-House Library, near H. C. Converse s desk. 

^ E. S. Benedict. 

5 G. Z. Gray. 

^ E. F. Chauncey. 

^ a B. Curtis. 

8 W. R Cross. 

^ Kompulsory Invite. 

^^ Dickens s Christmas Carol — read to the School by Mr. 
S. E. Peabody. 

^^ C. E. Brinley. 

12 S. K. Gerard. 

1^ R. W. Emmons, 2nd. 

^* The Willibald Gazette. 



[ 86 ] 



BIRTHDAY 

1892 

I WAS really obliged to make fun of myself 
When I took my old fiddle once more from the 
shelf 
And tuned up, and tweaked at the rusty old strings 
And tried to scrape over a couple of things. 
Some song of the first golden years of the School 
To immortalize Prefect, kid, old boy, and fool. 
Too conscious, alas ! your poor laureate feels 
That where once it made music, his fiddle now squeals. 
A big population like ours of to-day 
But half understands any word that I say. 

When Fifth Formers are kidlike, or kids act like sages. 
And Sixth, Fourth, and First make a mix of their ages, 
A handful at most learns of what 's going on. 
Why, no one knows Converse's name is n't John, 
And I '11 wager that hardly a new boy has heard 
That W. B. Cutting 's not really a Bird. 
When kid fights occur, no one knows who got licked 
Except the bystanders, and when I depict 
Some uncommonly ludicrous study boy's joke. 
Blank looks from the rest make me wish I 'd not 
spoke. 

So if, in the course of my present effusion. 
In the minds of my hearers exists some confusion. 
Just act like a subsidized laughing Committee, 
For it really is quite irresistibly witty. 

[ 87 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Columbus landed, as you know, 

The 12th day of October; 
And why this is the 21st 

Demands reflection sober. 

The truth is that the calendar 

Had got so sadly mixed 
That every century or two 

It needed to be fixed. 

Accordingly, astronomers 

Looked up their X Y Z's 
And found Columbus nine days wrong 

When he sailed the stormy seas. 

So think a moment and you '11 see 

Why every loyal Yankee 
Must add a week or so to make 

The almanac less cranky. 

By dint of this, the School is here 

To celebrate its birth-day. 
October 15th its true date. 

The 21st its mirth-day. 

The Madam went forth to the woods one day 
With three little friends for a treat; 

A picnic she thought was a merry idea. 
With lots upon lots to eat. 

Like little Miss Muffet they sat them down 
On a tuffet of grass in the sun, 
[ 88 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1892 

When Dennie Hare gave a yell of despair. 
And Alsop ^ started to run. 

A wasp nest unseen they had landed upon, 
With howls they lamented their fate, 

But the Madam, unmoved mid the din and dismay. 
Serenely she ate, and she ate. 

The Reverend Mr. Atwood came 

The week before last for a visit. 
And seeing a friend with curly hair 

Stopped not to enquire, "W^ho is it.'*" 

But grasping surprised Mr. Gris wold's hand 

Said he was delighted very 
That the Rector had made him the Senior Prefect 

(He thought all the time 't was Jerry). 

So if Griswold,^ First B, wants to rise in the School 

He must get his hair refrizzled. 
And the next time Mr. Atwood comes 

He '11 take him for Mr. Gris wold. 

There 's a hole in the First Form B 

For one we see no more. 
Nor hear*the black mark's sharp report. 

Nor " Stand out on the floor." 

Jack Minturn was n't in it 

In number of marks per minute. 
Wat er bury ^ idle boy it was, 

I wonder who could have been it. 
[ 89 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

There 's great material hereabouts 
For statesmen and for sages. 

The politicians throng the School, 
All sizes and all ages. 

Harrison trembles on his throne 
When he hears we 've got a Master 

Six feet and five good inches high/ 
And fears some dread disaster. 

But no, the cheering news arrives 
That all 's not lost at Groton, 

He 's heard of Yours Respectably, 
Young William Politics Wharton. 

Flags and transparencies abound 

At Democratic quarters. 
Beside the Dormitory gate. 

And terrible the slaughter. 

The Democrats are big, 't is true. 
Their arguments are telling ; 

But they 're not in it when it comes 
To kids to do the yelling. 

Oh, Yankee Doodle came to town 

On little Jerry's^ pony; 
He soon dismounted when he saw 

The face resolved and stony. 

The clenched teeth, determined eye. 
Of Mr. Gladwin coming. 
[ 90 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1892 

"Just ride my horse/' cried he, "a bit, 
I think you '11 find him humming." 

He mounted him — he rode a mile. 

He said he was a treasure. 
Now scarce he hobbles round the School 

And does n't sit with pleasure. 

We 're glad that poor Whiting ^ is with us again. 
We fear he has suffered a great deal of pain. 
A chronic complaint we have heard that he said. 
But sixteen green apples — It 's well he 's not dead. 

For apples aiiAJishes can hardly agree. 
Especially apples when stolen from me. 
We hope little Whiting won't do it again ; 
I heard 't was sixteen — he acknowledges ten. 

We 've got a menagerie here 
Quite up to the second year. 
We keep them in boot-boxes, lockers and such. 
So the ladies need n't fear. 

The circus goes on each day 
When the beasts are let out to play. 
The peanut-seller is Charlie Clark, 
A ton is given away. 

To begin with, we 've a Fox,*^ 
He 's kept in the largest box 
Because he 's the biggest new specimen. 
And wears number fifteen socks. 
[ 91 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

DeWolf ^ comes next to view, 
A Pup ^ and a Cat ^^ or two, 
A nice little Hawkinside ^^ the next, 
And then comes the Phililoo.^^ 

Within the strongest cage 
A Boar ^^ is seen to rage : 
A curious creature fat and slow. 
The wonder of the age. 

For when he 's rolled up snug 
Some take him for a bug. 
And yonder there is a grizzly bear,^^ 
And the great round cushiony mug 

Of a Bobo Bird ^^ is seen. 
With a Brindlecow ^^ between ; 
And a Balky Horse ^^ in a Salty Stall,^^ 
And a Puff Bird — The Bouncer,^^ I mean. 

Now if you '11 take a jump 
To the cage behind the pump, 
I '11 show you a sight to make hair stand on end. 
And hearts begin to thump. 

For a Pompadour Freak ^^ is there. 
He splutters and gulps with despair; 
But what strikes spectators the most of all 
Is the horrible state of his hair. 

And last, we will show you free, 
If they will quiet be, 

[92] 



BIRTHDAY 1892 

A pair of kittens imported straight 
From Cheshire beyond the sea. 

Like love birds, side by side. 
Demure and sanctified. 
Their Cheshire grins subdued and sweet. 
Their conduct cut and dried, 

Behold the heavenly grins 
Of that couple of cherubins ; 
The unsurpassable, unapproached, 
Unspeakable, Motley twins. 

The audience who attend the show 
Contains some names you ought to know. 
That nobleman — observe his nose. 
Descendant of the great Montrose.^^ 

(Oh! by the way, three hours ago 

Young Conneir^^ knocked — and wished to know 

If 't was the proper caper now 

When his name was called, to make a bow.) 

Then Johnny Bones has come disguised 
As Baron Play fair, different-sized. 
And there 's a little creature who 
'S called Billy Rogers,^^ number two. 

And talking of this subject now 
I 'm sure you all remember how 
No poem ever could get on 
Without some reference to John.^* 
[ 93] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Alas! the peaceful John 's no more. 
In Greek I fainted on the floor 
To hear him lead in accents flowery 
A chorus all about the Bowery. 

And Moncure — ^^ Ah, poor! so sad to endure. 
The curl of his hair has departed, sure, 

And a curly nose 

Is all he shows. 

But every one knows 

'T was football blows. 
And I think he 's much to be commended 
For the way his work this year was ended. 

The music of this charming show 
Is furnished by a piano. 
Performed by Signor Scotti's^^ skill 
'Neath leadership of Billy Will.^^ 

While Sullivano ^^ and Herr Schmitt ^^ 
Tweak fiddles till our ear-drums split. 
And Migolini ^^ trills and warbles 
Much like as when a turkey gobbles. 

And to complete the Sixth's Sextet, 
Jerry ^^ makes whine the flageolet. 
And till one 's weary of one's life. 
Most all the others play the fife. 

But front seats ever at our festal ring 
Shall occupy our old boys whom I sing. 

[ 94 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1892 

We 've followed you wherever you might be, 
With hearts that missed you fellows terribly. 

We 're glad old Bob 's ^^ left off one minute's rushing 
On Harvard's end — we miss old Howdy Gushing. 
We miss Zabriskie ^^ and the Chaunceys three, 
The band of Potters and old George Rublee. 

Some are in Europe, some are in life's race, 
One Master sits not in his wonted place. 
While two are taken from our earthly view. 
And wait us there where we are travelling too. 

Old Eli had a job for Corbin^* hard. 
To join her Varsity and play right guard. 
And though he must stop playing and is here 
To help us start upon our School's new year. 

Right guard is ably filled — the place still thrives. 
They 've got their oarsman — Groton's own Bill Ives. 
We hope that soon we all shall meet once more 
When Scottie whacks St. Mark's like days of yore.^^ 

And you, whom now we welcome back to Groton, 
For whom our eight full years are unforgotten. 
Who 've changed boy's innocence for strength of 

men. 
Once more to-night you 're boys with us again. 

God bless our Country with content and peace. 
And bless our Groton as its years increase. 

[ 95 ] 



NOTES 

^ Joseph Alsop. 

^ Le Grand C. Griswold. 

^ J, C. Water bury — temporary vacation. 

* G. D. Gushing — an umquhile Democratic orator whose 
speeches in Groton Town Hall produced a net loss for 
his candidate {Cleveland) of Jive votes. 

^ Julian Gerard. 

^ W. Whiting — known as Fish. 

"^ Austen Fox. 

8 G. C. DeWolf. 

^ P. Whitney. 
^^ C. Thomson. 
^^ D. S. Hawkins. 
12 W. B. Cutting, Jr. 
1^ A. P. Baugh — sometimes pronounced Bug, sometimes 

Boar. 
1* Le G. C. Griswold. 
^^ A. R. Sargent. 
16 C. E. BHnley. 
1^ Hugh Auchincloss. 
1^ /. L. Saltonstall. 

19 C. B. Curtis. 

20 A. Middleton. 

21 C. M. Connell. 

22 H. C. Converse. 

23 W. B. Rogers of N. Y. 

24 J. S. Rogers. 

25 M. Robinson. 

26 H. D. Scott. 

27 C. H. Williams. 

28 J. A. Sullivan. 

[ 96 ] 



NOTES 

29 P. L. Smith. 

30 F. G. Thomson— " Miggs." 

31 S. K. Gerard, 

32 K W. Emmons, 2nd. 

33 G. Z. Gray. 

34 W. R. Cross. 

35 Thirty-four to ten. 



[ 97 ] 



CHRISTMAS 

1892 

[Fragment] 

Have you any idea 

At the close of the year, 
Of the fearful state of mind 

Of Boston, New York and Philamadelph? 
Nor to these is it all confined. 

A raft of boys 

For their Christmas joys 
Is launched at these helpless cities. 

Ah! poor New York! Poor Beans! Poor 
Pork! 
'T is really a thousand pities. 

The Pilgrim's home 

With its gilded dome 
Pays penalty for its sins. 

And terrible times are caused by the 
crimes 
Of the terrible Motley twins.^ 

When the Cochrane pair ^ 

Do take the air 
For rest and repose from their labours. 

Kid fights galore and plentiful gore 
Raise havoc among the neighbours. 

fLefC. 

[ 99 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

An ominous sniff — of a sudden Miff 

And Roguey ^ appear in sight. 
That dreadful man 
With his dreadful hound! 

How the citizens take to flight! 

And ah the girls! 

With their golden curls; 
What a state of continual flutter ! 

When Ames * cuts a dash with his pussy 
mustache 
And smile that would hardly melt butter. 

And the Adamses two/ 

How the Avenue 
Looks forth as the twain walk by! 

For it 's heard the fame of the football game ^ 
And dotes on a damaged eye. 

While Roy Ball Baker parades the streets 
No hayseed — that 's an error. 

Quite the other way. 

The good townsfolk say 
Beware of the Bunco terror. 

The Gray '^ boys' shrieks 

For the couple of weeks 
Make people with awe enquire, 

"What to goodness is it.'' Great grief — 
not a visit 
We hope from the Groton Choir." 

[ 100 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1892 

But Bobo, ah, Bobo^ — a balm benign 
From his much persuasive smile. 

And his squint to see 

If you 're onto he 
Spreads peace for many a mile. 

And dear old Jones ^ 

With his rattling bones, 
And Boblets ^^ and Rubynose,^^ 

And Saltonstall and I don't know who all 
To mar the old Hub's repose. 

But I 'd better shut down. 

For this tiny town 
Don't merit such lengthy talk. 

I would hear from you what the brethren do 
When they swoop like a storm on New York. 

'Tis time to change cars and the metre forthwith. 
At Springfield drop Hawkins, at Worcester drop 
Smith.i2 

They '11 wake the old echoes, yet leave us enough 
To teach the great city just who 's up to snuff. 

The air has grown thick in the streets of New York. 

Wherever you turn, flying fragments of talk 

You must dodge, or they '11 batter your ears or your 

head. 
Great pieces of drool fill your spirit with dread. 
And baskets of hat talk, the boldest will quell. 
No dodging, no refuge, no mercy — it's Bell.^^ 

[ 101 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Terror thrills through the breast of the bold million- 
aire 
When he sees bearing down on him fierce Dennie Hare, 
With request for a gift of a thousand or two 
For the Groton School Golf Club, to see the scheme 

through. 
Though the said millionaire will take comfort, I 'm 

sure. 
When approached for the Camp Fund by hustling 
Moncure.^* 

But New York welcomes back to the land of his birth 
That learned and virtuous person of mirth. 
And at last the true accent 's bestowed on each word 
By the chirpy, the perky, the fat little Bird.^^ 

But one of the choicest of all of these shows 

Is Moncure as he smiles, and makes curtsies and bows 

To his own lovely image beheld in a glass. 

To see whether he in Fifth Avenue '11 pass. 

The Garden of Madison Square 's enlarged. 
Enormous admission I 'm told is charged 
For to hear the sweet flute and Bull fiddle at play, 
Paderewski Gerard ^® and the Spectre, Herr Gray." 

They 're the chief drawing-card of the Christmas fair, 

Being held to purchase a change of air 

For poor Jack Adams, who 's going South 

To study Deland,^^ and raise down on his mouth. 

[ 102 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1892 

The Burden ^^ brothers I 'd have you know 
Are holding an auction of Wilmerding's ^^ Clo'. 
At another table O' Roberts ^^ sells 
His "Sayings and Doings of British Swells." 

And Billy Hare *s simply on exhibition — 
You'll agree he is worth the whole price of admission. 
And Julian ^^ presides at a gay Christmas tree, 
With birds, cats and dogs for his dormitoree. 

Good poet, now 't is time to tune up higher. 

And tell the flutter of Philadelphia. 
This pretty rhyme I thought up all myself, yer 

Must see it 's hard to rhyme with Philadelphia. 
That somewhat sleepy city of the Quaker 
At last has something that will really shake her. 
When Baugh ^^ invades her, arm in arm with Rawle;^* 
And Forbes ^^ appears at the Assembly ball. 
With Scottie,^^ our own Scottie in the swim — 
We know what Philadelphia thinks of him. 

Then Brinley^*^ puts the citizens to flight; 

A lovely Brindle cow he got last night, — 

FromMigs'^^ and Julian's^^ Christmas tree his share, — 

And now he leads it forth to take the air. 

And sounds of merry-making wafted are 

From yonder house in Merion ^^ afar. 

Nay, Philadelphia, 'tis no sound appalling. 

It 's nothing but the dear old Cat ^^ er wauling. 

But time on my swift-flowing verse lays embargo. 
Or I 'd tell of the terror brought home to Chicago 

[ 103 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

When Pat ^^ landed there with his truculent mug, 
And his fierce-looking two-twenty-five dollar Pug. 
How the Hookers ^^ diversified Washington's gloom. 
Since the recent elections as glum as the tomb. 
Nor without tribute glowing I 'd ever pass o 'er 
How Horatio Lorenzo ^^ impressed Baltimore. 
But the savour of chocolate steals on the air. 
And your poets withdraw to partake of their share. 
With a right Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, 
For the Homestead, our hosts, and for every one here. 



Yes, Christmas is come. Merry Christmas once more, 
With its message as new as in ages of yore, 
Of gladness and peace by the seraphim sung. 
That bright morning of old when the earth was still 

young. 
Of home and beloved ones gathered again. 
Of Glory to God and of good will to men. 
Each hearth shines in welcome, each door is thrown 

wide. 
Each hall decked with green for the merry Yule-tide. 

For the holly and laurel no winter can kill. 
No storm wind the glow of home love ever chill. 
The people in darkness have seen a great light. 
The Daystar has risen upon the world's night. 
In Bethlehem's stable a King has been born, 
Death's shadow is past and the darkness is gone. 
For His sake, my boys, in the gladness of home. 
Forget not the homeless to whom no joys come, 

[ 104 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1892 

For He, too, was lonely and friendless and poor; 
What is done for the least is for Him, too, be sure. 
And Christmas, old Christmas, bring numberless joys 
To you now and always, my dearest old boys. 



[ 105 ] 



NOTES 

1 J. L. and E. Motley. 

2 F. D. and J. S. Cochrane. 

3 G. H. Mifflin s pet dog. 
* Lothrop Ames. 

^ J. and H. Adams. 
6 Groion 10, St. Mark's 6. 
'' E. and H. S. Gray. 
^ A. R. Sargent. 
^ H. C. Converse. 
1*^ W. B. Emmons. 
1^ A. L. Devens, Jr. 

12 P. L. Smith. 

13 B. F. Bell. 

1^ M. Robinson. 

15 W. B. Cutting, Jr. 

16 S. K. Gerard. 
1*^ A. R. Gray. 
18 On Football. 

i» /. T. and W. A. M. Burden. 
2^ E. C. Wilmerding. 

21 M. 0. Roberts. 

22 J, M. Gerard. 

23 A. P. Baugh. 

24 /. A. Rawle. 

25 F. M. Forbes. 

26 H. D. Scott. 

27 C. E. Brinley. 

28 F. G. Thomson. 

2^ The Thomsons country place. 
3<* Clarke Thomson. 

[ 106 ] 



NOTES 



3^ /. M. Patterson. 

32 R. and H. S. Hooker. 

33 H. L. WhUridge. 



[ 107 ] 



CHRISTMAS 

1893 

OH, three times three has a merry sound, 
And three times thrice we cheer 
For the Homestead Hall where we gather round 
This merry time of year. 

For we are a three times three-year-old. 

And the Muses numbered nine. 
So to ask indulgence I '11 be bold. 

For this little song of mine. 

Old Hesiod, as you know, I see, — 

I mean the older boys, — 
Says the best Muse was Calliope, 

Or the Muse of the beautiful voice. 

So at this tenth glad festival, 

I 'm sure you won't refuse 
A three times three for the songs to-night 

Of our tenth melodious Muse.^ 

I feel a little like a man 

At the end of a telephone. 
Who carries on a half a talk. 

All by his mournful lone. 

For the oracle who provides replies 

Is in Delphi or Dodona, 
In Greece collecting fresh supplies. 

And 's a mighty poor telephones 
[ 109 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

So if my questions stay unsolved, 
Unechoed my sweet trillings, 

My rhymes unfinished — metre short, 
You must write to Mr. Billings. 

'T was hard, I admit, on the kids old and young 
That our birthday went by and their deeds were un- 
sung. 
That I let such a good opportunity pass 
To make famous the freaks of our entering class — 
Why Miffy ^ and Chit ^ and those heavenly twins 
For full ten days before were on needles and pins. 
Lest I should be found to be not so severe. 
As I was upon them in the poem last year. 
And Miffy wrote home, "Send me Roguey * at once. 
Tie his hair in pink ribbons, don't mind if he grunts, 
I always am sad when the jokes fly about. 
If Roguey, my Roguey, by chance be left out." 
And the Motleys and Chittenden wrote to their pop- 
pers, 
"Don't mind jokes on us, they are all of them whop- 
pers. 
Just wait till you hear Mr. G. sit on Morse, 
On Hadden and Peabody, Lord and of course 
On Demi- John Rogers^ — and satire in torrents. 
Poured out on the heads of three freaks all named 
Lawrence." 

"Oh quel est le nom 
Of Monsieur du Pont.?" ^ 
{Of a Bridge, it is translated) 
[ 110 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1893 

"Don't you think that Bridget 
Would suit that midget?" 
The seer I interrogated. 

Oh, who, oh, who. 

Has n't heard of Markoe,^ 
And of his hypnotic trance heard? 

Is it stomach-ache. 

Or a piece of cake ? 
But the question remains unanswered. 

Does he talk to himself ' 

In Philamadelph, 
And take his friends out sleighing? 

Does she go too. 

Miss You-know-who — ' 

But the oracle is n't saying. i 

Polly Wharton ^ 

Went from Groton 
On a winter's day. 

When Polly met his stern papa — \ 

What did his parent say? ( 

I never knew, \ 

But black marks flew. 
And Waterbury got one. 

And even Minturn got a pair, 
But pretty Polly not one. 

If Fifth Form scraps 
Should cause mishaps, 
[ 111 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

When Walt ^ and the Cat ^^ get sassy. 
Will Dennie ^^ just loft the two over the 
fence. 
Or drive them away with his brassey ? 

While the rest of the cleek 

Look niblick and meek, 
Save Haughton,^^ who always is mashy; 

Tommy ^^ putters around 

The battle-ground. 
With eyes glued on his volume trashy. 

When Monny ^* returned from a lunch at the Hub, 
Where a chef had provided most exquisite grub. 
And dear Mrs. So-and-So, sweet Mrs. Blank, 
Filled up all his time writing letters to thank. 
He found a relation, long lost and long missed, 
Whom at once with effusion he almost had kissed. 
When the cousin exclaimed, *^^ Are you sure I 'm the 

right one. 
Was the cousin you meant the brunette or the light 

oneV 
"Are n't you Mrs. Charley.'*" Moncure asked in haste. 
As he quickly withdrew his right arm from her waist. 
"Oh, dear, no, I 'm only her cousin-in-law." 
"Ah, then, I don't know you. Alas, what a bore!" 

There was a little man, 
And his name was Nigger Dan,^^ 
Did he ever get those nice warm gloves, I wonder, 

[ 112 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1893 

When he wrote to tell his ma 
How Jack Adams was a star, 
And made St. Markers twice as mad as thunder? 

He is captain of the seventh. 

Of a team he 's one-eleventh. 
And he 's quite a poet I would have you know too ; 

Have you read his little jig. 

On the cockatoo and nig? 
If you praise it, he will coyly bid you "go to." 

When grandpa ^^ roamed the prairies wild. 

Untamed, untutored, savage child. 

Some five and sixty years ago. 

Ere he was caught — he was, you know, 

A cow-puncher of no mean fame. 

And Dunbar Ferdinand his name. 

But now, alas! he 's grown so old. 

He whispered once, "'T would be too bold 

To ask the question, but I really 

To be informed would love it dearly. 

Oh, do you think 'twould be too rash — 

The Rector, could he raise a m'stache?" 

The oracle answers never a word. 

So I 'm going to pack up a bag. 
And send him for Christmas a lot of old junk 

In my cast-off box marked Wag; 
And if he will sort it and kindly send back 

A careful explanation, 
I '11 send him Will Shakespeare's statuette,^^ 

To mark my appreciation. 
[ 113 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And first I *11 put in at the top of the pouch 
A thing never known of, — a Faculty grouch; 
Then a pair of my shoes — I don't wear any more. 
Silk stockings are quite good enough for a thaw. 
George Clarke sends a clicking and flying machine,^^ 
Sully Cochrane a mouse — they all think it real 

mean 
That they can't give a dance in the school-room at 

night. 
Mr. Griswold gives black marks and says it 's not right. 
And Mr. Woods,^^ too, claims he's right in the 

ptish; 
"And he's blessed if he will," then exclaims Mr. 

Cush; 
We send him a hair out of Ching Lee's chin whisker. 
He 's paid for his food and wants things passed round 

brisker; 
Then a fine suit of clothes such as Wilmerding 

wears, 
And one of his well-bred unparalleled airs ; 
Then a pair of uncouth calisthenic commotions, 
Which Burden performs with conflicting emotions. 
With pantingsand puffings and squirmings and giggles, 
A pair of his graceful renowned body-wiggles. 
Then some good things to eat just to fill up the whole. 
Soup a la St. Mark's, bringing joy to the soul. 
With a couple of pies known as Ayrault ends over,^^ 
A species of very delicious turnover. 
Some cocoa and porter which Monny provides 
For the afternoon teas o'er which Converse ^^ presides. 
Where the Faculty gather and peacefully snore, 

[ 114 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1893 

While Jack Adams reads poems — which they think a 

bore. 
While a triplet of Willies sit trying to look good 

hard, 
Will Whitney, Will Williams and little Will Wood'ard. 
For game — since the Bird^^ has become long and 

scrawny, 
A tender young Swan ^^ and a Dabchickney ^* brawny, 
With a slice from the plump Bird o' Round Robin 

Reddy,25 

While Plawps rounds off the meal just to make it set 

steady ; 
And finally just as a sort of a hoax. 
Two trifles, absurdities, couple of jokes. 
To fill up the bag and to round it out well. 
Put in Douglas Cochrane and fat Skippey Bell. 

The blessed time once more is here. 

The Christmastide has come. 
The gladdest days of all the year. 

The sacred days of home. 

Forget not in your Christmas joys 

That He the Lord of all 
Was homeless when He came, my boys, 

His bed the ox's stall. 

Never before has rung so loud 

Within our ears the cry 
Of poverty and homelessness, 

And want, with Christmas nigh. 
[ 115 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Let us the message of good will 
With these our brothers share, 

So shall we follow in His steps 
Who chose the manger bare. 



[ 116 ] 



NOTES 

^ Mrs. James Lawrence. 
2 G. H. Mifflin. 
^ S. B. Chittenden. 

4 Miffys Dog. 

5 H. P. Rogers. 

6 H. du Pont. 
"^ H. Markoe. 

« W. P. Wharton. 
^ W. L. Cutting. 
^^ Clarke Thomson. 

11 D. M. Hare. 

12 P. B. Haughton. 

1^ Stuart Heintselman. 

1* Moncure Robinson. 

^^ George Draper. 

1^ D. F. Carpenter. 

1*^ A bust of Shakespeare, the property of Mr. Billings, of 

which he vainly tried to get rid in Europe, Asia and 

America. 
1^ A knee brace worn by Clarke. A precious tool for break- 

i?ig up Evening School. 
19 Mr. C. S. Griswold—"Push Face." 
2® Responsible for the first touchdown in the Ten to Six 

game. 

21 Deadly revenge for the Rector s Sixth Form poetry even- 
ings. 

22 R. B. Cutting. 

23 J. R, Swan. 

2* George Dabney. 

25 C. Preston — "Reddy." 

[ 117] 



BIRTHDAY 

1894 

BEGINNING about twelve months ago. 
We thought the time was here 
To celebrate by a spree or so 
The School's Decennial Year. 

The Homestead Concert was the tenth 

As stated at the time. 
And Prize Day was spun out at length 

When spring was at its prime. 

And yet would one but calculate, 

'T was not exactly right. 
For, to be really accurate. 

We 're just ten years to-night. 

I pause for a minute to gather wind ; 

My verse is always windy. 
I need cast-iron lungs and a throat well tinned 

To celebrate this shindy. 

I fain would touch upon stories such 

As are told about Nigger Dan,i 
About Thorndike^ small, about Goddard^ tall. 

Of Robeson,^ and Captain Mahan.^ 

Of Bumham's® renown and Archie Brown, 
Of Blagden and Bowditch's brothers ; 

Of Moseley and Derby and Goodrich and Hare, 
And dozens and dozens of others. 
[ 119 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

From Demijohn's ^ whiskers to Mr. B's ^ beard. 
And Billy Post's fine head of hair. 

Some gags on Moncure are expected, I 'm sure. 
He 's a joke in himself — look there. 

To pour heaps of flattery on Mr. Slattery, 

And the rest of the Faculty new, 
Including the pair of our own old boys. 

Is a thing I should like to do. 

But I 've got to wait till another date, 

For Christmas is drawing near. 
And really, I 've got to save something to say 

Of our Unidecennial Year. 

Ten years is really a good long time 

To have spent in vain endeavour. 
To make boys learn section 127 ^ 

And find that they do so never. 

To keep on patiently trying to prove 

To each new generation 
That triangular methods must be employed 

For a really good translation. 

That will I is never the right thing to say. 
That marks are but japes and vanity. 

That to cancel or talk of changing signs 
Is algebraic profanity. 

I 've seen strange sights in these ten long years. 
But I 'd give ten guineas sterling 
[ 120 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1894 

If some one would show me a stranger sight 
Than Bobo ^^ when dressed for girHng. 

His dainty mustache, his necktie flash. 

Is quainter than anything going; 
He 's a combination of turtledove 

And elephant out a-beauing. 

But his breakfast toilet surpasses far 
The most exquisite London fashion; 

A pair of pijamas with trimmings to match. 
And a rather perfunctory wash on. 

I 've seen fresh kids in these ten long years. 
Even Craighead was fresh when he came; 

Even Miffy was fresh and the Motley twins; 
Berty Bell a bit fresh, some claim ; 

And Coster ^^ was fresh, — or his collars were, — 
Though they 've been a bit mauled since then. 

Yes, I 've seen fresh kids in these ten long years. 
But I could n't say honestly when 

I've seen a kid so utterly free 

From emban-assment in class. 
As Here supply whom you 're thinking of. 

The man with the cheek of brass. 

» 
I 've seen learned men these ten long years 

As the Faculty larger grew, 

And first or nexter, our learned Rector, 

Of course I refer to the Br — ^^ 

[ 121 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And one who in Music and Dutch and Greek 

You '11 agree is a regular howler. 
We wish though, alas! he were with us to-night. 

Of course I refer to the Gr — ^^ 

And one whose health is n't always good. 
Who has often one foot in the grave. 

But who comes up smiling at Faculty feasts, 
Of course I refer to the Br — ■^'^ 

And I 've heard it said as boys go to bed. 

That discipline grows lax 
When one is away — so the mice can play. 

Of course I refer to M — ^^ 

And one who can make the football go. 

When he does n't Mr. Cush face. 
And is training a youthful but hopeful mustache. 

Of course I refer to P — ^^ 

If Dennie Hare's shoes are no more use, 
Let him carefully grease them with butter. 

Put rubber soles on them to stop the squeak. 
And present them to Mr. Nutter. 

I 've heard strange tongues in these ten long years 
From Dagos with monk' and banan' ; 

But DeKoven can beat, with his accent so sweet. 
The most talented hand-organ man. 

But the sweetest thing in languages 
Is the French from across the pond 
[ 122 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1894 

Jack Stedman uses when reading aloud 
Those love tales of which he 's so fond. 

I 've heard of queer food in these ten long years, 

But I must expostulate 
With Delancey Jay, who partakes, they say. 

Each day of a heaped-up plate 

Of the food delicious which I 'd supposed 

Fifth Formers alone digested. 
Put up by Mellin, that sport who so 

In baseball is interested. ^'^ 

I 've seen queer flowers these ten long years. 
But for countenance round and merry. 

The human sunflower takes the cake, — 
Mr. Chadwick christened Gerry. 

I 've heard of dark deeds in these ten long years. 

Of masters base and cruel. 
Of black marks, detention, and squibs to write out. 

Of diets of toast and gruel ; 

But Connell avers that the crudest thing 

Is the way Mr. Gushing acts. 
" You 're an unjust man just because you 're tall," 

Is his view of the brutal facts. 

I 've seen queer football these ten long years. 

But the queerest kinds of trick 
Are those entitled Kill Barret, ^^ Paw Cross,^^ 

Hustle Bobo, Push Cush, Tickle Dick.^o 
[ 123 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And one of the funniest football games 

May be witnessed in study hall, 
Five masters^ ten graduates, twenty-five boys. 

Kicking rocks hidden in an old ball. 

I 've heard queer noises these ten long years, 

But hark to my gruesome story 
Of the horrid sounds that proceed each night 

From the downstairs dormitory. 

A scuffle, a fight, when out goes the light; 

A struggle, a tussle, a murder; 
'Tis only the efforts for order at night 

Of the ever watchful Schroeder. 

Or stay, it 's not that, it 's a Motley twin 

Overhead who has lately slain 
Jim Barney, who tried to play policeman. 

And never will try it again. 

I 've seen freaks of nature in these ten years. 

And several pairs of twins. 
But for wondrous resemblance commend me to 

The exactly identical grins. 

And exactly identical tufts of hair. 
Which adorn young Krumbhaar's face 

And Stanton Whitney's, as well as the nose 
And other ideals of grace. 

I 've heard strange tales in these ten long years. 
But much the queerest yarn 

[ 124 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1894 

Is the tale of the wonderful laughing horse 
In Waterbury's barn. 

He shrugs his shoulders, this marvellous beast, 

And winks with his left-hand ear. 
And bucks with his back, but it 's when he sights 
Jack, 

So perhaps it 's not quite so queer. 

I 've seen dear ladies these ten long years, 

But the lonely condition of Adam 
Before Eve was born was n't more forlorn 

Than Groton without the Madam.^^ 

I 've had sad partings these ten long years — 
Old boys, you don't know you 're missed; 

But one of the hardest of all has been 
The one that stands last on the list. 

It may seem strange to see such a change. 

But St. Mark's for once has gained 
At Groton' s expense, and regret immense 

The prize they have lately obtained. 

So good luck to St. Mark's in her new career, 

To her Master and Mistress new.^^ 
Though we '11 still be happy to wipe up the ground 

With her teams as we always do. 

I 've seen kids come in these ten long years, 
And I 've seen men go as well, 

[ 125 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

There's been much of laughter and little of tears 
In the story they have to tell. 

I 've seen them grow and I 've seen them go 

To be captains of football or crew ; 
To win renown and the athlete's crown 

As wearers of crimson or blue. 

Bill Ives learned to row on our river, you know; 

Bob Emmons here made his first rush ; 
Pere Corbin's^^ first crew was a Squannacook two; 

Here Scottie St. Mark's did crush. 

I 've seen them go forth East and West, South and 
North, 

To college and business and life. 
One graduate bold — how it makes me feel old — 

Has even selected a wife.^* 

And Groton remembers her four dear sons, 

First fruits of her early love ; 
Her morning stars, who were called to shine 

So soon in the world above. 

Ah ! ten long years of unnumbered joys 

Scarce dimmed by an hour of pain. 
Your memory bright cheers my heart to-night 

As I think of it all again. 



[ 126 ] 



NOTES 

^ G. Draper. 

^ J. L. Thorndike. 

3 K H. I. Goddard. 

^ A. R. Sargent, 

5 L. E. Mahan. 

^ W. A. Burnham. 

^ H. P. Rogers. 

^ Grown in the Andaman Islands. 

® Irregular verbs. 

^ A. R. Sargent] 

^ E. C. Wilmerding. 

^ The Bru — Mr. Billings. 

^ Growler — Mr. Higley. 

* Brave — Mr. Ayrault. 

^ Max — Mr. Gladwin. 

^ Pushface — Mr. Griswold. 

^ A champion nine to which the famous food company 

sent caps as an advertisement. 
^ Cecil Barret. 
» W. R. Cross. 

20 R. Wheatland. 

21 Sabbatical year for Rector and family. 

22 Reverend W. G. Thayer became Head Master of St. 
Mark's in 1894-. 

23 W. R. Cross. 

24 H. A. Parker. 



[ 127 ] 



BIRTHDAY 
1895 

WE'VE reached a rev' rend age^my brethren dear, 
Whom once again I welcome round me here; 
The number most important under heaven 
In all our thoughts — a mighty fine eleven. 

An omen — 't is a number you must know. 
Whose fame as far as Southboro shall go, 

And strike with dark foreboding on their ears — 
Beware the Infant of eleven years. 

The Rector and the Madam have come back. 
And Mr. Woods's laugh no more we lack; 

While Mr. Higley looks — I won't say weird. 
But somewhat foreign in his flowing beard. 

The Madam has brought home a cuckoo clock 
To drown the voices of her infant flock. 

Who fill the halls with music all the day. 
With Malcolm at the head in fierce array. 

This mighty warrior and valiant man 

In free fight lately knocked out Sullivan. 

I do not mean John L. — Oh, no, Oh my, no ! 
I mean that greater pugilist, SuUino.^ 

The graduates we are glad to see 

Can — some of them — still come here. 

Though they 're getting engaged at a fearful rate — 
Five or six in a single year. 
[ 129 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And talking of this when the Fourth Form read 

Of the French young man who sat 
With the hand of his girl from eight to twelve, 

Jack Stedman exclaimed at that, 

With exactness and promptness that well displayed 

His great mathematical powers. 
As well as his knowledge of lovers' ways, 

" Eight to twelve ! Great Scott ! — Four hours ! " 

Oh, habeo tu video 

The famous Groton School, 
The subject for the poet 

Of this, his annual drool. 

Oh, habeo tu video. 

The Flitlets ^ saith — saith he ; 
Or esse quam videri,^ 

What is there here to see ? 

I '11 take you for a stroll about 
As if you were some mother. 

Or new arrival being shown 
The sights by his big brother. 

I '11 take you round as Mr. Sedg- 

Wick took in Mr. Cutting.* 
Or Dibblee arm in arm with our 

New Master, Mr. Nutting.^ 

There is a little Club-room, 
One of the studies blue, 
[ 130 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1895 

And if you 'd like to come along 
I '11 take a glimpse with you 

Of what goes on there every night 

When I stick in my head, 
To see if everything is safe^ 

When boys are sent to bed. 

There Jimmy Haha ® gathers round 
His knees his Fifth Form chickens, 

And reads the House of Gables Seven, 
And other works of Dickens.'^ 

I see fat Whitney ^ fresh and clean 

From numerous ablutions. 
And Davis ® resting of his voice 

From wondrous evolutions 

Performed in trying hard to reach 

The goal to which aspire 
Those Prima Donnas unrenowned 

Who 've failed to make the Choir. 

I next behold a Pepin Bird ^^ 

Of plumage rich and rare. 
They do say 't was a Hoptoad once, 

Then grew a head of hair. 

Then two thick legs — a pair of wings - 

Because he was so good, 
A grouch ^^ so sweet, then all complete 

Forth to the world he stood. 
[ 131 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Then resting from some wrestling bout 

Behold that pair of ponies, 
George Clarke and red-faced Lobster-Pot,^^ 

Called Venus and Adonis. 

A huntsman bold is spinning yarns. 

Fish stories fit to stun one. 
And of the bear who chased him and 

Most gobbled our poor Bunyan.^^ 

I bid good-night — ah, tristful sight ! 

You 'd think it would have killed her; 
I see the separation scene 

Of Wotan 1* and Brunnhilde.i^ 

The lady tall, the other small 

But very muscular man. 
Her first name I am told is Liz, 

His last namie is Mahan. 

How silent it is in the house these days 
When the boys have gone to bed. 

No sounds are heard from the sleeping-place 
As there used to be overhead. 

For the Upper Sixth ^^ has gone afar 

And taken the noise away 
Which used to fill Mr. Griswold's room — 

Such a charming place to play. 

The truth was the Chicken made such a stir 
With the marvellous exercise 
[ 132 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1895 

He went through every single night 
To keep down his abnormal size; 

And the clarinet and the twangolet. 

The fiddle and cornet and flute. 
Made it rather hard for the kids to sleep. 

So to settle the whole dispute 

The orchestra simply has removed 

To a separate building now. 
With the Upper Sixth to their Country Club,*"^ 

And there they can make their row. 

There Puffy ^^ can snore, and Bell ^^ can jaw. 
And Vance ^^ can explain to the Onion, 

As he did to the lady at dinner, how he 
Is Head Editor of the Grotonian. 

While the orchestra fools with his ^^ science tools 

And warbles a roundelay. 
For we all agree he is unexcelled 

In all species of Push play. 

And once a week, the ignoble brute,^^ 

Alone in his glory there. 
Trots out a new tune on his dulcet flute 

And gets a new cut to his hair. 

I '11 take you to the dining-room — 

There smiling neat and fair 
Sits Coster ^^; I but gaze at him. 

He wiggles in his chair. 
[ 133 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

I wag my baldness up and down, 

I never say a thing. 
I merely stare with haughty frown 

Upon his diamond ring. 

He 's since confided to his friends. 

He wished I 'd stay away 
From meals, I make him laugh so much. 

In my engaging way. 

He wants to get his courage up 

To face the awful bag 
He punches fiercely once a day. 

And cannot face a wag. 

The triangle has lost its charm- 
Since I have brought him woe. 

He roams round shouting Xvojjuixl 
Korip^ofiai — to go. 

Alas, I fear it is no cinch 

To sit at meals with me. 
And circulate the butter plate — 

Ask Shruby ^^ — he '11 agree. 

For when upon his elbow down 

He leans his weary head. 
If I my tumbler stir, with fear 

His very nose turns red. 

And if I Birckhead should address, 
With fear he 's well-nigh kilt, 
[ 134 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1895 

Lest I forget the rev'rence due 
To a friend of Vanderbilt. 

He has the quaintest way, you know. 

Whenever he is mocked — 
He in confusion hides his nose 

To show that he is shocked. 

I next proceed to see the kids 

So sportive and so merry. 
I pause and watch the gambolUngs 

Of Burnham and of Gerry,^* 

Of Morin Hare and Eugene Thayer, 

Moseley and Howard Gary, 
And pass on to the noisy throng — 

The new kids fresh and airy. 

At my approach I see a youth. 

And note a gentle Breese,^^ 
As he remarks with haughtiness 

And manner quite at ease, 

" I 've asked for curiosity, 

But nobody will say. 
Pray, who is Peter Higginson? 

What is he anyway.^" 

They 're nearly all editions small 
Of well-known elder brothers, 

Krumbhaar and Derby, Bradley, Brown, 
And hosts and hosts of others. 

[ 185 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

There's Brick Top/^ brother of the Black; 

Then come two Httle Rooks,^'^ 
And nearer than a brother e'en 

A brother-in-laWj named Brooks.^^ 

And last to come, although not least. 
There 's Herman's little brother. ^^ 

Another Davis — can it be ? ^^ 
Exists there such another? 

And is n't there among them one 

Called Willie Mannikin? 
If I am wrong you'll set me Wright ^^ — 

To tease him were a sin. 

I pass the bath-room by, and hear 

A fearful slippery splash, 
'T is Randolph,^^ who first soaps his tub. 

Then makes the awful dash. 

I pass by Mr. Edward's ^^ door, 

And hear the merry laughs 
Caused by the compliments received 

But lately on his calfs. 

I pass the bed of Percy White, 
That flower unknown to fame. 

For in my poems till to-night 
No one has heard his name. 

I just thrust in my head to see 
If Mr Ayrault's got 
[ 136 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1895 

Suggestions for the Varsity, 
And in my note-book jot. 

For on my word, I think he 's right 
In what he says of Haughton, 

If Harvard needs a quarter-back 
They want a man from Groton. 

I find him trying on a pair 

Of bloomers for his bike. 
He tells me people think him some 

New Woman or the like. 

I stop at Mr. Sedgwick's room. 

He 's trying on, I find. 
The nose protector — special make 

He 's recently designed. 

How sweet he looks to-night — a wreath 

Twined in his raven locks, 
His trouser legs turned up to show 

His lovely crimson socks. 

I next go by the sewing-room 

Where Sawyer ^* 's rubbing spots out 

With a prescription he has got 
For taking stains and blots out. 

It 's kept on tap not far away 

In the Infirm'ry closet. 
Pneumonia — excellent, he says. 

And now we know what was it. 
[ 137 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

I pass the kitchen door^ and see 

Reposing in a dish. 
With Mr. BilHngs bending o'er, 

A week-from-Friday's fish. 

Let 's ask him ere this ball is o'er 

To give us all a chance 
To see him execute for us 

His famous song and dance.^^ 

I cross the grounds 'mid storm and wind 
And tweakling, twickling wain, 

Twackling on wetched woad and woof, 
I wun with might and main.^^ 

Exhausted by this awful job 

I then retired to bed. 
And so no doubt you 'd like to do. 

You must be nearly dead 

Of this performance, so good-night, 
I 've made my best endeavour. 

Happy returns of this great date, 
God bless the School forever. 



[ 138 ] 



NOTES 

^ Sullivan Cochrane. 

2 E. N. Potter. 

^ Motto on stained-glass window in Brooks House. 

* W. B. Cutting, Jr. 

^ C. R. Nutter — 6y no means new. 

^ James Lawrence, Jr. 

^ As he asserts. 

^ Stanton Whitney. 

^ J. Bancroft Davis — author of the Quantitative Ideal 

of Choir Singing. 

W. W. Hoppin, Jr. 

'^Monkey-wrench face. 

E. N. Potter. 
Hugh Auchincloss. 
L. E. Mahan. 

F. Gordon Brow?i — "Lizzie." 
W. A. M. Burden — the Chicken or Onion. 
Upstairs in Brooks House. 

8 C. B. Curtis. 

9 B. F. Bell. 

20 J. M. McCormick. 

21 i. e. Mr. Pushface Griswold. 

22 E. C. Wilmerding. 

?^ A. L. Devens, Jr. "Circulatory'' system started for his 
benefit. Water in the sleeve if he leaned on his elbow. 

2* E. G. Chadwick. 

2^ Sidney Breese. 

26 W. P., brother of C. Blagden. 

2"^ L. and K. Rainsford. 

2^ G. Brooks — brother-in-law of R. W. Emmons, 2nd. 

2^ E. B. Krumbhaar. 

[ 139 ] 



NOTES 

^^ Steuart Davis. 

31 W. M. Wright. 

32 A. B. Randolph. 

33 Mr. E. Sturgis. 
3* A. W. Sawyer. 

35 Promised by the Rector and Mr. B. in case of a St. 

Mark's victory. 
3^ H. P. Rogers, loquitur. 



[ 140 ] 



CHRISTMAS 

1895 

[Fragment] 

The Masters are popular in School and out. 

But sometimes it 's very grotesque. 
The rivalry seen in the school-room about 

The seat that is nearest the desk. 
Some fellows are plain in their pref rence and blunt. 

Though of chairs round about there 's a host. 
They yearn for their turn in the one that 's in front, 

Guy Gary first has it, then Post. 

By the way, though, while we are a-speaking of Bill, 

They tell of a very good gag. 
With what do you s'pose that he saw fit to fill 

His alpaca dirty clothes bag.^ 
Bill 's always a- thinking of books, he is — or 

Of music, his fiddles and lutes. 
He 'd not an idea what a clothes bag was for. 

And so the lad filled it with boots. 

A fearful decree goes forth 

As the winds 'gin to scream from the north. 

The children must not go out 

Head covering thick without. 

I rush for my warm fur hat. 
And wonder where it can be at. 
The Peabody ladies wear flower pots red 
Turned upside down on each comely head. 
[ 141 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And Flits ^ puts on a derby, 

And Derby ^ wears a Potter, 
And Whitney ^ fat gets a little straw hat, 

And Bobo * a muff of otter, 

And sends a telegram to town 

To summon his private tailor 
To make him a bonnet with ribbons on it, 

Or a sweet Uttle thing a la sailor. 

PufF^ wears a knitted stocking, 

And the sight is really shocking. 
To witness Pat ^ in a Nestle' s Food hat, 

And other sights worthy of mocking. 

There once was a Captain of brave renown 

At skating, ice polo, and hawky, 
He got up a squad with Commodore Pot,*^ 

And Slino ^ and Emmons ^ and Bawky.^*^ 

He played so hard that a pain in his back — 

Just consequence of his polo — 
Crept up to his voice till it made it crack,^^ 

So he had to abandon his solo. 

But Tiddledywinks ^^ stepped into the breach 

Instead of the voice thus rusted. 
And sang in the place of that skater brave, 

And the hawky team since has busted. 

The Prefects through the dining-hall are scat- 
tered. 
The other fellows sitting in their places 
[ 142 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1895 

In their turn now make Mrs. P. feel flattered 
By challenges to croquette-eating races. 

While Grandpa ^^ looks so cunning in his specs, 
And eats until you really thinks he 's strangling; 

While in the air not reaching to the ground 
His jolly little legs are seen a-dangling. 

It gave me joy the other day 
To hear a lady say. 
That the cunningest sight in the wide, wide world 
Was to see the lambs at play. 

But the lambyest kids in the wide, wide world 

That ever the lady had seen. 
Were Burnham, the Guinea Pig,^* frisking about 

And with him our honey Eugene. ^^ 

If you want to know the history 
Of any Hebrew mystery 

Connected with Jerusalem of old. 
Apply to Mr. Simmy one.^^ 
He offers to tell any one 

Whate'er in that connection 's to be told. 

In the lavatory splashing, 
The golden shekels flashing. 

He was caught when very busy t'other night, 
A-washing and a-rubbing, 
A-polishing and scrubbing. 

To keep de monna beautiful and bright. 
[ 143 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Timmy Mahan,^"^ 

The big fat man. 
With hair in a quaint style of taste. 

Is taking a course 

To increase his force 
And diminish the girth of his waist. 

Each day in the Gym 

You may witness Tim 
In calisthenic contortions; 

He squirms and smiles 

In all manner of styles 
With wiggles of awful proportions. 

My reverend friend 

Must really amend 
His habits of stealing and picking. 

He ate the chops 

And the lolly-pops 
Intended for Bill the Chicken. ^^ 

He hoped perhaps 

That these tender scraps 
Might make him grow tall and stout. 

But he 's got a long way 

To travel, they say. 
Before he can work that out. 

Though Burden and Burnham, 
The two big Bills, 

Got mixed up the other day, 
[ 144 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1895 

And wore each other's shirts and pants 
In a highly becoming way. 

We 've got a skilled Practeeshoner 

From Europe lately back, 
Woden/9 the Mouse, F. R. C. S.— 

He 's something of a quack. 

For Demijohn ^^ with a painful pain 

Besought him the other night 
For a little relief, but imagine his grief 

When the medicine made him tight. 

At least, so he said, for all night long 
He said he 'd Deliwium tweemens. 

And howid convulsions and ghosts and things 
That wavaged and wacked his dweamings. 

And talking of dreams and midnight fancies — 
Have you heard of Jimmy Jackson, 

His charming every-night romances 
When candy brings attacks on? 

Each night he 's wedded to some fair 

And exquisite new charmer. 
Next morn he 's clean forgot her name, 

And she 's returned to marmer. 

The English Department of Groton School 
Has started a Shakespeare revival. 

Macbeth is expounded by Wharton or Swan, 
Or some other shag-haired rival. 
[ 145 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Alarms and excursions — a rumble of drums, 

Oh, horror! horror! horror! 
Enter Bergquist ^^ white in a gown of night, 

And blacks the boots for the morrer. 

I sit at table between a pair — 

I 'm white, they 're black ^^ and red.^^ 

Though one is so dark and the other so fair, 
'T is singular, but 't is said 

That the dark one bathes ev'ry morn, noon and eve 

No matter how most of us shiver; 
And when the tubs at the School give out 

He goes down and bathes in the river. 

While the ruby one swallows a mouthful or two 

On an average twice in a fall. 
And thus works a combine on brushing the teeth 

And bathing and washing and all. 

I should like to recommend 

The invention of a friend, 
'Tis as simple as is eating bread and butter: 

A reform in underwear. 

All in one piece, made with care. 
And worn by Truly yours, C. Reinhardt Nutter. 

You must get in from behind 
If the opening you can find. 
And Mr. Sedgwick then will lace you up. 

[ 146 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1895 

He keeps them now in stock — he 's 
Got caps, old books, and hockeys 
On sale at his new mission'ry Coop. 

He '11 let you skates they tell us 

Cheaper than other sellers — 
They cost about ten cents a day or so; 

And he has another line, too, 

If such you do incline to. 
Of handkerchiefs at half a dime a blow. 

The melodies entrancing. 

And the jolly coon's romancing. 
We heard from a young lady t' other day. 

They seemed to set on fire 

And the inmost heart inspire 
Of Farrington when he began to play. 

His expression was ecstatic. 

His pose was most dramatic. 
It seemed as though his very soul was stirred. 

And Mr. Ayrault, frantic. 

At lyrics so romantic. 
Waved his handkerchief at every second word. 

The year is ending, bleak and cold the sky; 

Brief sunshine, then the death of shortening day. 
Nature is sleeping, on the fair plains lie 

December's snows, the world is old and gray. 

December, saddest of the months and drear, 
Icy and heartless, cruel and forlorn; 
[ 147 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Gloomiest, darkest month of all the year. 
Old age of time, symbol of life outworn. 

Yet midst its gloom and darkness, lo, a light 
Streaming in radiance over earth and sky. 

Lo! songs of angels through the weary night, 
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emanuel is nigh. 

Oh, Light of Bethlehem, Thy beams divine. 
Have turned December's darkness into day. 

Month of all months wherein the tapers shine 
And halls are decked with holly and with bay. 

The Yule log crackles louder than the storm. 

Kind deeds through v^dnter's gloom their light have 
flung. 
Though all without be frozen — hearts are warm, 

The world be old, yet hope forever young. 

And home, most blessed place in all the earth, 
Made holier by the light of Christmas joys. 

Yet no home smiled for His most holy Birth, 
The homeless are His nearest ones, my boys. 

Forget not them 'mid mirth of Christmastide, 
Forget not them when all is glad and jolly; 

And so farewell, a merry time be yours. 
And cakes and ale and mistletoe and holly. 



[ 148 ] 



NOTES 

1 E. N. Potter. 

^ Richard Derby. 

^ Stanton Whitney. 

^ A. R. Sargent. 

5 C. B. Curtis. 

^ J. M. Patterson. 

■^ E. N. Potter. 

^ S. Cochrane. 

^ W, B. Emmons. 
^^ Hugh Auchincloss. 
^^ D. S. Haivkins. 
^^ Edivard Gray, Jr. 
^^ D. F. Carpenter. 
^* W. A. Burnham. 

15 E. V. R. Thayer, Jr. — "Honey No Nose." 
i« S. B. Chittenden. 
1^ L. E. Mahan. 

18 W. A. M. Burden. 

19 Dr. A. H. Woods. 

20 H. P. Rogers. 
E. Bergquist — Janitor. 
C. Blagden. 
A. L. Devens, Jr. 



[ 149 ] 



BIRTHDAY 

1896 

TIS the voice of the poet, I heard him declare, 
'Tis October 13th^ and I 'm still in despair. 
For, look you, two days, and the guests have been 

bidden 
To hark to a poem that is n't yet written. 
Our years are advancing, our birthdays a dozen, 
'Tis time the old laureate shut off his buzzin'. 
For speech it is silver, the proverb folks say. 
And silence is golden, and gold wins to-day.^ 

But speech may be golden at times, I suppose. 

Provided it only be written in prose. 

When Groton's Boy Orator ^ squashes out flat 

The other Boy Orator called " Of the Platte" 

(Better known as Boy Orator talking through "hat"). 

So I sharpened my pencil, and parted my hair — 

My pencil! Two dozens I used in despair. 

Then sought round my class for a few dozens more 

That of late tried my nerves so when dropped on the 

floor. 
But though my poor brains had been cudgelled about. 
No rhymes would appear, and the pencils gave out. 
For Wells ^ had exhausted the total supply 
In making curl papers — the School had run dry. 
I turned in my anguish to Prefects and kids 
To get an assortment of jokes and of squibs; 
But to give one another away they seemed loath. 
To reveal not a word they had taken an oath. 

[ 151 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Frank Alsop declared with the tears in his eyes 
That Chadwick had grown to such corpulent size 
That he very much feared he would lick him if he 
Should reveal Master Gerry's dark secret to me. 
While Mr. Woods said he 'd a squib full of wit^ 
But that Black Dicky Derby would give him a fit. 
Jimmy Jackson was full of great jokes on the twins. 
But the Motleys had threatened to tell Jimmy's sins. 
Liph * told me to go to his brother and ask — 
"He's a terrible gabbler, 't will be no hard task 
To pump him;" but he would ne'er pardon me if 
I revealed what young Fuller revealed about Liph. 
Now, what is a poet to do in such case.^ 
My hearers, — just put yourselves into my place. 
If you fellows won't give one another away. 
What on earth is there left for your poet to say.'' 
There was one resource more, and I thought I 'd try it 
To supply the material, furnish the wit, 
And right to my hand was a hint I had got 
From a Bird of the Sixth so well known for his 

p — figure.^ 
"A little bird told me," we hear people say. 
The Pippin Bird said, — and himself gave away, — 
If the fellows won't tell, ask their sisters ; they will. 
"I learned from his sister," thus quoth little Bill. 
So here 's the result of my painful research. 
When the boys thus had left the poor bard in the 

lurch, 
I called on a sister, an aunt, or a cousin, 
And give of the facts that I heard half a dozen. 

[ 152 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1896 

They tell me that Goodwin ® 
Is Jack Waterbury's twin; 
That Bigelow and Moseley 
Get on together cosily. 

That a new boy you have met 
Is named Charlie T. Brunette.' 
That Hoya ^ says that Bryan 
Says McKinley men are lyin. 

That Jack Stedman wants to know 
If he 's cut out for a beau.^ 
Is his dressing really neat.^ 
For he 's going girls to meet. 

And he 's filled with some dismay — 
Do please tell him what to say. 
And that Grizzy ^ people begs 
To admire his pretty legs. 

And Drexel Paul they say 
Has a taste for the ballet. 
While Nat Emmons wants to know 
Where's his brother's cupolo.? 

That MifFy ^^ sees sea snakes 

If of root beer he partakes. 

And that Hutchy ^^ 's quite sure of it 

He in London saw the prophet 

Which the famous Sargent painted. 
And which we, who are acquainted 
[ 153 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

With the Boston Lib'ry's halls. 
Always thought adorned its walls. 

"Well/' says he, "you won't dispute 
It 's a handsome London suit. 
Fifteen dollars, greenish buff. 
And I tell you it 's good stuff." 

They will tell you of the three 
Tall and tough as a pine tree. 
Lean and lengthy, long and gawky, — 
Ivy,^^ Timothy,^^ and Bawky.^* 

Yes, they '11 tell of kids and goats, 
Short-legged pants and long-tailed coats. 
Wherefore I will now rehearse 
What they told me, in my verse. 

The lady fair with golden hair 
That about Dodo ^^ told me. 

First praised the grace of his sweet face 
And then went on to scold me 

Because I 'd taught him that he ought 
When called on to translate. 

Use triangles, rules three and five. 
And also circulate. 

And thife he did as he was bid. 
If I 'd been there, I 'd lick'd yer. 

Sprechende Gleichniss, he declared. 
Was Dutch for "living Picture." 
[ 154 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1896 

And Farther Gaul^ he told us all. 

If properly translated, 
Was Pater Gallia, a place 

Readers of Caesar hated. 

Said Wogers,^^ "When I 'm gwown up, I 

A wazor weal shall have." 
To him, John Thlopth ^"^ thus made reply, 

"Thir! there 'th not muth to thave." 

Wogers wetorted full of wath. 

With wepartee so nimble. 
Thlopth thaid, ^*You 're thimply thounding 
brath, 

And a thilly tinkling thymbal." 

George Clarke,^^ he is a beauty, 

At golf he is a terror. 
George Clarke he can play baseball. 

And never make an error. 

But Learning is his strongest point; 

At Latin he is great. 
He says he reads it perfectly. 

Only he can't translate. 

Great oaks from little acorns grow, 

I take it then for granted 
That Bigs' s ^® acorn had a start 

When Bigs' s oak was planted. 

He needs at least a suit a week. 
And I would take my oath 
[ 155 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

It takes two beds placed end on end. 
To manage one night's growth. 

"Oh, honey/'^ my no-nose, who is this lady fair? 

Who is this lovely lady? tell me, pray." 
"'Tis but a tenth cousin, I have them by the dozen; 

No, really, it is not my fian9ee." 

How long does it take for a crew to row nine miles. 
When rowing at the rate of three an hour ? 

"Unless you tell," quoth he, "just how long that 
stream may be 
To answer it is not within my power." 

Now Biddle is a new Moncure, 

And, therefore, much he must endure. 

For in this annual rhyme 
Unless his name should find a spot. 
Like Monny Robinson's, I wot 

'T would wreck it every time. 

And did you hear how he was wrecked ? 
And could you, brethren dear, suspect 

How he a ship would save ? 
Pulled out a plug with courage stout — 
'T was just to let the water out. 

She sank beneath the wave. 

And now he 's here, just come this year. 
You 'd never think it, but I fear 
He 's much too far ahead. 
[ 156] 



BIRTHDAY 1896 

He finds his Latin, oh, so slow. 
He wants to skip a book or so. 
That stupid stuff he 's read. 

There 's a youngster in the School 
Who though small is not a fool. 

But who wishes very much indeed to learn. 
Mr. Parrish ^^ is his name. 
He '11 be some day known to fame. 

For his mind has such a question-asking turn. 

He really wants to know 
About Groton School, and so 

He enquired with an innocence extreme, 
Was it Gordon Brown, he wondered } 
Was it Archie } Had he blundered ? 

Who was Captain of the Groton football team } 

Oh, Roger Derby, it is said. 
Once on a time he lay in bed. 
When underneath a strange commotion 
Arose like heaving of the ocean. 

Then Black-Eyed Susan ^^ 'gan to shout, 
"Ah ! what is this ? I can't make out." 
But Fuller Potter heeded not, 
A heedless youth is Fuller Pot. 

"Alas ! you 're shaking me to bits; 
You '11 shake me thin and jar my wits." 
Next morn th' emaciated lubber 
Had lost quite twenty pounds of blubber. 
[ 157 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Young Politics Wharton ^^ considers that Groton 
Don't give the poor boys much to eat; 

So after supper^ just go to that upper 
Room where he will give you a treat. 

For Roosey ^* and he give an afternoon tea, 
The nurse is endeav'ring to train 'em. 

So Roosey gets fat — Polly always is that. 
And it 's due to their diet of granum. 

Oh, where is Coster, ^^ our little dog beau. 

Our dear little Dachshund fat ? 
With collar so high and with legs so low 

And presence as big as that ? 

He went to call at the Homestead Hall, 
And they promptly turned him out. 

Wrote to Wright & Ditson's to get him a belt — 
They had n't one, he was too stout. 

At last he fled to the library. 

And there on a pillar high. 
They made him pose in his evening clothes 

As Mercury learning to fly. 

Said Brown ^^ to a Master,^^ — his name I won't say, — 
"We want a good guard and you really must play." 
So the Master began, with the tears in his eyes. 
To knock off* fifteen pounds of superfluous size. 

Much work he performed, and but little he ate. 
And often he sighed and just gazed at his plate. 

[ 158 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1896 

And the awful result, when he scarce was alive, 
Was a heft that would not go below sixty-five. 

Take warning, my children, nor ask that the food 
Of the School, be it fish or corned beef, be eschewed. 
For his weight on that diet has gone up so fast 
That it reaches a fat round two hundred at last. 
And the size of his limbs would, I really think, shock us 
Were it not for the cut of his vast knickerbockers. 

Now, fellows, let us give three balls 

For Groton. Hip ! Hip ! some one ^^ calls. 

Carried away by zeal. 
Jerusalem, I did n't mean it. 
Why, any fellow might have seen it, 

'T is but the way I feel. 

Poor Simmy one, is trade so bad ? 
They tell me you are feeling sad 

About those fifty dollars 
You might have made if you 'd but lent your 
Good cash to Mr. Gushing' s venture — 

His shop run by the scholars. 

There is a famous man in Groton town 
Who 's going to turn poor Dr. Warren down. 
Although they say he 's something of a quack,^^ 
Yet brave ^^ men have employed him for their back. 

But liniment of chloroform he should 
Avoid henceforth, for surely 't is no good. 

[ 159 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Behold the truly horrible effect 
It made upon the rubicund aspect, 

Upon the lovely nose of Mr. Devens, 
Ornament of the best of School elevens, 
Though some^have said, — but really 'tis absurd, — 
The beauty spot was pecked there by a bird ^^ 

That Shruby ^^ found in bed the other night. 
Which made his rosy face turn pale with fright. 
The bird had but escaped from yonder hall 
Where Mr. Griswold keeps his show this fall. 
A whole menagerie of birds, beasts, fishes. 
With smells as scientific as he wishes. 

It 's perfectly jolly to witness Colly ^ 

Engaged in eating cherries; 
To make it plain, 't is an endless chain 

Of those highly delicious berries. 

The cherry goes in at the left of his chin. 
He 's hardly had time to begin it. 

When the stone in sight appears on the right, 
He thus consumes ninety per minute. 

There sits J. R.,^* and he really thinks 
That he is a regular sly old sphinx. 

And never a squib on him 
Shall grace the verse of a birthday night. 
We know he is lazy, we know he is bright. 

But that is material slim. 
[ 160 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1896 

We Ve heard of girls with their teeth of pearls 
And how Hoppin won mixed doubles. 

We 've heard of sighs, red cheeks, blue eyes. 
We 've heard Billy Burnham's troubles. 

We 've heard of the bride they would like to provide, 

A Master's heart to stir up. 
So DeKoven said, Mr. Gladwin fled. 

And but just is back from Europe. 

But who would have thought J. R. was that sort 
If they 'd not seen his conduct frantic 

Each day last spring the Swan spread his wing. 
And warbled his note romantic. 

When afternoons are bright and fair 
How nice it is to take the air. 
How tiresome to have others say, 
"Let 's take a Choir holiday." 

Why should we marvel, therefore, if 
The inspiration came to Liph^^ 
That even he might eke aspire 
To join that noble throng the Choir. 

His voice was tried — what need to tell. 
Pronounced as clear as any bell. 
A bell. Of course the question rises. 
Why like a bell? Cut short surmises. 

Why is Liph like a bell.^ Why, he 
Has got a pull, so now you see. 
[ 161 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

I think you '11 agree that it 's pretty near time 
To turn off my steam and to finish my rhyme. 
For Roosey says he has prepared a reply 
To my squibs, which he threatens to read by and by. 

So let me retire and give him his chance. 
With thanks to the sisters and cousins and aunts 
Who gave me these points to make rhyme of and fun. 
And no doubt you '11 be glad when the Poem is done. 



[ 162 ] 



NOTES 

^ McKinley defeats Bryan. 

2 W. P. Wharton. 

3 R. Wells. 

* E. N. Potter. 
^ Pot — W. W. Hoppin, Jr. 
^ J. L. Goodwin. 
'^ C. T. Brown. 
^ H. Hooker. 
® Le G. C. Griswold. 
^® G. Harrison Mifflin — author of Nahant Sea Serpent 

story. 

C. G. Hutchins. 

R. H. I. Goddard. 

L. E. Mahan. 

Hugh Auchincloss. 

G. D. Morgan. 

Demijohn. 

J. deK. Alsop. 

G. C. = Golf Crazy. 
9 F. B. Riggs~6ft. 6. 

20 E. V. R. Thayer, Jr. 

21 J. C. Parrish. 

22 Roger A. Derby. 

23 W. P. Wharton. 

24 J. R. Roosevelt. 

25 E. C. Wilmerding. 
2^ F. G. Brown. 

27 Mr. Abbott. 

28 S. B. Chittenden. 

29 Mr. Woods. 

30 Mr. Ayrault. 

[ 163 ] 



NOTES 



31 J. R S?van. 

^^ A. L. D evens, Jr, 

33 H. L. Whitridge. 

34 J. R Swan. 

35 E. N. Potter. 



[ 164 ] 



CHRISTMAS 
1896 

The Homestead is crowded as never before 
In the good Groton days since the year 'eighty-four. 
'T is the season for holly and mistletoe berry. 
And Groton is feeling uncommonly merry. 

And is rather disposed the good cheer to prolong 
By further indulgence in fiddle and song. 
But we crave your attention for some moments yet 
To the words of our annual rhyming duet. 

One's reminded of one of those old-fashioned 

things — 
A circus that only can boast of two rings ; 
Don't you think it is time to enlarge it to three.'' 
For a new star has risen in Waterburee.^ 

As the autumn's advanced his fair hair has grown 

long. 
And anon and again he has burst forth in song. 
Stray fragments of verse have been found on his desk 
From early romantic to modern grotesque. 
His beard all unkempt, his mustache got all curly, 
And Jack, bluff old Jack, become hopelessly girly. 

The Homestead has gained since we last gathered 

here. 
And Groton School lost in the same rolling year 
One ornament who, though I mentioned no names. 
Would be known as none else than our Varsity James. ^ 

[ 165 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

We 've missed him at table, at work, and at play, 
Though we 've seen him play guard in his lovely old 

way. 
And we 're all mighty glad since we can't have our 

Jim, 
To come here and wish Merry Christmas to him. 

Our old-fashioned orchestra, mournful to say. 
Has about dwindled down to a single push ^ play. 
So we 've got up a new one with instruments queer. 
Which we all, I am sure, are enchanted to hear. 

And as to the violin, why, Billy Post, 
At tweaking the strings, in himself is a host. 
And Glee Club and Choir, when rolled into one 
As a choral affair, simply captures the bun. 

And for singing, we 'd listen till aged and gray 
To our hostess, and ever once more we would pray. 
Just once more to sing, how the flag of the free 
Came homeward triumphant to old Tennessee. 

But now to our business — to sit on our friends. 
If you knew, dearest brethren, how much it depends 
On your conduct ridiculous during the week. 
Ere you 're called on to figure in verse as a freak, 

You would n't have been so uncommonly sober 
As you were in the opening days of October. 
When I, as I thought of this evening, turned pale. 
And hastily went for instructions to Yale. 

[ 166 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1896 

For there I had heard of the duties so hard 
Which fell to the province of Sumner Gerard, 
Who must do as I do, for he 's made class historian. 
Get off a squib discourse, a joky and gory one. 

Said he, "Do as I do, put names in a hat. 
And invite Mr. Billings to draw lots from that. 
And if you discover he 's bagged every freak. 
Just make him give half his collection unique." 

So now, brother poet, just fire away, 
Select a few freaks and let them have their day. 
And perhaps later on, when your verse takes a rest. 
To slaughter some more I will then do my best. 

The Head Master is generally heard when he speaks. 

His language and voice are both stately. 
But he talked in a whisper for more than two weeks ; 

Has there been any trouble quite lately.'' 
There's some mystery there that I cannot see through. 

His voice disappeared for no reason. 
We were sorry of course ; but yet it is true 

We had peace at the School for a season. 

We heard voices pitched high in the study one night. 

And wondering what had transpired. 
In pity because of some pupil's sad plight, 

Charlie Clarke issued forth, looking tired. 

I don't think a bit that it matters much 
That older the Faculty 's growing, 
[ 167 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

The world appears better each day to our touch 
As the sands of time are flowing. 

Human age is a relative thing, is it not? 

And the boys are all following after 
Us. By some we are being so nearly caught 

It 's a constant source of laughter. 

We 've a club of old men, with three members, in fact. 

Who a dignity serious foster. 
One 's older by far than he seems to act. 

The quite irrepressible Goster.* 

Two others belong, there is Pin ^ and there 's Liph,® 

Who talk much of life and duty. 
Who like serious things and work that is stiff. 

Such as Cicero's De Senectute. 

"Oh, Doctor, come and barber me. 

My hair is red and long; 
The football season 's past and done, 

I hope you're feeling strong." 

Then Doctor Woods he seized the shears. 

And strength indeed displayed. 
Cut Shrube's ^ back hair like a winding stair, 

And an awful mess he made. 

We have tried at the School to impress on the boys 

Their political place in our nation; 
How it ought to be one of their deepest joys 

To fill in their land a high station. 
[ 168 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1896 

But we did n't expect to affect the trustees, 
And it 's so much the greater a pleasure 

To see them taking no thought of their ease. 
And to serious things give their leisure. 

We've had Bishops and Pastors and Schoolmasters too. 
And a jurist most wise, so our fate 's spun. 

And some great business men, but we none of us knew 
That we had on the board a fine statesman. 

You can understand now that much safer we feel, 
The State can't hurt us now without pity. 

For our new representative ^ won't let them steal 
The loved river,® — that grasping old city! 

Of prosperity now our old town will be filled. 
For oppression he views with abhorrence. 

We have got what we long have been wanting — a pull. 
So here 's to our own Mr. Lawrence. 

Oh, I will tell you no whopper. 

And don't you think it a fake, 
I know a fellow named Topper,^^ 

Called Clifford ^^ till now by mistake. 

And who is the fat little party 
Who eats so and waddles about.'' 

He cannot be Coster the hearty. 
He must be the Sister stout. ^^ 

My dear, will you tell me at once if you can, 
I 'm ashamed that I can't quite remember, 
[ 169 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

What happened — I 'm sorry I don't understand — 
Last month on the fourth of November? 

I know that the world was agog at the news, 

And I wonder on sober reflection 
If it was n't the national joyous enthuse 

Over Major McKinley's election. 

Men flung up their hats and they pulled off their 
coats. 

And together they shouted out su'thing; 
'T was perhaps the proportioned Electoral votes, 

They said — forty and six against nothing. 

Old Oracle wise, it is not very oft 

That in questions of fact you 're mistaken. 

But national matters at Groton were dwarfed. 
And our faith in your memory 's shaken. 

Why, that day it was Waterloo over again. 

But listen and I '11 be explicit : 
'T was a furious struggle of men against men. 

For Southborough paid us a visit. 

We 'd twice in succession hard lessons been taught. 
And our fortunes had got to be mended; 

We had lost quite enough, even more as we thought. 
So on Brown and his colts we depended. 

It was trying to wait for the ball to be kicked. 
But we held in our feelings and muzzled 
[ 170 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1896 

Our shouts till we saw they were hopelessly tricked, 
And each individual puzzled. 

'T was n't easy for Southb'ro to quite comprehend 
How the rules of the game all obeying 

We had lined up against them with so many men, 
But the boys in two places were playing. 

The St. Markers tried hard, but more men are what 
wins. 

Men strong and compact and not gawky. 
We had two Billy Lawrences, three or four twins,^^ 

And several editions of Balky. ^^ 

May David's^* new team be of just the same stamp. 
May they follow Brun's ^^ lead and not falter; 

And ne'er may our coacher from Groton DeCamp, 
Decrepit, but foxy old Walter. ^^ 

Oh, won't you come to tea with me } 

And if you *re good, perhaps, 
I may consent to think about 

Dispensing a few scraps. 

You '11 possibly be offered tea. 

But very likely not; 
There 's just a chance some slops are left 

At the bottom of the pot. 

And if you will not lie upon 
The divan in a heap, 
[ 171 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Nor the piano play, nor sit 
On chairs some twenty deep. 

And if you will not steal the cake 

When I 'm not standing by. 
You may '^^at last," as Devens said, 

Be allowed to say Good-bye. 

I find this scheme does not please those 

Who really must have more grub; 
So they 've started a band, and the idea is grand, 

They 've formed the Come Every Day Club. 

This Club wants to pour out the tea for themselves, 

To have me do it 's really a shame; 
So when darkness descends, in the midst of my friends, 

I indulge in the number game. 

There was a clergyman 
And he had a little gun. 

And his bullets they were made of 
lead, lead, lead; 
He takes a pair of friends. 
To the woods his way he wends. 

And a grand success he had, for so he 
said, said, said. 

Four partridges so fat 
And a feather in his hat 

Were the spoils these hunters brought 
from the fray, fray, fray; 
[ 172 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1896 

And all went well until 

From the butcher came the bill. 

And we learned how much these hunters had to 
pay, pay, pay. 

All this was long ago. 

For they waited, as you know. 

Till the birthday poem had been safely 
read, read, read ; 
For they feared what I might write 
Upon Annivers'ry Night — 

Oh, their bullets they were money and not 
lead, lead, lead. 

Let me give you an example 

How you can a school -room run; 
'T is no other than our Madam 

Teaches how the thing is done. 

"Helen, if again you do it 

You shall have no nice ice cream." 

Up jumps Helen, promptly does it 
With a nonchalance supreme. 

But observe the retribution 

On the deed — which follows fast. 

Hear the Madam's stern announcement, 
"Helen, you shall be helped last." 

Mr. E. Sturgis seems quite dejected and down. 
He feels that no longer he 's needed. 
[ 173 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

For Sam Hinckley's stern words of command and his 
frown 
Quite as much as a Master's are heeded. 

The boys choose some one fit and they put him in 
charge — 

The dormit'ry 's still, there 's no hob ; 
Their system is good with their Prefect at large, 

Poor Balky is out of a job. 

But the mournfulest feature surrounding the whole 

I will leave for you all to guess; 
The thing which strikes down to the roots of the soul 

Is the ''utter loneliness." 

There 's a man named Sidney Breese, 
And won't you tell him, please, 

The number of his street in New York town } 
He really can't recall 
Where he lives at all, at all. 

But thinks perhaps you might ask Jaky Brown. ^' 

For the streets of the great city, 
'Tis the truth, though 'tis a pity. 

Remind him of arithmetic in class ; 
He thinks Jake 's such a terror, 
He can answer without error 

Questions he himself could never, never pass. 

You can't be all over the school-room at once. 
And while a queer noise you 're pursuing, 
[ 174 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1896 

Or showing a point of good use to some dunce. 
You can't tell what the others are doing. 

A Schoolmaster's life every good purpose serves. 

It 's a pleasant life surely too, but a 
Most worrisome one if you 're troubled with nerves ; 

It is true, only ask Mr. Nutter. 

One's nervousness also one cannot conceal, 
It 's in vain you endeavour to mask it. 

But amazing relief teachers instantly feel. 
With their feet in a waste-paper basket. 

When Charlie Lawrance seems to work 

With singular devotion. 
It 's not his Latin nor his French, 

Oh, no, he 's got a notion. 

He 's busy with the last details 

For crossing land and ocean 
On his new patent flying car 

Run by perpetual motion. 



Oh, I might sing of many a thing : 
How Frinky ^^ drove the ball — 

To beat the record, which he claimed 
To where he saw it fall. 

Alas, the boast, the ball was lost. 
But nothing daunted he, 
[ 175 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Kept up his pride till he it spied. 
Two feet behind the tee. 

I 'd sing and coo like little Lou- 
-is White whose honeyed titter 

Restores the temper, though the joke 
On him be ne'er so bitter. 

Of Mr. Abbott's rowing zeal. 
Jack Minturn's unknown age. 

And Rubber^® Derby's new white pumps. 
And Richard's ^^ jealous rage; 

And all because old Santa Claus 

Had treated him so rough. 
Wasn't his stocking hung all right? 

Aren't his feet big enough? 

How Mr. Gushing keeps a shop. 

And how he sells thereat 
All kinds of exercising things. 

Including Anti-fat. 

For since he 's found the skating pond 

Refuses to bear him. 
Although it bears the whole School well. 

He must and shall get slim. 

And now to ourselves we all offer a toast. 
And we pour out a gen'rous libation; 

[ 176 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1896 

For we 've finished our work and we 're leaving our 
post. 
And we 're off for a two weeks' vacation. 

To those who have passed and to those who have 
failed. 
We offer our congratulations. 
Some have headed their Forms and some others have 
failed ; 
In all classes are various stations. 

From our studies and text-books and such things we 
turn 

To a different species of pleasure. 
School is all very well and there 's much that we learn, 

But you can't study on without measure. 

The good cheer of this season as always forbids 

To impose on the fun any strictures; 
But there come to my mind of the homes of the kids 

Many deeply emotional pictures. 

Up at School there *s detention and dark-coloured 
marks. 

And punishment strictly is meted. 
And no one respects a kid's wonderful larks; 

He 's as quite insignificant treated. 

But at home he 's considered at just his true worth. 

He 's a really remarkable child. 
To call him distinguished from time of his birth 

Is only a-drawing it mild. 

[ 177 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Young and old boys alike don't care much to roam, 
They 're glad of vacation, they tell us; 

And they take a bee line just straight for their home. 
And we Schoolmasters are n't a bit jealous. 

We, too, are all off very soon like the rest. 
We live much of our time among others ; 

The School may be pleasant, but of all things the best 
Is home and our fathers and mothers. 



[178] 



NOTES 

^ J. C. Waterbury. 

^ James Lawrence, Jr. 

^ Mr. Pushface Griswold of the Laughing Horse clarinet. 

* E. C. Wilmerding — President of Old Mans Club. 

^ W. W. Hoppin, Jr. 

« E. N. Potter. 

"^ A. L. Devens, Jr. 

^ Mr. James Lawrence. Massachusetts Legislature, 1897. 

^ Part of the Nashua was diverted for the Boston Water 

Supply. Miichuneasiness was caused lest St. Mark's catch 

our river in the Southborough Basin. 
^ See Dickens s Christmas Carol. 

John Henry. 

J. L. and E. Motley 

Hugh Auchincloss. 

D. S. Hawkins — Captain, 1897. 

F. G. Brown — Captain, 1896. 

Walter Camp Ayrault. 

L. Brown. 

F. J. 0. Alsop. 

Roger A. Derby. 
^^ Richard Derby. 



[ 179 ] 



BIRTHDAY 

1897 

YOU see, you 've got the same old bore yet. 
The wordy, windy poet laureate. 
Returned from foreign shores in time 
To perpetrate his annual rhyme. 

His Pegasus he found in Venice 

Had all but changed his name to Dennis, 

For in a gondola, no horse 

Gets proper exercise, of course. 

And poets in the selfsame wise 

Grow stale from lack of exercise. 

No kids he knew of deeds absurd. 

Of freaks and squibs he ne'er had heard. 

No dormitory rows and fights. 
No school-room hob on Prefect nights. 
And when he lay enwrapped in sheets. 
The only dreams he had were skeets. 

Thus he is driven to invent. 
For truth of squibs cares not one cent. 
He 's only sure that if Dave Hawkins 
Declares there 's nothing in the talkin's 

About his doings up in Camp, 
And Motley ^ swears 't was not the damp 
That drove him home when sand gave out. 
And Jimmy Jackson casts a doubt 
[ 181 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Upon the tale he saved a life 

Of one J — perhaps his future wife, — 

You, knowing Jackson, Mouse and Dave, 

Just nod your head with gesture grave. 

And if not quite you trust my verse. 

It 's 'cause the truth 's just ten times worse. 

When I returned from Dago land. 

What do you suppose I found.'' 
Why, Dago Morse,^ none other, of course, 
Had hired some dozens of Dago cousins 

To dig a long hole in the ground. 

Luigi DeKoven was hovering near 

With monk' and banan', and smiled. 
He jabbered Italian till all the battalion 
Pronounced him a bello ragazzo — fine fellow. 
Or beautiful infant child. 

When I returned from Europe's shores. 

Who do you suppose, I pray, 
Had taken charge of my blackboard large. 
Rubbed out my squibs and jabbed my ribs. 

And said he was going to stay? 

My cousin Coolidge,^ it was no less. 

But your Uncle B. said "Fudge." 
He may weep or wepine, he may wage or wesign, 
He may send out the fish or any old dish. 

But he cannot get me to budge. 

[ 182 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1897 

When I returned from foreign lands. 

Who else do you think was here 
To give sweetness and light to our birthday night, 
To fill a warm place in our hearts and add grace 

To our circle for many a year? 

Why, you see Mr. Abbott was sadly in need 

Of advice in the care of the crews ; 
He 'd perfected his fours in the use of the oars. 
In tub and in boat and whatever would float. 

And he thought he would like to row twos. 

We think he needs coaching, however, himself. 

To give him some notion of time. 
For by missing a train, — I confess it with pain, — 
On the very first day, after marriage, they say. 

He abandoned the theme of my rhyme. 

I also found when I reached these shores 

That Sweden had sent a friend,* 
To make the infirm old Faculty squirm. 
And make them jiggle and body wiggle. 

And stoop and contort and bend. 

He 's found that Clifford^ has classic toes; 

That Coster® 's the chest of a guard; 
That Ivy's '^ feet are a kilometer; 
That any one willing should box Mr. Billings, 

" But don't hit the little man hard." 

That Timmy's ^ two legs are n't quite the same. 
But the average girth of his calves 
[ 183 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

If compared with Chitty ® of Brooklyn city 
Exceeds his rating of chest inflating 
By a kilogram cut in halves. 

He finds that Starr ^" is a little too thin ; 

That laughing is good for digestion. 
Hence Wharton's liver, if made to quiver 
By the laughter merry one hears from Gerry/^ 

Would be cured beyond all question. 

He therefore advises jugglers' tricks. 

The Wagdog as model to take. 
And ere going to bed to stand on his head 
And measure the space if his shoes are in place. 

For untidiness keeps him awake. 

There's nothing so bad as clothes half dry, 

So when Biddle ^^ got one pant wet. 
He advised him to throw in the other also. 
For the drying might be uneven, you see. 
And the dear child a cold might get. 

He says that Hemenway must have rolls. 

And always must have them hot; 
The Masters no doubt can do well without; 
Dr. Woods, I am told, prefers them cold — 

At least, that is all he got. 

He said Mr. Griswold is quite fagged out. 
And advises a trip to Klondike. 

[ 184 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1897 

He must get himself quick an Ispravnik 
Tagblatt Russikanisches, which word in Danish is: 
" Spend your sabbat on a bike." 

He finds the table can be supplied 

From the lower half of the School ; 
And he recommends to the use of his friends 
The following diet and begs them to try it. 

Made up by the following rule: 

One pound of Bacon, one pound of Fish 

To be got from the good man Friday. ^^ 
Many pounds of fat Ham^* — while Turkey and Cran- 
Berry sauce Turkey Low ^^ they say will bestow. 
And a Robin ^^ will come in tidy. 

For sausages take the little red dog/' 

The brother is he of the black one. 
To freshen things, pop in a slice of fresh Hoppin/^ 
While golf-balls will do for a fish-ball or two 

If the bill of fare happens to lack one. 

Let the Sargent ^^ keeporderand see that each boarder 

Eats just twice as much as he wishes. 
Miss Mary Ann Haight ^^ on the table can wait. 
And Hinckley ^^ we hope has at last got some soap. 
In which case he can wash up the dishes. 

When I came back from Italy, 
The land of the Roman gods, 

[ 185 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

I found Fuller Potter had gone and got a 
New phraseology for mythology. 
Here are some ends and odds: 

The father and mother of gods and men 

You must not, my brothers, confuse. 
King Jupiter courted fair lo and thwarted 
Queen Juniper you know — she used to be Juno — 

And Venus wears wings on his shoes. 

I found Neddy Krumbhaar had brought a twin. 

To tell you it is my duty; 
That eloquent Squushy^^ became quite gushy — 
He says that he knows no face like Greenough's 

For truly remarkable beauty. 

There entered the school-room one morning quite late 

A youth looking scarcely alive. 
The Master enquired what could have transpired 
To make him so late ; but the youth answered straight, 

"From the Doctor just now I arrive." 

But when questioned why he did n't go to recite. 

It was found by the puzzled inspector 
That young Master Ladd ^^ had merely been bad 
And had j ust been trun out, while the Doctor, no doubt, 
V^as Doctor Peabddy, the Rector. 

When I returned to School once more, 
I knew, for I 'd felt it in dreams, 

[ 186 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1897 

I 'd find Mr. Nutter preparing to utter 
Some tyrant decree in this land of the free. 
And he did — it was daily themes. 

The victims step up with new stories each day. 

My! it must be delightful reading. 
The ears to tickle, and like a nickel 
They drop in the slit, and he reads them — nit. 

And this is the whole proceeding. 

When I returned to this fair land. 

What sound assailed mine ear? 
'T was Charlie Lawrance performing a dance 
On the tuneful cornet in delightful duet. 

Which indeed was enchanting to hear. 

I scarcely need tell — for you all know him well — 

Who was pushing ^* the keys of his flute. 
And if Charlie's music has slightly made you sick. 
Request him to read you his poem — a bijou — 
At verses he 's simply a beaut. 

I heard John Richards described one day 

As naught but an old steam-roller. 
Said he, "Little Little,^^ if you weren't so brittle 
I hereby advise you I 'd macadamize you. 

You poor little thin bean-poler." 

If you 'd been where I was some nights ago 
You 'd have heard the paint-pot splash. 

[ 187 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

For they found Euey Thayer could n't raise any hair 
On his cheeks or his chin, so they painted some in. 
And for once he 'd a lovely mustache. 

Rubber ^^ Derby gets words twisted once in a while. 

And a little bit mixed in the letters. 
And opines that young Farr,^' though no doubt he 's a 

star. 
Would be nicer if he would endeavour to be 

More respectable towards his betters. 

An Anglomaniac in his view 

(It shows a compassionate feeling) 
Is a much nicer word — at least so he has heard — 
To use of a thief who 's at last come to grief 

For common or garden stealing. 

Afflicted with spavin, for succour he begged. 

And said in his leg he 'd a spasm. 
But Mr. Cigar Stump * answered, "Ha! ha! 
Be sure it 's not that; it 's a layer of fat — 

These troubles ; there 's others that has 'em. 

A new style of learning 's appeared at the School, 
" J-u-j must spell judge," says Earned. ^^ 

J-a-w-j spells George, I say. 

One forty six oughts in one answer he sports. 
And then in despair says, ^^Darn it." 

Mr. Billings announces that he is a wiz. 
But his meaning precise we lack. 

[ 188 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1897 

Mr. Ayrault explains that all of the pains 
He suffered to-day in refusing to play 
Are n't as bad as one twinge in his back. 

There 's Harry John Mifflin who says he must have 

Some tribute in words polite. 
But I 'd less than a jiffy to write about Miffy, 
So he mustn't be lonely, he isn't the only 

Golf-ball on the tee to-night. 

When I returned from lands afar. 
And many things seemed strange, 

I tell you it was pretty nice 

To find some things don't change. 

To find the skin on Shruby's ^^ nose 
Had been rubbed off once more. 

To see old Dave ^^ go round the end. 
And just pile up the score. 

To see Jo-ar^^ look wise and grave 

When he is n't so a bit. 
But meditates another try 
"^ At forty-six to nit. 

It 's good to see the double pass 

Performed by Motley twins. 
While Waterbury yanks the ball. 

And Hoya ^^ guards his shins. 

To see the ancient graduates 
Perform the shoe-string trick. 
[ 189 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

While Patten darts down half the field 
Backed up by Paddlequick.^^ 

They tell me that to-morrow, though, 
We 're going to find it torrid 

When we buck up 'gainst Hoppy's men, 
So just let 's lick them horrid. 

It 's good to see our Catcher Bold ^* 

Is with us once again, 
For when the swallows sing next May 

He '11 cause St. Mark's much pain. 

And I can tell you it is good 

When any dear old grad 
Comes up to grace our birthday feast, 

For we have missed them bad. 

Yes, years may come and years may go. 

One finds the same old fire 
Burning as brightly as of old. 

Or warmer still, and higher. 

We 're thirteen years of age to-night. 
Older than some new-comers; 

We 've got to set a lively pace. 

For those old grads were hummers. 

God grant that you be worthy of 
Our black and red and white. 

And may you live to celebrate 
Many a birthday night. 
[ 190 ] 



NOTES 



1 E. Motley. 

^ A. H. Morse. Foundations of School House begun. 

^ Mr. J. L. Coolidge. 

* Mr. Skar Strom or Cigar Stump. Inventor of Addy humps. 

5 /. H. Clifford. 

® E. C. Wilmerding. 

^ R. H. I. Goddard. 

8 L. E. Mahan. 

» S. B. Chittenden. 

^^ Louis Starr, Jr. 

^^ E. G. Chadwick. 

^2 Moncure Biddle. 

1^ Stuyvesant Fish, Jr. 

^* Gorham Brooks. 

15 G. C. W. Low. 

16 W. D. Bobbins. 

1"^ Wendell P. Blagden. 
1^ Bayard C. Hoppin. 

19 F. W. Sargent, Jr. 

20 /. McV. Haight. 

21 J. Hinckley. 

22 E. B. Krumbhaar — said to resemble Carroll Greenough. 

23 C. Ladd. 

2* Mr. Griswold. 

25 P. Little, Jr. 

26 R. A. Derby. 

27 T. H. P. Farr. 

2^ A. C. Lamed — poet. 

29 A. L. Devens, Jr. 

30 D. S. Hawkins. Seventeen to two. 

31 /. R. Swan. 

[ 191 ] 



NOTES 

32 H. S. Hooker. 

33 R. Wheatland. The shoe-string trick produced the only 
score for the Alumni team. 

3* Mr. S, W, Sturgis—"The Bold." 



[ 192 ] 



CHRISTMAS 

1897 
[Fragment] 

When the days grow dark and shorten. 

And there's chicken-pox at Groton; 

When the football team 's disbanded. 

And the game is safely landed; 

When the athletes have no job. 

And the kids raise merry hob; 

And the Come Each Evening Club 

Has exhausted all my grub; 

When the hard- worked phonograph 

Hardly serves to raise a laugh, — 

Some of us — it may seem strange — 

Think we 'd rather like a change ; 

And with curious aberration 

Feel we 'd quite enjoy vacation. 

Thus it is that yew and holly 

Seem particularly jolly. 

And the Homestead Hall to-day 

Looks unusually gay ; 

And the music sounds so sweet. 

And it 's .simply bliss to eat. 

And our Christmas seems each year 

Doubly merry, doubly dear. 

For this annual occasion 

As a send-off to vacation. 

And a proof how strong the tie, 

Stronger still as years go by, 

[ 193 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

That unites the Homestead's Yule 
With the hearts of Groton School. 



'T was on a winter's evening I was pondering what to 
say. 

When hopping o'er my window-sill appeared in plu- 
mage gay 

A Bird,^ a Swan, a Crow it was, a Dodo or a Duck, 

It might have been a goose, perhaps, we '11 call him so 
for luck. 

Said I, "Here is some seed for you, come try it. Birdie 

deary." 
Said he, "You give me such a pain, in fact you make 

me weary." 
He said he 'd come from Utica and flown on angel's 

wing,— 
A lark more likely or a turtledove or some such thing. 

He chirped and said, ^'^ Just call me any name you like 

on earth. 
To make the brethren laugh and to contribute to the 

mirth. 
Call me a wren, a buzzard or an odd ornithorhyncus. 
We birds don't really care so much what other people 

think us, 
Call me a pelican, an owl or non extinctus aar, 
Call me a jay if you insist, but don't call me J. R." 

Rub-a-dub Blubber ^ 's a nobleman. 
Tell you his pedigree? Yes, sir, he can. 

[ 194 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1897 

He knows every word from the earliest hour 
When his ancestors sailed on the good ship Wall 
Flower. 

The first Rubber Blubber was lower-deck scrubber. 
The others were seasick like any landlubber. 
And if you have gazed at the passenger list, 
And find that the name from its pages is missed. 
With countenance beaming your doubts he will veto — 
Why, all the nobility came incognito. 

There once was a youth who would fain beseech. 

Even as you and I. 
So he Pushed through the crowd and he made his 
speech. 

But could n't obtain reply. 

The Master was busy, he could n't attend 

To a thousand things at once'; 
So a bystander whispered, "Sam,^ my friend. 

Take my advice, don't be a dunce. 

"If you wish to the favour of men to climb 
O'er the heads of the noisy and lesser. 

Don't wait for the order of '^One at a time,' 
But sweetly say, '^May I, Professor.'*'" 

Sam catches the point and he takes the advice 

And alters his form of address ; 
"Professor," says he, and there comes in a trice 

From the midst of the crowd a "Yes." 
[ 195 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

The weather 's getting chilly as the winter time ad- 
vancesj 
It 's hard to keep a class-room very warm, 
And suffering and shivering 'mid Masters' songs and 
dances. 
Distract the close attention of a Form. 

But pity the poor sinners who are blowzy with their 
dinners, 
Poor, gaunt and fragile creatures that they are. 
The two who cried, '^'^We 're freezing, we are wheez- 
ing, we are sneezing," 
Were thin Richards * and emaciated Starr.^ 

— No7v let 's look at Dupont. — 

Archie Brown has got an uncle 

Who admires Archie much; 
He confided to your poet 

Archie 's golf just beat the Dutch. 

He may look a tender stripling. 

But his uncle merely begs 
You 'd observe below his middle 

He has got stupendous legs. 

Last summer when Burnham was crossing 

The wild and restless sea. 
The soft-shell crabs and the tossing 

With his happiness did n't agree. 

[ 196] 



CHRISTMAS 1897 

But to brighten his restless pillow, 

Beside him sat Markoe^ 
And life on the ocean billow 

In every detail he knew. 

Poor Burnham grew fainter and paler, 
Markoe never got out of breath. 

And Burnham may be a good sailor. 
But he nearly was talked to death. 

Meantime on the Bay of Murray 

A rubicund epicure ^ 
Declared that a hog in a hurry 

Was one thing he could n't endure. 

And our courtly society Gerry, 
After whirling a maid in a waltz. 

Abandoned the company merry 

(He swears that this legend is false). 

But as I have heard the story. 

When once he his arm had placed. 

He forgot in the midst of his glory 
To remove it at all from her waist. 

They 've been building in the Gym of late a sort of 

prison grill,"^ 
With benches for the inmates whose behaviour has 

been ill. 
At least I 'd so supposed at first, but had to stir my 

stumps, 

[ 197 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

When I found myself involved in the mad rush of 
addyhumps 

However, I have learned at last it 's neither this nor 

that. 
But intended as a cage to keep our Happy Fam'ly 

at. 
There are first, the jolly giants, Major Biggs® and 

Gen'ral Cush, 
And Astral Swann ^ projected and the Infant with the 

Moosh. 

I refer, of course, to Colly,^^ who don't care a single 

button 
For anything but horses and for ladies and for 

mutton. 
There 's a great Brute of a Black Dog ^^ and two 

little red dogs sweet. 
And next year there'll be a White Dog^^ and our 

colours are complete. 

And a little Brute 's included, not a dog, but just a 

Mouse,^^ 
And when the dogs and mice do scrap there 's music 

in the house. 
To add to the Museum there is Smokes's ^* long-lost 

smile ; 
Speak the magic word and watch his collar swelling 

out the while. 

And just to add perfection to this perfectest of shows, 
Joe Grew exhibits daily his elastic skin and nose. 

[ 198 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1897 

And Hugh Minturn shows his samples of a full line of 

cosmetics, 
Four little tubes of various kinds and lectures on 

aesthetics. 

And the Showman, ah, the Showman of this Happy 

Familee, 
Is Frank Alsop, who, they tell us, is a sight worth 

while to see. 
He's a human sheep, they tell us, and he bleats 

'^Just luke at that," 
As he points out the exhibits and he passes round 

the hat. 

— Look at our Jim. — 



Hey diddle diddle. 

Pray, where is Biddle?^^ 
I 've sought till I 'm out of breath. 

Is it possible he finds his food disagree, 
Or only a case of Black Death? ^^ 

Old Rip Van Winkle, 

We 're onto your wrinkle; 
It increases the winter's quickness 

If you sleep night and day ; 

The time passes away, — 
This accounts for your curious sickness. 

A sound of war is heard afar, 
A fight 'twixt Drexel Paul, 
[ 199 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Competing for young Grade's ^^ smiles 
With his deadly rival Rawle.^^ 

While Banty Emmons ^^ holds the sponge. 

And cries, "Dawawn't lick me," 
When young McCormick ^^ makes attack 

Upon his dignity. 

Sidney Breese is always famous for adherence to the 

truth. 
And he does n 't mind conversing on the subject of his 

tooth ; 
He takes it out quite cheerfully and shows it to his 

friends, 
And keeps it on his bureau among other odds and 

ends. 

But the other day he lost it, and his worriment, I 'm 
told. 

As he sought 'neath bed and bath-tub, was most pain- 
ful to behold; 

He 'd cherished it like Minturn's watch or like some 
keepsake locket. 

But just as he had given up, he found it in his pocket. 

Addie Humps! Addie Humps! a continual shriek, 
These days at the School we must mention. 

It is n't Choctaw and I know it 's not Greek, 
Mr. Skarstrom's new call to attention. 

You should see his gymnasium classes some day 

When there 's kicking and jumping Buck., 

[ 200 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1897 

Not a bit of allowance is made for your age, 
But you somehow get through with good luck. 

In that floor-stretching motion poor Richards gets cast. 
And has got to be helped to his feet, and a riddle 

It is as to what that strange boy has done last. 
The loose-jointed and absent-of-mind Rip Van 
Biddle. 

We 're very much straighter at last than we were. 
And for that we 're in debt to our Swedish Instructor; 
On the road to sound health and strength physical, 

sir. 
You have been a most helpful and pleasant conductor. 

There is a handsome stripling and the glory of his 

Form, 
And at managing the sliding-seat I tell you he is 

warm; 
He may not make the Varsity at college, he admits. 
But then he knows of other boats wherein the athlete 

sits. 

'^Can it be possible," says Jack, "you 've never heard 

them tell 
There are such things as Freshman boats that often 

do quite well.^ " 
"The Varsity," says Minturn, " may not know where 

it is at. 
But there is left the Freshman boat — I '11 row four 

years in that." 

[ 201 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

I 've oft heard visitors exclaim 

Upon the beauty rare 
Of Groton landscape and the Joy 

Of breathing Groton air. 

But in our Upper Sixth you 've found 

A truly lovely picture. 
That is, unless the owner 's run 

Amuck and nearly licked yer. 

Notice the atmosphere of Joy, 

Observe the Ivy ^^ twining. 
Just what the work of art depicts 

Is wholly past divining. 

Shrube Devens is held quite a musical shark. 

We 've all of us heard him warble ; 
He knows Wagner and Schubert apart in the dark, 

And if they the truth don't garble. 

They say his excitement this evening was great 
As he took in with rapture each tune; 

But he fervently begged that his neighbour would 
state 
Who was it who played the cocoon. 



[ 202 ] 



NOTES 

^ J. R. Srvari. 

2 Roger A. Derby. 

3 S. N. Hinckley. 
^ John Richards. 
5 L. Starr, Jr. 

« E. G. Chadwick. 

^ Mr. Skarstrom's Stall bars. 

8 F. B. Riggs. 

^ A. Swann. 

10 H. L. Whitridge. 

11 Craivford and Wendell Blagden and W. Grosvenor. 

12 F. Meredith Blagden. 

13 E. Motley. 

14 J. H. Smith. 

1^ Moncure Biddle. 

16 Compulsory retirement to bed in Infirmary. 

1"^ A. Grade King. 

18 H. Rawle. 

19 N.Emmons — the Bantam Chi-icken. 

20 C. B. McCormick. 

21 R. H. I. Goddard — attentive to a fair neighbour. 



[ 203 ] 



BIRTHDAY 
1898 

WHEN the bloom is on the apple. 
And the field beside the chapel 
Once more echoes with enthusiastic cheers, 
I *m reminded of my duty 
To compose a rhyme of beauty 

As I 've done so many times these fourteen years. 

When the oyster feast is ended^ 
And each belt a bit distended. 

And the leafy crowns are hanging somewhat lax, 
When you 're satisfied with stuffin'. 
And you 've put more than enough in. 

You 're invited to consider certain facts. 

There 's an awful lot to talk about, 
I only have to walk about 

Collecting the material for my mince; 
But I find the whole collection 
Turns out after close inspection 

To be little else than one vast squib on Prince.^ 

The new kids are a legion. 
And they permeate the region. 

And no doubt they 're very laughable each one ; 
But whene'er I ask a question, 
I receive the same suggestion, 

Freddie Prince, oh, have you heard what he has 
done ? 

[ 205 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

This extraordinary being 

Goes to sleep when you 're not seeing — 

The Rector hurls a book which gives some pain ; 
But the very moment after^ 
In the midst of all the laughter, 

He sweetly smiles and just drops off again. 

Though upside down they stand him, 
And a seat uneasy hand him. 

In spite of warning kick or timely cough; 
Though they treat him as a loafer. 
Though they prop him on a sofa. 

It's no use, he is always dropping off. 

On one foot he wears a slipper, 
Arctic on the other flipper, 

I pitied him and asked the cause what was it? 
"Two pairs nabbed by the old feller 
What keeps order in the cellar. 

And the rest were in the consecration closet." 

"The man what runs the music 

Says his singing would make you sick. 

He isn't any use, his name is Mud;" 
So his sojourn in the Choir 
Was, he feared, a failure dire. 

And he dropped it with a fairly hasty thud. 

"The Revenue what preaches," 
And the other man what teaches. 

Made him look and find the value of twice zero. 

[ 206 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1898 

He thinks the name you spell 
Double E-y-r-a-1, 

But he 's certain that you must projiounce it hero. 

I wondered as I glanced along the list 
Of names I had selected for my verse, 

If some one even quainter could exist, 
I found I simply went from bad to worse. 

A youth I saw of open mien and frank. 

Expansive, beaming, protoplasmic Heaton''^; 

And in his hand he held an order-blank, 
A blank indeed, for not a word was writ on. 

This youth, it seems, was trying to procure 
From Mr. Gushing' s shop a large inflator 

With which to blow himself up, for the poor 
Young thing was thinner than a peeled potater. 

While sauntering the other day 

Through quiet study hall, 
I noticed that the Sixth Form talk 

Ran wholly upon ball. 

"Ah, now," said I, "I '11 get some points 
Concerning pigskin hunting. 

Concerning Brown's or Minturn's runs, 
Or Tiny Biggs' s^ punting." 

But no, I found to my dismay 
It was n't that at all. 
[ 207 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

The Sixth Form's minds were running on 
Another kind of ball, — 

A ball where maidens fair are found, 
The pastimes of last summer. 

Upon which ball field I am told 
Dick Derby wooed a hummer. 

She thought he was a Freshman grand — 

At least, so some one said; 
But when she found where she was at. 

This lady cut him dead. 

They told how Philip Wharton said 

He could n't go to sail; 
It was n't that he was n't big. 

Nor dared not face the gale; 

That future Groton youth is brave. 
He steers and reefs and furls. 

But there 's no room for such as he — 
"Willie takes out the girls." 

They told of Minturn, how he took 

Two hours to two miles. 
That secret long casino path 

With frequent waits 'tween whiles. 

They told me how his cousin Hugh 

Counts his affairs by dozens; 
How all the girls in Murray Bay 

He claims are just his cousins. 
[ 208 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1898 

How Waterbury would n't go. 

With Mr. B. as witness, 
To help him tie the nuptial knot, 

In spite of his marked fitness. 

'T was not worth while unless he could 

The blushing bride salute. 
But Whitridge stepped up like a man — 

Yes, Collie is a beaut. 

He wanted to inspect "the Road,"* 

And that was why he went. 
Craighead inspects the selfsame road 

On engineering bent. 

They told how Jackson gave away 

School ribbons to a dame 
Of certain age who rescued him 

When he in peril came. 

How Lord ^ can't bear to talk to girls, 
"He gets so darned familiar." 

And Morin Hare his lady fair 
Describes in terms to kill yer. 

She has an Irish upper lip, 

A graceful Jewish nose. 
And likewise upon either cheek 

A dainty whisker grows. 

That Loving-kindness Turkey Low^ 
Adores a fair soprano. 
[ 209 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And, oh, Markoe can ne'er forget 
His own dark maid of Arno. 

She sought him over Alpine snow. 

This Signorina haughty. 
Barefoot she went to meet her beau, 

The Princess PilHcotti. 

Oh, sing to me heigh diddle Biddle, 

And sing how he drops on the ball, 
And sing how he smote Brittle Little,"^ 

Who stood on his head in the hall. 

By the overturned foeman he lingers. 
And whispered, "Oh, can he be dead?" 

He placed on the corpse his two jfingers, 
And ^^down" was the word that he said. 

"Down, down, down, down," cries Biddle, 
"That makes four downs, 'tis known: 

To enlarge my chest when I take the strength test 
I indulge in massage with cologne." 

The curly-haired black Leetle Beetle ^ 

Inherits this fierceness of race ; 
He came near being hanged for the murder 

Of a coachman who worked on the place. 

He held up a dagger beneath him — 

"Sit, Charles, sit," cried this juvenile thug. 

Charles sat — to the rapture unfeigned 
Of tiny black Beetle, the Bug. 
[ 210 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1898 

Little Bayard Sturgis, 
Sitting 'neath the pump, 
^ Scorning it, defying it, 

Calling you a chump. 

Heed the fate of Thorndike, 

Pumped by Mr. Nutter, 
Or the lot in store for you 

I refrain to utter. 

Mr. Woods has asked him — 

Just to write him out 
Six or seven hundred stars 

At a single bout. 

Up and at him, Sturgis — 
Smite him, that's the stuff; 

If you punch him in the head 
He '11 see stars enough. 

'Twas once a privilege to dwell — how foolish — 
In swell apartments in the Country Club.^ 

The discipline was — well was rather Coolidge, 
And there was lots of chance for secret grub. 

In days gone by 't was thought the house was haunted. 
Some rat or cat upstairs, some pig below. 

'T was never seen, we only took for granted. 
It was a ghost, and so thought Bigelow.^^ 

But, oh, the terror when the phantom seized him 
With iron fist, and large and larger grew; 
[ 211 1 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

He leaped from bed and 'mid the awe that freezed 
him 
Beheld the fearsome features of Markoe. 

Since then, he sleeps not, smiles not, laughs not, eats 
not. 

An indigestion is his one excuse ; 
Such risks he thinks a kind that one repeats not; 

For Country Clubs he has no further use. 

Chickadee, dee, dee. 

Up in a twee. 
My wipsome, wopsome, willy willy woan. 

My twinxome, twanxome thwush. 

My diminutive end wush. 
My woUicking and weesome twee Toad Sloane.^^ 

When Charlie Brown, big Charles I mean. 
Was staying down at Quogue, 

It chanced one eve an ancient dame 
Fell headlong in a bog. 

Gordon and Charlie heard her shrieks. 

Ran at her wild alarms; 
They gave a yank, the dame came out. 

And swooned in Charlie's arras. 

Then Charlie turned from Brown to red. 

But, ah, this damsel ripe 
Found it too dark to see his face. 

So Gordon ^^ got the pipe. 
[ 212 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1898 

Old man Scrooge/^ 
He deals in Rouge 

And rich tonsorial cream. 
And Sidney Breese his treatment took — 

It acted like a dream. 

Screw Cryder scarce a drop had poured, 
Made Breese his head in vain bow. 

When with a leap his hair did sprout. 
All colours of the rainbow. 

He seized on Friday's Psyche ^* knot. 

One which none dares insult. 
He said 'twas bear's grease of the best; 

But look at the result. 

There are two strange Whitneys lately come, 

A thin one and a fat.^^ 
The fat one finds our football slow 

And rather dull at that. 

Accordingly he does n't feel 

He 's called upon to cheer. 
But let him heed, thin Whitney 's found 

A place for him next year. 

For in the building going up 

Are sundry horrid spaces. 
Which Whitney (thin) thinks just the thing 

For similar disgraces. 

[ 213 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

He 's sure these holes are nothing else 

Than boot-boxes enormous. 
Enough for fat men who won't cheer 

Even when Second Formers. 

When Blubber ^^ visited the coast 
They thought that he was Spanish; 

Well, his complexion, I admit. 
Is rather black-and-tannish. 

He felt his little brother's ^"^ pulse. 

And with a face appalled. 
Said, "You are ill and your complaint 

Is diagnosis called." 

They sailed away for Labrador, 

Then Lloyd began to quake ; 
He seemed to find much interest 

In gazing at the wake. 

"Alas," said he, "I feel so faint. 
My cheeks have lost their roses. 

Say, brother, do you really think 
That this is diagnosis?" 

Speaking of strength tests, have you heard 
Frank Sargent's eager question. 

When Mr. Richards bade him heed 
His very kind suggestion? 

^'When at the lifting test be sure 
You 're careful not to haul 

[ 214 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1898 

So hard that you are hoisted off 
The ground both feet and all." 

Said Sargent, '^Is it really true 
That sometimes men can be 

So very, very strong as that — 
Might it occur to me?" 

I fain would indulge in a lengthier rhyme. 
But to do so I fear would consume too much time. 
To tell of the nicknames your wisdom bestows 
On new boys, and old boys, as every one knows; 

The good ones and poor ones to carefully winnow, 
To decide whether little Fish should be called Min- 
now, 
Or just be called Saturday or Psycholetta, 
Or whether just Fisholene might not be better? 

And perhaps a good name 

For young Breeselet the small 

Would be just The Zephyr, 
Or even The Squall. 

To choose for young Pierrepont ^^ some nickname like 

Subs. 
Lloyd Derby would fain be diminutive Blubs. 
Should the new Ladd from Texas be simply named 

Laddie ? 
And should the young golfer Charles Brown be called 

Caddie? 

[ 215 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Would Button Head Billy ^^ be happy as Buttons ? 
And would Mr. Abbott be glad to be Muttons? 
I 'd tell of McCormick ^^ so startlingly plain 
That the sight of his face once arrested a train. 

I 'd sing of young Higginson's ^^ necktie display. 
How he never puts on more than two in one day; 
How Swan went to sleep just when School had begun, 
And did n't appear till a month was nigh run. 

Of the strange little demon beneath the School stair 
Who published the banns 'twixt the innocent pair: 
Thomaso Henricus Powerius Farr, 
And Gracie/2 and lots upon lots about Starr. 

Of Hinckley the younger who sat on a cheese. 

So strong that it held him with infinite ease. 

How Hadden's^^ bust nose really caused him some 
pain. 

And how Hammy^* drinks only the wettest cham- 
pagne. 

How Thorndike 's too light for to play on the first, 
How Weaky got strong till his shirt collar burst. 
I 'd describe Mr. Jefferson's India bowls 
Made in England — but well, I will spare these poor 
souls. 

And just a farewell for the present I '11 say. 
And wish many happy returns of the day. 

[ 216 ] 



NOTES 

^ F. H. Prince, Jr. 

2 Perry Heaton. 

3 F. B. Riggs. 

* Leading north from G. S. 

5 /. C. Lord. 

^ G. C. W. Low — brought up at home on loving-kindness. 

■^ P. Little. 

8 G. Biddle. 

^ Upper apartments in Brooks House. 

1^ Cleveland Bigelow. 

11 M. D. Sloane. 

12 Tobacco pipe sent in gratitude to F. G. and C. T. 
Brown. 

1^ Ogden Cryder. 

1* Stuyvesant Fish, Jr. — Friday-Fish, or Psyche. 

15 George and James S. Whitney. 

1^ Roger A. Derby. 

1"^ J. Lloyd Derby. 

18 S. L. Pierrepont. 

1^ W. Grosvenor. 

2^ Chauncey B. McCormick. 

21 /. /. Higginson. 

22 A. G. King. 

23 W. A. Hadden. 
2* G. Brooks. 



[ 217 ] 



CHRISTMAS 
1898 

The papers that we read are full of talk about expan- 
sion. 

But for a marvellous example contemplate this man- 
sion. 

It does n't seem to terrify the hostess in the least. 

Whether the School has fifty boys to celebrate the 
feast. 

Or nearly thrice that number; be it hundreds, be it 

ones. 
It only is a question of some more ice cream and buns. 
The School is growing older and the School is growing 

bigger. 
Our little Dan is 'most a man, our chirpy Sixth Form 

nigger.^ 

And Riggs, though once diminutive, or so his nurse 

declares. 
When standing in the cellar finds his head some flights 

upstairs ; 
And even you, O brother bard, are certainly not 

smaller. 
And with a wig to make me big, I also should be 

taller. 

But time may go and we may grow, it makes no sort 

of trouble. 
The Homestead's smile is twice as wide, its welcome, 

too, is double. 

[ 219 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

The Christmas log burns brighter yet, the greens look 

even greener. 
The hostess even charminger than we before have 

seen her. 
And though our hearts will not forget the merry 

times of old. 
We write the record of to-night in extra brilliant 

gold. 

Well, Oracle, here at the Homestead again 
We stand in these halls where we sung 

Our questions and answers so long ago when 
You and I and the others were young. 

And now we will sing some new squibs for the 
boys. 
We 're glad they continue to ask. 
And we '11 add what we can at this time to their 

joys; 

It 's a part of our regular task. 

This annual concert 's the fun of the year 

For all of us now at the School. 
And some graduates, too, it is not very queer 

To turn up here make it a rule. 

I remember a Yale man a few years ago — 
I 've forgotten just now who it was — 

Appeared without warning, so much indeed so 
I asked him to tell me the cause. 

[ 220 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1898 

He answered he knew he had come a long way. 
And that while he was fond of the place. 

That was n't the motive that brought him, to say 
That it was so he had n't the face. 

At New Haven he 'd hurried to do everything. 

And then he had got out his bag, 
And come to entreat Mrs. Lawrence to sing 

That glorious Tennessee Flag. 

Here 's a question to answer, my erudite sage. 

The matter has bothered me much; 
But I 'm always quite sure that a man of your age 

Understands every mystery such. 

Tell me why is it true that American Schools 
Are so different — their purpose and aim 

Are similar quite — and so, too, are their rules. 
And the eye mark they take is the same. 

For example, Southborough 's not like us up here 
(There 's a school in that township, you know); 

Their idea of sport and their standard is queer. 
I don't mean at all that it 's slow. 

They discountenance football, for instance, while we 
All prefer it — but argument's futile; 

Little science in games such as that can they see. 
And matches they call very brutal. 

They have no objection in gen'ral to sport. 
But they don't care for this sport at all. 
[ 221 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Apparently golf and such things are their forte^ 
And they show quite a knack at baseball. 

Now such things as those seem to us very tame — 
Rather slow; their attractions are few; 

But we ' ve always been fond of our great autumn game — 
Why doesn't St. Mark's love it too.'*^ 

Ah, but boys must be able in case of defeat 

On the spot to recall to their mind 
Some games in past seasons that they themselves beat. 

So as hope for the future to find. 

And St. Mark's you and I even see — it is sad — 
Haven't any such hope — do not laugh. 

They only have won in the past — it 's too bad — 
Out of twelve matches, two and a half. 

This autumn if Aleck ^ had only been slow. 
And Jack * had n't kicked quite so straight. 

They say that to win they 'd have had a fair show; 
But, however, it now is too late. 

We thought through the fall of our invalid team 

As it got invalider each day. 
And we feared it had not in reserve enough steam ' 

For one half very fiercely to play. 

But November the second they came on the field. 
And forgot all their pains and their aches; 

At the referee's whistle their sweaters they peeled. 
And their injuries seemed to be fakes. 

[ 222 ] . 



CHRISTMAS 1898 

For Jack had no throbbing pain up in his head, 

Harry's ^ hip was in need of no aid. 
And as for that harnessed-up shoulder of Ned® — 

Do you remember the tackle he made? 

No boy in the game was much hurt, and we had 

No need to call in the reserves. 
At times during play, though, they felt pretty bad, 

And Charlie Brown shattered his nerves. 

The result at the end was eleven to six; 

We suppose that it might have been more; 
But crippled so much we were in a bad fix. 

And we 're satisfied quite with the score. 

We 're sorry, dear Jack, that you now have got through ; 

We should like to keep such fellows nigh; 
May success in life's greater things still go with you 

And your team — so we wish you good-bye. 

Now we 're looking for wonders from Captain Eugene.^ 

He '11 win if he can, and he ought. 
He has veterans tried and new candidates keen, 

And he 's certain of Gro ton's support. 

But speaking of captains and giving them praise, 
We must see that we do not encroach 

On the merit that in many indirect ways 
Belongs to the hard-working coach. 

A coach rarely 's specially strong in physique. 
But his business he never will shirk ; 

[ 223 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

He performs conscientiously, even though weak. 
All his burdensome ^ hack-aching work. 

Yale College — and now quite in earnest I am — 
May have Walter, her greatest Eli, 

And Harvard in confidence cling to her Cam,^ 
If Groton may keep her own Guy. 

Oh, what will Arthur Swann do 
Through all the long vacation.'* 

Will skating on a pond do 
For Christmas recreation .f* 

Or will he do as others do 

And swoop upon New York, 
And how the little brothers do 

With sisters will he talk.^* 

Or will he go to Washington 
And see that town's delights.'' 

The famous library that 's there 
And all the famous sights? 

Oh, yes, he '11 take the whole thing in, 

A dollar you can bet. 
Especially the parties where 

They dance the mignonette. 

And Congress's great library, 

A building truly national, 
'T will be a pious sight to see. 

It is so congregational. 

[ 224 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1898 

Blubber Dubber ^^ 's going to sea, 
Silver buckles on his knee; 
Admiral, at least, he '11 be. 
Pretty Blubber Dubber. 

In the distant Philippines, 
He '11 command our new marines ; 
Breaking hearts of Malay queens. 
Pretty Blubber Dubber. 

What's he going to do it for? 
Is n't he well off ashore. 
Selling stocks or grinding law. 
Like a born landlubber.? 

Is n't it enough to reach 
Not the ocean, but the beach. 
As a pebble or a peach. 
Pretty Blubber Dubber.'* 

No, you see that mathematics. 
Conic sections and quadratics. 
Throw him into such ecstatics. 
Pretty Blubber Dubber, 

That he wants to serve the nation. 
Showing problem or equation. 
As applied to navigation. 
Pretty Blubber Dubber. 

He would fain among the Fijis 
Pepper forts and manage sieges, 
[ 225 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Scrubbing decks with bloody squeegees, 
Scrub her. Blubber, scrub her! 

Like his grandsire, who he swore 
Lived on man meat at Samoa, 
Blubber, too, would like some more, 
Pretty Blubber Dubber. 

Tell me, Oracle, what are these noises we hear 
Everywhere in the houses these days? 

They sound very weird and capricious and queer. 
Is the School getting into bad ways ? 

Down the library wing in the big house by day. 

And in the old building at night. 
You hear "thoo tha thay, thoo tha thay, thoo tha 
thay" — 

Are there people that do it for spite? 

Why, if a Schoolmaster a heavy voice owns, — 

For control is a question of voice, — 
He sees that an order pronounced in deep tones 

Does n't leave to a boy any choice. 

So the Masters at Groton are learning to sjng. 
And the sounds that they make are quite queer; 

But their voices are getting a musical ring 
That is really a pleasure to hear. 

There 's a danger that black marks tho', we are afraid. 
If applied in a sugary tone, 
[ 226 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1898 

Will be very much less of a punishment made. 
And to mischief the boys will be prone. 

A boy probably now will excite a big row 

And possibly try to show cheek; 
And purposely get misdemeanour marks now 

That a honey-voiced Master may speak. 

By the way, now we 're speaking about a good voice. 

It is k propos just at this place — 
If a man were informed he 'd be given his choice 

Should he choose a good tenor or bass? 

Lydig Hoyt, he can tell you — 't is said he confessed 

As he looked our society o'er. 
Though himself fond of bass, that a tenor was best. 

You attract all the ladies far more. 

Shivering Ben Moseley, 

Shaking on the stoop 
Of the cold gymnasium. 

Catching grippe or croup. 

Wherefore does he cower so? 

What can ail the lad? 
Walking apparatus so 

Very lightly clad. 

Ben was doing exercise 

Of the Swedish nation. 
Knickybocks got whisked away 

Into confiscation. 

[ 227 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Mr. Skarstrom then departs. 

Takes the train for Boston; 
Therefore, Ben appears in clothes 

Somewhat Hghtly tossed on. 

Poor Harry Markoe was feeling blue; 

What ailed the luckless feller? 
I 've heard it said as he tossed in bed. 

He raved about Isa . 

You visited him, the rumour runs, 
As he lay in the quarters cheerful 

They call the Infirmary — popular spot — 
Did you find his condition fearful? 

I took his hand and felt his pulse, 
"Poor boy, what symptoms ail yer?" 

"'Tis nothing," he moaned, "I 'm afflicted with 
A plain case of heart failure." 

I wish to make a catalogue 

Of Varsity affairs — 
A list of all the graduates. 

The captains and the players. 

'T would be a very lengthy list 

To get in all the heroes — 
The deeds they've done, the races won. 

The seventeens to zeros.^^ 

Now whom do you advise me to 
Consult on these details? 
[ 228 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1898 

Who is the great authority. 
Whose memory never fails? 

Ask fiery Jack, young Higginson, 

The fighter and authority. 
This athlete crank can rattle off 

In order of seniority. 

Extending back full fifteen years, 

'Mid thunders of applause. 
The glorious roll with date and times 

And all the glorious scores. 

Have you any idea why the head of the School 
Refuses to wear riding gaiters these days.^* 

I know in the saddle 't was always his rule 

To wear them — then where did he get his new ways? 

I *ve noticed the same thing exactly as you. 

And I think that I know the entire reason why — 

A stranger appeared on the grounds just a few 
Days ago, and since then of that dress he's been shy. 

The stranger he looked at the Head Master grim. 
And examined his gaiters with care. "If I can 

I must speak to the janitor of the School Gym," 
So he said — "Ah, it 's likely that you are the man." 

When Gaspar Bacon goes to bed 
And idle dreams do fill his head. 
The foolish little goosey, 
[ 229 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Do you suppose he 's feeling lonely. 
Or is it heavy breathing only 

That makes him murmur "Lucy"? 

Oh, no, 't is no surprising fact 

If you could see how some folks act. 

Throughout the livelong day. 
Charles Appleton and Auchincloss 
And Browny, you 'd not be at loss 

At aught that he may say. 

If A 12 loves D and tells to B 

The state of C's aiFections, 
No wonder B should mention names 

In slumber's recollections. 

'T is but a sum in algebra 

That 's running in their head ; 

These love-sick swains their alphabet 
Repeat each night in bed. 

And each in turn one photograph 
Beneath his pillow places; 

They pass it round and dream of it — 
I wonder whose the face is.'' 

Oh, have you heard the style of thing 
That wily Woolsey wears.'' ^^ 

How his binomial biceps are 
Encased from winter airs ? 

[ 230 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1898 

I know that Linzee Woolsey is 

A kind of fuzzy stuff. 
But for the cruel winter term 

'T is smrely not enough. 

Oh, yes, his shapely person. 

From collar down to toes. 
From heels to head, is swathed in red 

Tomato underclothes. 

T'other day people say there was glorious fun 
At the pond — were things there in bad straits? 

Or why did the fellows come down on a run. 
Not to see Texas' brother ^^ on skates.'^ 

Yes, that I can tell you was sport quite enough. 
Though William he called it not nice; 

On the Western prairies — that's why it seemed 
rough — 
He informs us they never have ice. 

A sandy young man, so he joined the first squad. 
But their pace was too fast, "dear me suz!" 

He muttered, "What chance for one's life in the 
horde ? 
Good gracious, and how they do buzz." 

But swifter and swifter they seemed to fly round 

Until all bewildered he grew; 
And he yelled when a friendly visage he found, 

"Mr. Abbott, oh, save me — won't you.-*" 
[ 231 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Have you noticed Polly Wharton ?^^ 
He 's the oddest thing in Groton; 
He wanders round distracted through 
the halls. 
He hunts in every cranny 
Like a regular old granny. 

And examines all the chinks in all the 
walls. 

With a most distracted air 
He will overturn his chair. 

And say he 's only hunting for some 
spiders. 
His locks are wild and shaggy, 
And his pants are getting baggy. 

And he '11 soon be growing quite a pair 
of siders. 

Don't worry, brother poet. 

He 's all right, though he don't know it. 

He's only lost his antiquated hat. 
Santa Claus to get the size 
Stole it 'neath his very eyes. 

And his Christmas stocking will take care 
of that. 

And next term his dormitory 
When he comes in all his glory. 

And they hear his deep bass voice and 
warning cough, 

[ 232 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1898 

Shall quake when he displays it. 
And on his head arrays it. 

When he goes to bed and kicks his slippers off, 

Sam Crocker wants to buy, please, 

A belt of Groton colours, 
A piece he 'd like to try, please. 

Not worth too many dollars. 

Now tell me, brother songster. 

How big a strip would span 
The waistband that belongs ter 

The friend of this young man? 

He surely must have tested 

And probably knows well. 
Perhaps the friend requested 

That Sammy would n't tell. 

But really now he can't, sir. 

Conceal it from a bard; 
The tintype gives the answer. 

The measure 's just one yard. 

Mr. Sturgis was absent from Groton ^one week 
And we know not what he was a-doing. 

Johnny Richards, however, and some of his clique 
Said they guessed that he 'd gone off a- wooing. 

Now Johnny's so expert, I don't take his word — 
Was it nothing but gossipy talk.^* 

[ 233 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Has there anything happened, or what have 
you heard 
Of the luck that he had in New York? 

Yes, Johnny was right, he was off on a search 
For, something too scarce here, — a wife. 

Quite successful he was and not left in the lurch. 
He found one to tie to for life. 

There 's one point in the matter that I would 
remark : 
Any man can be secret who tries. 
You kept all your friends, Warrie, quite in the 
dark. 
The announcement was such a surprise. 

At last we congratulate now that we may. 
And while we perceive your consarns 

Are your private affairs, yet at least we can say 
She belongs to all Groton, Miss Barnes. 

Will you give her a welcome for us, if you please, 

We promise she '11 love it up here. 
And she '11 learn just as we have learned all of 
these years 

Our surroundings to hold very dear. 

While wandering in study hall 

I observed a scene of ruin — 
The pictures nicked, holes punched in the wall. 

What have the boys been doing.? 

[ 234 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1898 

I timidly venture to thrust my head 

In the Senior Prefect's door^ 
To find him doubtless absorbed in Greek 

Or some such improving lore. 

But no, my head I had scarce thrust in 

When I hurriedly drew it back 
In time to escape a sudden death 

From the innocent hands of Jack.^® 

For round like a windmill his weapon flew — 

My ear it had barely missed. 
What do you suppose our Prefect's at.'' 

Is he trying to limber his wrist? 

Ah no, he 's afflicted, he 's slightly daft. 

So we just shut him up in there. 
And give him a driver and just let him loose 

To make slices and pulls at the air. 

He mutters in language uncouth and weird 
About putting holes, where can he dig 'em? 

He never reads Homer or Shakespeare or Scott, 
He murmurs quotations from Whigham. 

W^hile off in a comer there cowers Monsieur,^"^ 
And dodges and ducks and quivers. 

While Jack is expounding some point, observe. 
Of the merits of rival drivers. 

I 'd like, if I had time, to ask 
A lot of other questions; 

[ 285 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And get my brother bard's advice 
And many kind suggestions. 

I 'd like to know what happened when 

Jack Peabody, 'tis said^ 
Once took a drive with a fair maid 

Until his horse fell dead. 

I 'd also, for Luigi's ^^ sake. 

Be very glad to see 
If next year's first eleven pads 

Quite thick enough will be. 

For Perry Osborn's sake I 'd ask — 
To keep him in the dark — 

How many latenesses it takes 
To equal one black mark.? 

To ascertain the final fate 
Of Richards who got stuck. 

When cruel brethren bootboxed him, 
And left him there for luck. 



But I really must stop, 

I am ready to drop. 

To all a good-night 

And holidays bright. 
Merry Christmas to all and a glad Christmas greeting. 
So farewell to you now till our next merry meeting. 



[ 236 ] 



NOTES 

^ Nigger Dan — G. Draper. 

^ Eleven to six. 

^ A. Craighead. 

* J. C. Waterbury. 

5 H. S. Hooker. 

^ E. Bowditch, Jr. — later knorvn at Harvard as Peter the 

Great, Czar of all the Rushers. 
7 E. V. R. Thayer, Jr. 
^ Head Coach Ayr ault suffered cruelly from his hack about 

this time. 
^ Cameron Forbes — Head Coach at Harvard. Walter 

Camp — Head Coach at Yale. 
^^ Roger Derby. 

11 B. H. Dibblees score against Yale. 
^^ A = Appleton. D=?B = Bacon. C= Charles S. Brown, 

Jr. 
13 H. M. Woolsey. 

1* W. Ladd — brother of Texas Carolyn. 
15 W. P. Wharton. 
1^ /. C. Waterbury. 
" H. DuPont. 
18 L. H. W. DeKoven. 



[ 237 ] 



GROTON CLUB OF HARVARD 

DINNER AT HOTEL SOMERSET 
1899 

I WONDER if you remember 
The mystic sign K. I., 
Which made the poor kid to tremble 
And the fountains fill his eye? 

Well, that was what came to me, sirs, 
At a rather late hour last night. 

From the Rector's study awful, — 
An old-time Kompulsive Invite. 

In consequence here you see me, 

A crushed and broken thing; 
He sentenced me without pity 

To open my mouth and sing 

A song in Groton's honour 

At special request of Ben,^ 
And I 've had three recitations 

And a tooth pulled out since then. 

So if my lines are hasty. 

Pray think of the notice short, 

You 've heard my rhymes by the thousand. 
And these are the same old sort. 

In modem times we hear much talk 
Of needful annexation. 
[ 239 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

From great to greater grew New York, 
And so with this whole nation. 

And thus to show as years go on 
That old times are n't forgotten, 

The Faculty hereby salute 
You, of the Greater Groton. 

And greater still as years go on 

We, too, expect to grow. 
Although subscriptions seem to come 

Unusually slow. 

Yet there are other kinds of growth 

We celebrate to-night. 
My girth, for instance, this past hour 

Has made my waistband tight. 

My heart enlarged has likewise been 

By all these genialities. 
By Harvard welcome. Harvard cheer, 

And Harvard hospitalities. 

Which leads me to remark whate'er 

I think of Filipinners, 
I heartily approve of this 

Expansion via dinners. 

So hoping I '11 be asked again. 

And pretty fairly often, 
I '11 mention half a dozen names 

To get some squiblets off on. 
[ 240 ] 



GROTON CLUB OF HARVARD 1899 

On such an occasion as this 
One 's expected to reminisce, 
So in memory fly to the days gone by. 
The days of childhood's bhss. 

Behold an animal fair. 
The kids and the goats are there. 
And Rex Haedorum, the King of the Kids,^ 
Is occupying the chair. 

I incline to think that it '11 
Surprise you to know how brittle 
And fragile a thing was this kidlets king, 
In the days when we called him little. 

Whoever 'd have thought it then 
That he 'd come to be king of men. 
That this chicken, this young un, this fat little 
Onion, 
Would succeed to the post of Ben.'*^ 

Of Ben the midget who 
On the msteenth twenty-two 
Would wriggle and squirm like a Dibbleeized 
worm — 
A marvel at getting through. 

Ah, who would believe to-day, 
With his temples crowned with bay. 
So handsome he 'd look in the Madam's scrap- 
book — 
And beneath what the newspapers say? 
[ 241 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Of course, we always knew he 
Whatever he tried would do; he 
Was just that kind, but what words do we find? 
He 's a greater hero than Dewey. 

At this animals' fair the third 
Was known as the Phililoo * Bird, 
A very diminutive quaint little cuss 
With intellect quite absurd. 

And to-day when boys are blunderous, 
And the skating is tempting under us, 
A half holiday is declared straightway, 
For Bayard's done something wondrous.^ 

Besides the Phililoo, 
Another Cutting, too. 
Was known for his quips and his merry jests. 
But he could n't add three and two. 

And Haughty ^ could twirl the sphere 
Even then in that early year, 
And diminutive Doug '^ in those days could slug. 
In those days forever dear 

To my heart — why need I say, 
For him who is far away.'' 
Our gentle, unselfish Tiny Tim,^ 
Ah, would he were here to-day. 

The kids grow big, and in their places. 
Behold, a row of genial faces. 
[ 242 ] 



GROTON CLUB OF HARVARD 1899 

Instead of Douglas, Ben and Walt/ 
There's Bobo/« Pete,ii and Johnny Salt.^^ 

Each in his several sphere is famed, 
I meant the whole gang to have named. 
To tell the history of each kid 
From oldest graduate down to Bid.^^ 

Describe the antics as a child 
Of Grandpa ^* in the forests wild. 
How little Rook ^^ was sometimes Huffy, 
How very quaint indeed was Puffy. ^^ 

Of Howard Gray and also Teddy ,^'^ 
And of the tiny coxswain Steady. ^^ 
How Farrington and Clark e'en then 
On baseball fields were famous men. 

Of Lawrences and Postlethwaite, 
And Stanton Whitney's bustle weight. 
I 'd turn out couplets in a jiffy 
Describing Sully, Smokes or Miffy. 

There 's lots and lots of things to tell 
Of Black Dog, Shrube, or Bertie Bell. 
I might immortalize the sins 
Of the enchanting Motley twins. 

But as I wrote this in the train, 
I found that I must eke refrain. 
For though the train was hardly fast. 
It really did arrive at last. 

[ 243 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And so I came to sudden end, 

And now must ask my worthy friend 

To make the Gone Club ^^ sing their ditty. 

They 're gone from School, the more 's the pity. 



[ 244 ] 



NOTES 

1 B. H. Dihhlee— President of G. C. of H. 

^ W. A. M. Burden — the Chickeji or Onion. 

^ Captain elect of Harvard University Eleven, vice B. H. 
Dibblee, recejitly victorious over Yale. 

^ W. Bayard Cutting, Jr. 

^ John Harvard Scholarship and Half Holiday at Groton. 

^ P. D. Haughton — pitcher ifi 5-2 and 6—5 baseball games 
vs. St. Mark's; later Captain of Harvard Varsity Nine. 

'^ F. D. Cochrane. 

^ Clarke Thomson. 

» W. L. Cutting. 
1^ A. R. Sargent. 
^^ F. L. Higginson, Jr. 
^^ /, L. Saltonstall. 
13 M. H. Birckhead. 
1* D. F. Carpenter. 
1^ R. S. Rainsford. 
16 C. B. Curtis. 
1'^ Edward Gray, Jr. 
1^ J. W. Stedman. 

1^ Successor of Groton Quartette and Predecessor of Go-on 
Club and Go-aivay Club. 



[ 245 ] 



BIRTHDAY 

1899 

Some fifteen years it was ago 

A small and lusty brat 
Arrived upon this scene of woe, 

Healthy, and strong, and fat. 

The friends and sponsors gathered round 
Pronounced the child no fool. 

The infant was, as you '11 have guessed. 
None else than Groton School. 

The Masters were a youthful three. 
The dark one had no beard. ^ 

The great one's ^ figure still was thin. 
The third's ^ thick hair looked weird. 

So thick that Carroll Greenough when 

He saw our photograph 
But yesterday said, "Who's that man.? 

His topknot makes me laugh." 

And one there was whose warning voice 
Made all those Masters huiTy; 

The School's presiding genius she. 
Our Madam dear McMurray. 

The infant grew, its prowess spread. 

And in the dormitories 
Have oft repeated been the tales 

Of all its early glories. 
[ 247 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Of Lancaster and Worcester town^ 

Of fifty-two to zero. 
Emmons and Ives and Popper Cross^ 

And many another hero. 

But finally it grew so great 

That to a larger mansion 
It had to move to celebrate 

This era of expansion. 

We moved last Wednesday from a scene 

Of horrible compression. 
And after many, many weeks. 

At last we 're in possession. 

The building/ I would have you note. 

Has bunches of facilities 
To give us scope to carry out 

Our truly great abilities. 

I 've got a room with walls so thick 
That when I raise my voice — 

A thing I very seldom do — 
The Rector hears no noise. 

And Mr. Abbott has been put 

Some passages away. 
His gentle whispering don't clash 

With what / want to say. 

No longer kids in school-room hours 
Upon the floor are stood. 
[ 248 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1899 

Those brackets are the very thing 
To stand on when not good. 

And Mr. Griswold says at last 

He 's got a lab'ratory. 
In future, physics class will be 

A very different story. 

Ah, different indeed 't will be. 

In fact, the only trouble 
Appeared to be it is so big 

He wishes he were double. 

Accordingly he is resolved 

No longer to stay single. 
Hurrah, then, for the wedding bells. 

And merry may they jingle ! 

In Europe when we saw him not 

His conduct was so sly 
That when we heard of those boquets. 

We winked the other eye. 

We learned he 'd gone upon a tour, 

A party of professors ; 
But of their daughters not a word 

Vouchsafed he to the guessers. 

Ah, little did we reckon then — 
How could we then divine — 

That in a few short weeks we 'd hear 
Th' enraptured cry, "She's mine!" 
[ 249 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

But when we saw his London clothes. 

And noticed on his mouche 
That extra twirl, we were prepared 

To welcome Mrs. Push. 

A royal welcome, too, we '11 give, 
These halls with cheers will shake. 

For judging by experience 

When to themselves they take 

A wife, the Faculty is blessed 

With wonderful success. 
The Bold ^ deserved the Fair he won — 

So here 's to Mrs. S. 

But you '11 wonder what I 'm doing 

If I don't brace up and say 
A thing or two about the kids. 

The heroes of to-day. 

For on these birthday festivals 
The kids first learn with pain 

What quaint young animals they are. 
And don't do so again. 

My usual course in composing these rhymes 
Is to tackle my afternoon guests. 

On Sundays and such other festival times. 
And ask them for points and for jests. 

Last Sunday, however, on trying this scheme, 
I found when I entered my hall 
[ 250 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1899 

That the Third and Fourth Forms had just grabbed 
at the grub, 
And fled without making a call. 

In future I must be compelled to rely. 

When trying to get up my jokes. 
On the heaviest eaters, who 're sure to stand by. 

Such eaters, for instance, as Stokes. 

For behaviour I 'm sure the First Form takes the cake. 

Whatever the Third Form may do. 
Why, Prince ^ thinks so much of these afternoon teas 

That he 's nicknamed me Mr. Googoo. 

And Hadden,"^ the youngest, prepares him and prinks. 

And brushes his ivory teeth 
With carbolic soap of the kind the dogs use — 

For cleanliness give him the wreath. 

McMichael takes pains for a whole week ahead 

To practise society's airs. 
He thinks it is wise to acquire the art 

Of gracefully sitting on chairs. 

So he tried in the class-room to tilt back his seat. 
And with horror his kind teacher saw 
(The chair lost its balance, it was n't his fault) 
He 'd McWiggled himself to the floor. 

While Tilney adorns his new golden-haired doll. 
And Newbold his nanny-goat decks 
[ 251 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

With a brass-studded collar engraved with an '^N/ 
And brings it to pay its respects. 

The nanny 's not his, to be sure he declares. 

It only belongs to his sister. 
And, oh, so respectful are Hickup and King,^ 

And Osborn calls Hemenway "Mister." 

While little boy Buttons ® puts on his best coat. 
And the latest boy Butler they name him. 

If he thinks that the pun is a trifle remote, 
I 'm sure I 'm not going to blame him. 

And the little White Dog ^^ trots along of himself. 

To do justice to cake and to tea. 
And Leander the Plummer, with cast-iron back. 

Is n't backward in joining the spree. 

I travelled wide, I travelled far. 
When summer days were here. 

To see whatever I might see. 
And hear what I might hear. 

Where'er I went, all people talked 

About the devious ways 
Of the mysterious Kissing Bug, 

Myotis Picipes. 

But 't was n't till I had returned 

At last I came to know. 
The Kissing Bug was caught at last. 

Its name was Turkey Low.^^ 
[ 252 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1899 

His maple-sugar kisses were 
The sweetest thing on earth. 

Like Roosevelt ^^ at the candy pull 
When maidens in their mirth 

Threw the molasses at his face. 
Or Randolph/^ whom they say, 

Southampton maidens greeted in 
A most effusive way. 

Heart failure was his ill, he said. 

They held him by the hand 
To feel his pulse, — these maids declared. 

And Bertie thought it grand. 

And now he asks that some kind friend 

Will place at his disposal 
The very latest formula 

For making a proposal. 

And Alvah Crocker, too, 'tis said. 

To follow the example 
Of Mr. Griswold is prepared. 

And we 're not sure but the scamp will. 

We all allow the new boy Howe ^* 

Of learning is a star. 
But spelling turnip 's not his forte. 

He writes it t-i-r. 

I hear lots of talk from way back New York, 
That Lipton can't get any race 

[ 253 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Because of the calm as dead as a clam, 
And he thinks it 's a shame and disgrace. 

If he 'd only ask me, I could furnish him free 
Any kind of a wind that he pleases ; 

For with Jimmy and Sid and Bobby the Kid, 
We rejoice in no less than three Breeses. 

When Lawrance ^^ is n't building some new boat 
I wonder how he occupies his hours? 

Except that his creations will not float 

They seem to have all kinds of wondrous powers. 

A cat-boat or some other kind of skiff he 
Will turn into a full-rigged ship or brig. 

Flying machine or proa in a jiffy. 

Just twice as slow as in her former rig. 

But when beneath his keel no longer gurgling 
Is heard the water, then he comes to land. 

And straightway to the gentle art of burgling 
This versatile inventor turns his hand. 

With mask and lantern and unloaded pistol 
His guests he holds up in the dead of night, 

And rifles all their money, while his whistle 
Osborn ^^ awaits half paralyzed with fright. 

The victim, as a little bird reported. 

Had been forewarned and did n't mind a bit. 

And so the horrid purposes were thwarted. 
But Lawrance was nigh scared into a fit. 

[ 254 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1899 

We must set Leaky ^'^ on this bold bad villain^ 
For he is just the man to catch a thief. 

The trouble is that Leaky 's never willin' 
To testify and cause a robber grief. 

Twinkle, twinkle, Louis Starr, 
My! how beautiful you are. 
When you go to do your shopping, 
Right and left the prices dropping. 
Prove what your good looks can do 
When the shop-girls glance at you. 

They call him of Brooks House the Vicar, 

The hero I celebrate next; 
Perhaps I shall get through the quicker 

By taking this loftier text. 

McVickar ^^ of Brooks House suggested 
He 'd got this new nickname of late. 

Because he was called Parson Leggy, 
Instead of plain Mary Ann Haight. 

While Richards, thin stripling, protested 

This title was perfectly bully. 
This slinging of epithets, look at his curls. 

Why should n't they call him Red Wully. 

But now to return to my Vicar, 

The Reverend Billings, I mean. 
He 's tired of sitting at table 

On a chair where he cannot be seen. 

[ 255 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

So he got him a carpenter busy 

Who made him a high-chair straightway. 

And now from this altitude dizzy. 
He leads the Blue Bottle affray. ^^ 

There was once a Beetle, his name was Moncure,^^ 
His age seventeen, but his shooting was poor. 
He managed his gun in a manner peculiar. 
And when he took aim he was likely to fool yer. 

Now was the gun loaded? Just there was the puzzle. 
He grabbed at the handle and gazed down the muzzle. 
Ay, laugh at his conduct eccentric and queer. 
It 's all very well, but we did shoot that deer. 

One summer morning as I was yawning 
And longing for diversion and variety. 

As chance directed, my eye selected 

The sheet which tells the doings of society. 

And there unheeding, as I was reading 

I saw a picture of a Four in hand. 
And on it sitting in costume fitting 

Quite the most skilful whip in all the land. 

The paper said it must give the credit 

To one who drove much better than most men. 

And all must own, sirs, that Tweedle ^^ Sloane, sirs. 
Can drive a coach, though he is not yet ten. 

What will become I wonder much 
Of Stockton 2^ when he dies .'' 
[ 256 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1899 

This question has been asked of me. 
And this is my surmise: 

If Ducky is but lucky 

I see no good excuse 
Why he should not develop to 

A beautiful white goose. 

When to these halls of learning we returned. 
We found no gasolene at Brooks House burned. 

And Mr. Billings nearly had a fit. 
When by some lucky freak upon the scene. 
Boot-black McCormick chanced to intervene. 

And some one straightway had a flash of wit. 

Said he, "My brethren, I am much surprised 
That no one yet has ever utilized 

The flow of natural gas that streams from Chauncey." 
And with the word he quickly struck a match. 
Applied it to McCormick with despatch. 

And dazzling was the glare, as you may fancy. 

A solemn ceremony, 

A dread initiation. 
More horrible than funny 

Occurred on one occasion. 

Hark ! while I tell you of it ; 

The idea makes me clammy; 
The awful veiled prophet 

Was only gentle Hammy.^^ 

[ 257] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

They swathed him with dissembUng, 

And then the luckless kid 
With quaking and with trembling 

He kissed him, yes, he did. 

We 're pleased to notice Harrison ^* — 

How is that dear old fogy? 
His guide, philosopher and friend — 

How is he, how is Roguey ? ^^ 

I 'd like to talk another hour 
Now that I 've got you in my power. 
And tell of Pot ^^ the woman hater ; 
Perhaps I '11 do so somewhat later. 

Of Bawky's ^'^ shirt and Whitney's ^^ socks, 
How Thayer ^^ breaks through and Minturn ^^ 

blocks. 
How Mr. Gladwin and the Brave ^^ 
Both tried their best the Choir to save. 

And when they both had done their best. 
They sang, "Who doth not crave for rest.?" 
Of Sawyer,^^ Chuchu's ^^ little brother. 
Who said to Woden,^* "You're another." 

How Norman Prince at tether ball 
Found Hollister ^^ no fun at all. 
How glad we are that Mr. Marvin 
Is in our mongst to do the carvin' 

[ 258 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1899 

For lively kids like Paris Green, 
Or Grosvenor Red, or Margarine/^ — 
A name well earned by Hodges fat, 
A very walking butter-pat. 

How Psyche ^^ treats his mastilF badly, 
And Testy ^^ Parrish goes round sadly 
Hunting for golf balls, midst the Heifers 
Who used to be in Sparta Ephors. 

G. Beetle's pawn shop in his mug, 
Robbins's puffs when going to slug. 
How Kobbe sailing, found a bore 
Got sea-sick, longed to get on shore. 

Of Charlie Appleton's queer clothes. 
All of one piece from nose to toes. 
How Mr. Gladwin fed the whale. 
How Draper, too, enjoyed that sail. 

How Mr. Woods declined to laugh 
In spite of all the brethren's chaff. 
How Dunky ^® likes to be conspitious. 
And Larned's nose looks somewhat vicious. 

How Webb and Whitney measured legs. 
And how thin Whitney humbly begs. 
And Watson Webb doth eke intreat. 
The size I 'd not tell of their feet. 

How Ewey Thayer congratulated 
The kid by his good luck elated. 
[ 259 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

His birthday was the same as Ewey's, 
Of Blubs ^*^ and other future Deweys. 

How Dooney Humpy ^^ and Miss Kelly ^^ 
Both loved a maiden christened Nelly, 
And bushels of such other stuff, 
But really I have said enough. 

The School is old, 't is fifteen year 
(The jokes are ancient too, I fear); 
But 't is the same old place we know 
Who knew and loved it long ago. 

And better still 't \\all be, I ween. 
When it has finished sweet sixteen. 
Thus rising still from good to best, 
I leave it — you may take a rest. 



[ 260 ] 



NOTES 

1 Mr. Billings. 

2 The Rector. 

3 The Author. 

* iVew School Building used for thejlrst time October 11, 
1899. 

5 Mr. S. W. Sturgis. 

6 F. H. Prince, Jr. 
'' H. F. Hadden. 

^ Edward King. 

9 G. Butler. 

10 Meredith Blagden. 

11 G. C. W. Low. 

12 /. B. Roosevelt. 

13 A. B. Randolph. 
1* George Howe. 

1^ C. L. Lawrance. 

1^ J. Perry Oshorn. 

" i2. i?. Leaycraft. 

18 /. McF. UmgR 

19 Birthday Song of the Fifth Form. 

20 M Biddle. 

21 M. D. *S/oawe. 

22 Howard Stockton— "Bucky." 
22 Gorham Brooks. 

24 G. H. M#m. 

25 Roguey, his pet dog. 

26 /. W^. i^M//er Po«er. 
2'^ J. Auchincloss. 

28 G. Whitney. 

29 C«jo<am £. r. /2. rA«yer. 

30 J. ^. Minturn. 

[ 261 ] 



NOTES 



^^ Mr. Ayrault. 
^^ A. W. Smvyer. 

33 W. P. Blagden. 

34 Mr. Woods. 

35 Buell Hollister. 
3^ Carroll Hodges. 

3"^ Stuyvesant Fish, Jr. 

3^ /. C. Parrish. 

39 J. R. Hooper, Jr. 

^^ Roger Derby. 

*^ R. Duane Humphreys. 

4^ Shaun Kelly. 



[ 262 ] 



CHRISTMAS 

1899 

[ Fragment] 

Good brother bard, I fear that my report 
Upon the School affairs is somewhat short. 
For tonsillitis, fever, aches and pains 
Have carried off three quarters of my brains. 

And how could I obtain the needful points 
To write about, when in my aged joints 
Such havoc reigned that I have not been able 
To fill for weeks my wonted place at table.'* 

And learn from Hollister the latest squibs; 
While Sidney Breeses, Blubber ^ tends the jibs. 
And all the rest just pour into my ears 
The doings of the brethren — and their dears. 

Of other deers I hear as well from Biddle. 

The deer ive shot — the guide played second fiddle. 

The head 's been stuffed and that 's enough to prove 

it- 
Aspersion on his marksmanship — remove it! 

He catches trout as well, he 'd give you warning. 
He cast his fly and hooked the luckless Corning.^ 
Yes, as I say, I Ve not been in the push. 
And to make matters worse e'en Mr. Cush 

[ 263 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Spends many days away in the great City, 
Getting elected to the School Committee, 
Telling the lady voters 't is their duty 
To recognize size, gallantry, and beauty. 

And as I must depend, dear brother bard. 
On your assistance in my problem hard. 
Just tell me what you 've heard about each lad. 
Brilliant and stupid, good, and even bad. 



I 'm deeply pained to learn that kids 

Fail duly to respect 
Their Masters' wondrous qualities. 

For all can recollect 

How Josephs, when he first arrived. 
Said Groton was all right. 

Only that Mr. Nutter failed 
To meet requirements quite. 

''You see he 's really very nice," 
Young Josephs thus began, 

''But then, you see, that he is such 
A nervous little man." 

He took a bath one winter night 
To cure him of some chills; 

Half boiled, he fainted and in fright 
The nurse prescribed two pills. 

[ 264 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1899 

And Mr. Gladwin really ought 

His purchases to hide — 
A case of PoUywater came 

The other eventide. 

And Roelker, Mr. Ayrault finds 

A specimen unique_, 
Who talks quite decent English 

For a man who 's really Greek. 

While others say that down the road 
No longer times are merry. 

For Mr. Marvin 's quite cut out 
By fascinating Gerry.^ 

The latter soon will quit the field. 

They say that at the Boulders/ 
The name of the new Sturgis house. 

The joy of all beholders, 

That Gerry lately has applied. 
And will not be rejected. 

To fill the place of housemaid, nor 
Could better be selected. 

Do you know the Rector's nephew & 
With the big round head.^ 

He lately had a birthday 
And came out half dead. 

[ 265 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

His brains, I fear, are shattered. 
For in physics class — 

How does he test the flotage 
Of a piece of brass? 



Mc Wiggle ^ in the school-room slouches 
And will not sit up straight. 

The Master, in the worst of grouches. 
Begins him to berate. 

^'Unto your desk sit up," he cries. 

McWiggle, with an air 
Of somewhat indolent surprise. 

Steps up into his chair. 

Upon the desk he proudly sits. 

His graceful, tiny feet. 
Directed by this prince of wits. 

Rest gently 07i his seat. 

Of course Mr. Abbott was just getting square 
With McWiggle, who said with an innocent air. 
That good Mr. Abbott was just finance; 
He was sure it was true, spite of all they might say. 
For he saw the whole School in half-holiday whirl, 
And he knew Mr. Abbott had just got a girl. 



Randolph is getting a big boy now. 
Have n't you noticed the little eye-brow 

[ 266 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1899 

Darkly adorning his uppermost lip, 

And the deep bass voice of his worthy-ship? 

He likes a big voice when the owner is small ; 
'T is better, he holds, than a tenor when tall. 
And the great event of the bygone week 
Was the first shave applied to his manly cheek. 

He 'd better beware of the shaving brush '^; 
Joe Burden he mounted and off with a rush 
He galloped upon an old nag of that name. 
And Joseph since then speaks of brushes with shame. 



They 're a fair lot of scholars, though some are not 
strong ; 

Their notions concerning some lessons are queer. 
And it 's not very easy to show them they 're wrong. 

They 've a mind of their own as to studies, I fear. 

Bobby Breese, for example, believes for a fact 
That the ancients had habits not unlike our own. 

He can see in their words and beneath ev'ry act 
They were flesh of our flesh, just as bone of our 
bone. 

He surprised the Head Master a few days ago 
As he answered in class with intelligent look. 

He was certain who Castor and Pollux ^ were both, 
They were people who 'd written a modern hymn- 
book. 

[ 267 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Do you know why Captain Leaky ^ 

Was so hoarse he scarce could speak? He 

Felt really very wretched, weak and ill 
With spinal meningitis. 
Chicken-pox or tonsillitis. 

He really had a most alarming chill. 



[ 268 ] 



NOTES 

Roger Derby. 

E. Corning. 

E. G. Chadwick. 

S. W. Sturgis — nicknamed "The Bold." 

Harold Peahody. 

P. McMichael 

Mr. B.'s horse. 

Query : Moody and Sankey ? 

R. R. Leaycraft. 



[ 269 ] 



BIRTHDAY 

1900 

ON this festival occasion 
As I tune my twangolet^ 
I would wish you good digestion. 
Trust you have n't overate. 

And remarking that these verses 

Are not always strictly true, 
I would deprecate your curses 

If the joke seems up to you. 

For a poet only jots down 

As his Muse may chance t' inspire. 
Merely, then, consider what 's down 

Echoes of Apollo's Liar! 

'T is unusually festive. 

Such a crowd we 've never seen. 
For the School is somewhat guestive. 

And our age is sweet sixteen. 

And we welcome with emotion 

An occasion such as this is, 
When our dear old boys are with us, 

And just here and there a Mrs. 

Et quant au petit Warwick,^ 

Groton School's first hopeful grandson. 
Nous lui donnerons un gateau. 

And a table for to dance on. 
[ 271 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Did it ever occur to any one here 

How exceedingly funny it is 
To run through the catalogue, boy by boy. 

And write some such poem as this? 

Sam Crocker 's a fusser and Alvah 's a flirt, 

Joe Burden's a masher as well; 
And Balky 2 has added a waist to his shirt 

That the ladies may think him a swell. 

They whisper indeed that he loves a Princess, 

And on Sunday in gorgeous array, 
He woos a king's daughter, while others confess 

Of their projects he stands in the way. 

And Randolph chews sen-sen and longs to be told — 
If you kindly would add to his knowledge — 

Whether fellows in love need to wait till they 're old. 
Or can they be married in college.'^ 

And under his chin he applies vaseline 
To encourage the growth of his beard; 

And though there is not very much to be seen. 
That little looks just a bit weird. 

Macdonald^ objects to a dog-collar belt 
When it circles a maiden's slim waist. 

He declares he knows well, for last summer he felt. 
And it was n't at all to his taste. 

Butter Pat * is so bashful, he merely looks neat ; 
His fair one must think him a dandy; 

[ 272 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1900 

He climbed the car window and hurled on the seat 
Beside her his tribute of candy. 

And Stillman -would not be outdone by such stunts. 
Took one hundred girls out in a carriage, 

And his confidence to them he gave all at once. 
And his blushes show that must mean marriage. 

And poor Judge McMichael, who wounded his hand, 

Pursued a fair lady to-day. 
And asked her to hold it, 't would give him relief. 

The anguish it sure would allay. 

She held it one hour, the Judge murmured "More, 
'T is beginning to feel something like." 

The lady, alas, 'gan to think it a bore. 

And bade him, "Ta ta." Tough luck, Mike. 

While Meredith Blagden continues to pine. 
He 's kept eight months all but a day. 

And pinned all his hopes on a dear Valentine, 
And never will throw it away. 

When Greenough ^ goes out for a knockabout race. 

Completely obscured is his rail 
By a line of gay parasols, adding much grace 

And an area big to his sail. 

He wants to get back for this merciless whack 
By assaulting the three Derby brothers. 

Who ran on a rock with a terrible shock. 

And he likewise remarks, "There are others." 
[ 273 ] 



GIIOTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Oh, those Islesboro boats, they 're the best thing that 
floats. 

And their cabins are all fitted out 
With smelling-salts bottles when passengers faint. 

And implore that they '11 please come about. 

And as to North-East, it is rumoured, at least. 

That Corning is fond of the lades, 
And lest Walter Bradley should chance to feel badly 

I believe he, too, favours the maids. 

But really, my friends, unless this business ends. 
These hundreds of jokes about girling. 

When I ask for a jest I must really protest, 
It sets my poor bald head a- whirling. 

So since you deny me the needed supply 

Of squibs and adventures and jokes, 
I needs must invent, and perhaps you '11 repent. 

So let 's turn our attention to Stokes.^ 

Behold that slim and graceful form. 
Behold those movements spry — 

The figure of a fairy sylph. 
But figures sometimes lie. 

He started from the School door once 

With airy, skipping tread ; 
He fain would reach the football field 

Ere daylight should have fled. 

[ 274 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1900 

But on arriving there at last 

He found he wasn't in it; 
It took him, though he ran so fast. 

Three hours and one minute. 

There 's a youngster most ingenuous, 
Whose behaviour 's somewhat strenuous. 

To punch a fellow's head he 's always ready. 
Always revelling in gore. 
Always wiping up the floor 

With some other kid — this sweet thing's name 
is Teddy. "^ 

When he left his happy home 
And his mouth began to foam. 

There was weeping and a-wailing 'mongst his 
pets; 
They consist of fighting fleas. 
And a pair of stinging bees. 

And another pair of biting parroquets; 

And a pair of turtledoves. 
Who to manifest their loves 

Scratch their eyes out every other day or so; 
But they wept and wailed sore 
When the mighty man of war 

To a boarding-school invited was to go. 

The dormitory walls 
Now reecho with the falls 

Of the brethren who 've his violence endured. 

[ 275 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

He had only one more foe. 
But some Master he said, "no," 

And the bout was stopped, and so his record 
Sewered.^ 

His thoughts are all expressed in the language of the 
West. 
For when morning's rays their golden light reveal. 
He calls the witching time when the buzzer 'gins to 
chime 
The merry hour when the chickens squeal. 

Joe Potter went with Wode ^ to hunt 
When summer days were hot; 

A still hunt was the form of sport 
Best suited to the spot. 

Alas, poor Joe returned without 

A single bit of luck. 
(Though Woden's guide shot Woden's gun, 

And Woden claimed the buck.) 

But why did Potter fail to win 

Some trophy of his skill .-^ 
You see it was a still hunt, and 

Joseph could not keep still. 

I hear there are two rich voices who 

Are bold enough to aspire 
To add one more throe to Nutter's woe 

By carolling in the Choir. 

[ 276 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1900 

A very deep bass comes forth from the face 
Of the solemn and serious Plum.^^ 

And its echoes roll and they move the soul 
Like a cruelly treated drum. 

And Appleton ^^ quavers with voice that savours 

Of misery lost and lone ; 
A tremulo, simply buried in woe, 

A most exquisite barytone. 

Chump Chesterfield Perkins, Jack Higginson bold — 
For these are his full Christian names, I am told — 
Is quite an authority, so he declares. 
On race horses, records, and sporting affairs. 

His riding experience counts but one fall. 
Though his enemies say he can't stick on at all. 
They advise him to cultivate matters aquatic. 
And say that he dives like a lobster rheumatic. 

Thomas Henry Powers Farr, 
How original you are. 
How you horrified each soul 
When you dashed for your own goal. 

You were tackled just in time 
To insert in this, my rhyme. 
Otherwise, L. Josephs would 
On this eminence have stood. 

Joe, you know, is good at study, 
Even when his clothes are muddy. 

[ 277 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

When he rushes with the ball, ^ 
He is geometrical. 

" Lost five yards/' the linesman cries, 
"What's the matter with your eyes?" 
Mr. Ayrault cries with pain, 
" Never run like that again." 

"Why this wiggling, wandering gait? 
Don't you know a line that's straight?" 
" Certainly," said Josephs while 
Beamed his somewhat dopy smile. 
"^You yourself have said in class, — 
And I 'm sure that any ass 
Could reply without assistance, — 
'Twixt two points the longest distance." 

This same gentleman would fain 
Have some person tell him plain — 
"Could it possibly be true 
That to-night we 'd have on view 
For the first time in our lives 
Each old boy with all his wives?" 

We wondered why this afternoon 
No black marks were read out. 

And why the Rector seemed so queer 
And looked a bit put out. 

Surely School duties must go on. 
Justice must conquer pity, 
[ 278 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1900 

E'en if it is a festal day. 

With folks up from the city. 

I asked him why he 'd put it off 

Till Monday afternoon? 
He answered by a nervous cough 

A trifle out of tune. 

Next Monday will reveal the truth 

That cough revealed to me. 
He does n't wish to shame a youth. 

And Malcolm he has three. 

When Charlie Brown ^^ went out to drive 
One dark and ghostly night. 

Two highwaymen his coach attacked. 
But Charlie felt no fright. 

He merely drove with headlong speed 

And hid himself in bed. 
(The highwaymen were Jimmy Breese 

And Tow Head Potts,i^ 't is said.) 

But Charlie's teeth were chattering. 
His heart gave painful thumps. 

To look at him you might have thought 
He had callippyjumps. 

He said the ruffians were a gang 

Of seven robbers bold ; 
The youngest of them was, he knew. 

At least nineteen years old. 
[ 279 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VEKSES 

Perry Osborn rides a horse. 

Tall and lank and bony; 
Perry is a pretty sight. 

Sitting on his pony. 

'^Tell me, faithful coachman, tell. 

Who is the best rider?" 
"Miss Virginia, sir," said he, 

"No one else beside her." 

"How about myself.'^" he cries, 

With some slight vexation. 
Clinging to his pony's mane 

In his indignation. 

"Sure, sir, you," the stupid groom's 

Answer came quite ready, 
" 'T is the weight of your huge feet 

That maintains you steady." 

*T was Jimminy Christmas Gignoux ^* 
Or little Joe Coolidge who 
Were not quite certain, they could n't swear. 
But still they believed they knew — 

So announced with demeanour grave 
And an air which assurance gave 
That a lady they saw in the parlour one night 
Was certainly Mrs. Brave. ^^ 

Joe Coolidge is so polite 
That when on a recent night 
[ 280 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1900 

He refused the pudding, he called the maid back 
To say that he realized quite 

Her kindness in making the proffer. 
Though obliged to reject her offer. 
His words were so kind and his air so refined 
That she could n't have thought him a scoffer. 

He declares that when he sees 
In football togs, S. Breese — 
Oh, Gee! but Sidney looks tons more fierce 
Than at table at breakfast and teas. 

Sargent ^^ is a noisy youth ; 

When the mornings dawn 
He proclaims the tidings glad 

With his nasal horn. 

And when evening shadows fall 

As a parting toot. 
Whisking out his handkerchief 

Trumpets a salute. 

He is skilled in foreign tongues. 
Thinks my trusty henchman 

Who the empty teapot fills. 
Surely is a Frenchman. ^"^ 

So with accent rare and strange 

One can hear him say, 
" Monsieur Percy, if you please, 

Donne moi de la lait." 
[ 281 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Bacon ^^ is a Frenchy too. 

Thinks that I don't dare 
To get off a joke on him. 

But he will not care. 

Being French doan understand 

What I would be at. 
When I squib him says with glee, 

"Oh, que je suis fatte." 

At midday dinner once a week 
The corned beef and the pork 

In ancient days produced some pain 
And not a little talk. 

Mrs. McMurray was resolved 

Our appetites to quicken. 
And so to our intense surprise 

She 's substituted chicken. 

Imagine then our wild delight. 

Think of our gluttonie. 
When we, instead of toughish pork. 

Are served with fricassee. 

They talked of lifting her aloft. 
To bear her on the shoulder, 

While some encouraged by the change 
Have bolder grown and bolder. 

And now suggest a new idea — 

They wish more frequent pie days, 
[ 282 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1900 

And if it wouldn't seem too queer 
She 'd give us steak on Fridays. 

Have you ever seen how 
Hiram ^^ handles his cow 

Without either stirrup or saddle? 
He clings to one horn 
And aloft he is borne 

In a graceful and elegant straddle. 

But, alas, for his luck. 
For the cow 'gins to buck. 

And his seat it gets wobbly and wibbly; 
Poor Hiram turns pale 
And slides over the tail. 

And that is the last of poor Sibley. 

The Masters, they say, are getting gray; 

One advantage of hair like mine 
Is nobody '11 know how old I grow, 

'T is silky, they say, and fine. 

But poor Mr. Cush when he gives a young kid 
Black marks which he does n't deserve. 

Serenely states the kid's conduct grates 
Upon his sciatical nerve. 

Mr. Abbott is known to take leave of his wits 
In the midst of a lecture in class; 

While the brethren nervously glance at the door 
And wonder if they can pass. 
[ 283 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

He took leave of his wits on an automo-trip — 

Last summer some wicked deceiver 
Beguiled him to pilot poor Bertie and Charles ^"^ 

To the shores of the Lake of Geneva. 

When asked if Jim Jackson could run fast as he. 
With scorn he retorted, '^'^Why, that man, 

He wouldn't be in it an instant with me — 
Yes, he runs fairly fast for a fat man." 

Oh, you should have heard Mr. Marvin discourse 

When suffering 'neath the delusion 
That a carload of kids were Grotonians new. 

And making a lot of confusion. 

He lectured them sharply and said that such noise 

Was not what we do at this School; 
But they came from St. Paul's, and not Groton at all. 

So he felt just a bit like a fool. 

And young Morton Prince, without e'er a wince 

And never a muscle did flinch. 
Leaned over the table and loudly exclaimed, 

''Say, ain't Mr. Ayrault a cinch?" 

And poor Mr. Gladwin 's the easiest thing 

You 've met with for many a year. 
A hard-hearted youth had a Brooks brothers box 

And was struck with a brilliant idea. 

The clothes he took out, and with string tied about 
The box on the floor did deposit. 
[ 284 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1900 
And my! how Max^^ pounced on it, seized it with 

And whisked to the confiscate closet. 

One word more at parting. These sixteen long years 
Have been full of deep joys, many smiles and few 

tears. 
The School has grown great in contentment and peace 
And the love of her sons as her seasons increase. 

But deepest of all of our deep- treasured joys 

Is our pride in the record of Groton's old boys. 

Old boys, we have missed you, our own hearts know 

best 
The tie that unites us, nor needs be expressed. 
And though years may roll on, and though old we 

may grow. 
The flame still burns warm as in days long ago. 



[ 285 ] 



NOTES 

^ Warwick Potter II — emerged from cake at dinner and 

said Bon Soir, as he could nt speak English. 
^ J, Auchincloss. 
^ Gordon MacDo?iald. 

* Carroll Hodges. 

^ C. P. Greenough. 

6 H. P. Stokes. 

"^ Theodore Roosevelt, Jr. i 

^ Seivard Webb. 

9 Mr. Woods. 

^ Leander A. Plummer, Jr. — "Clam.'' 

^ jP. R. Appleton, Jr. 

^ C. S. Brown, Jr. 

^ Howard Potter. 

* G. C. Gignoux. 

^ First person singular, future perfect passive of mitto. 

^ F. W. Sargent, Jr. 

^ Percy Gordon. 

^ R. L. Bacon. 

^ Harper Sibley. 
^^ Randolph and Lawrance. 
^^ Mr. Gladwin. 



[ 286 ] 



CHRISTMAS 

1900 

The sight of this laurel and holly. 
The general atmosphere jolly, 
The common delight of this festival night. 
Inspires poetical folly. 

So once more, respectable pardner. 
Just put on your jaw muscle hardener. 
And tune up your lyre, ye Muses, inspire 
Bard Billings and Oracle Gardner. 

The cruel exams are all ended. 
Results have been something quite splendid; 
And for those in the soup, there 's a chance to recoup, 
For vacation by one day 's extended. 

Thanksgiving, you see, is so festive 
For boys whom School food has made restive. 
That 't was feared that the Hub with inferior grub 
Might damage their organs digestive. 

To avert, then, this threatened disaster. 
Up here we ate more food and faster. 
With a fine minstrel show and a warble or so 
And attacks on a bald-headed Master. 

While the chimes with their clashing and banging, 
Their dinging and donging and whanging. 
Excited the Bold ^ and the Brave ^ and the Young,^ 
And doubtless will end with the hanging 

[ 287 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

In a musical true lover's knot 
Some day the unfortunate ringing artist.* 
He says that each chime is in exquisite time^ 
And others again remark, "Rot." 

But enough of this tragedy fearful. 
To-morrow we part — oh_, how tearful — 
For eighteen long days on our several ways. 
And to-night we are feeling quite cheerful. 

Can you solve for me the riddle 
Once propounded by G. Biddle, 

That chatterbox impossible to squelch? 
Can you tell if Powell's rabbits, 
Just to judge them by their habits. 

Are genuine, or are they merely Welsh.'' 

Biddle, of course, supposes, 

By the wiggling of their noses. 
Those rabbits are indisputably foreign. 

For wherever they are found. 

They are always wobbling round 
In a fashion that recalls their cousin Morin.^ 

No, child, the cuspidor. 
When the savage bull doth roar. 
Is not the feller managing the show; 
Nor is the good corned beef. 
Of the bill of fare the chief. 
Quite the same as sirloin roast, I 'd have you 
know. 

[ 288 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1900 

Inform me, wise seer — for I know that you can — 
Why Professor^ remains here at Groton so much? 

Last year every month to New Haven he ran — 
Did he want with the students to get into touch? 

Oh, no, 't was n't men that he cared about so. 

Professor knew well what he wanted down there, 
And got it, so now he 's no reason to go. 

We've seen that the Fraulein has come to the 
Herr. 

Why are certain lives with such luck always filled? 

There are others we know, as fine-looking men, too 
(The gen'ral,'^ for instance, just think of his build). 

Old bachelors still, spite of all they can do. 

Don't grumble, dear fellow, we 're very young yet. 
Just wait a few years till the loneliness ends ; 

For the present remember the comfort we get. 
The pleasure we take, in the wives of our friends. 

So every new wife we are glad to see come, 
Frau Griswold we welcome, our liking is plain. 

We 're glad she has come up to stay with us here. 
New Haven has lost, but Grotonians gain. 

Tell me, poet, if you 're able. 

What disturbs the weighty Lummox ^ 

When we 're sitting at the table 

Putting things inside our — waistbands? 

[ 289 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Though the room be rather chilly 

And unlighted is the fire. 
Like a beet he looks, — poor Stilly, — 

And commences to perspire. 

He 's a sensitive young creature. 

And since Gaspar Bacon 's near him. 

Lummox cannot stand red pepper. 
And Tabasco seems to queer him. 

But a mound of mashed potato 

With a sprig of parsley in it. 
If applied when hot and tempting. 

Will restore him in a minute. 

Oh, Turkey Low ^ is such a beau. 

Why is his razor blunt? 
Has he been carving names with it, 

Or doing some such stunt .f* 

Nay, but the bushy, bushy brows 
That shadow Turkey's forehead. 

He tried to shave to make them thick, 
I think he would look horrid. 

I hear in the city of Greater New York 

They 're full of all kinds of diseases unclean. 

But why in the country is there so much talk 
Of injection of something — they call it vaccine.'' 

You feel much discomfort, your arm it gets sore, 
Of skating and hockey you lose all your share. 
[ 290 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1900 

The boys, 1 should think, would regard it a bore — 
What is it that causes this terrible scare? 

I guess I 've a tip that will help you a bit. 

They 'd worked Dr. Warren as well as could be. 

To do what they did was n't decent or fit. 
It suited their purposes, though, to a T. 

They got him to say it was helpful to skate ; 

The virus, because of the falls and the bumps. 
Would take all the better. He said, though, he 'd hate 

To have them attempt to go through Addyhumps.^*^ 

The doctor is popular, every one knows. 
It 's nice to be given instructions by him. 

Biit here is the risk — what the Rector says goes, 
And I noticed the patients went straight to the 
Gym. 

Webb says that Boyer's sandless if he hasn't kissed 
a girl. 
But what is Webb's own catalogue of crime.'' 
Whitney and Monkey Fay ^^ upon last Thanksgiving 
Day 
Were each kissed by three fair maidens at a time. 

But Boyer loves the ladies at so much per pound of 
weight, 
A hundred and ten pounder is his style ; 
And if the damsel fail at this point to tip the scale. 
He throws a mournful languish of a smile. 
[ 291 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

But tell me^ brother poet, if Sam Crocker has reformed 
Since the Birthday poem labelled him a fusser; 

In the dormitory high have you kept on him an eye? 
Is he better now, or is he growing wusser? 

When the brethren have retired and the lights are 
all put out. 
And Sargent breaks the darkness by his snore. 
And F. Biddle's strange demeanour with his laugh like 
a hyena 
Adds a horror to his neighbours on that floor, 

Then Sam is heard to murmur in the visions of his 
sleep 

One name and many episodes of bliss ; 
So we 're on to his affairs, and he now no longer cares 

To conceal the fatal passion which is his. 

For he cannot read the writing of his fair one's billet- 
doux. 
So he seeks a kindred spirit, Billy Ladd. 
Ladd shows the bright bronze hair he is known to 
always wear 
In a locket next his heart — oh, it is sad. 

So Sam just guzzles candy and thus tries to drown his 
woes. 
But even that small comfort is denied; 
For you see the Master knows with the assistance of 
his nose 
Certain facts that may be taking place inside. 
[ 292 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1900 

"Oh, who is that old gentleman 

Who reads the Christmas tale?" 
Said Gavin Hadden Sunday evening last. 

I really cannot tell a 

Naughty fib — he said "old fella" — 
But I feared the truth might make you stand 
aghast. 

"That's Mr. Peabodee/'i^ 

Rae Rogers cried with glee. 
"He and the Rector look like one another 

So very much that he 

A relative must be. 
The Rector's nephew, or at least his brother." 

But the little Lawrence girl. 

Her brain was in a whirl. 
And without a bit intending to be naughty. 

When Sam Hinckley came to-night 

With a transport of delight. 
She greeted him, "Why hello. Uncle Cottie." 

A new little lady, a new little gent,^^ 

Have come to the School, though they can't read 
or write. 
Do you think they have any idea what is meant 

By the talk of the boys who get up to recite.^ 

Oh, bless you, my friend, they are not here to learn. 
But just to give favours in some jolly way. 

Young Jeff's reputation he yet has to earn. 
But Susan began with a half holiday. 
[ 293 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Miss Susan 's all right, and we hope t' other one. 
When his bearings are got and he knows what is 
called 
Important, will do just as Susan has done. 

Here 's health to young Jeff — niay he never grow 
bald. 

I often give squibs to the Sixth Form H 

On Homer and kindred matters. 
They don't always do them, but nobody cares. 

Their knowledge is made up of smatters. 

One day the three graces appeared in the verse; 

I told them the sweet names of two. 
But could n't remember the third, so I said, 

"1 '11 leave, then, the question to you." 

Now Disgustus Hummingbird ^^ thinks that he knows 

A good deal about the three graces. 
So he hunted with diligence page after page— 

Can you tell what he found in all places.'' 

One name, one name only, confronted his view, 
Though he searched through a mountain of books ; 

Though two graces might differ, yet ever the third 
Rejoiced in the surname of Brooks.^^ 

With a shave of his whiskers and general prink, 

And his charming society smile. 
This third of the graces sits yonder, I think ; 

You could tell 't was a grace half a mile. 

[ 294 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1900 

I 've often been puzzled and never have learned 

Why Richards is growing so stout. 
He sits next to Heaton; I 've thought it might be 

'T is catching, but never found out. 

The question what fills him is simple enough — 
I heard him exclaim last Thanksgiving, 

With one of his well-known poetical bursts, 
"I 'm filled with the pure joy of living." 

Why is n't the School more concerned at the fact 
That meat has gone up in its cost all around? 

It was thought we should feel very bad when we 
heard 
We had to pay more by just five cents a pound. 

Yet nobody seems very worried, for meat 
Is put on the tables the same as before; 

But somehow we cannot compel boys to eat. 

Do they think we '11 go bankrupt in case they take 
more? 

Oh, no, it 's not wholly regard for the School, 

They 're thinking of health and physique, and 
they've heard 
That to grow big and strong they must make it a 
rule 
To give up their meat and their fish — it 's absurd. 

Twelve biscuits a day, that is all that they want; 
The School thinks it's great, for it's cheaper, I 
ween. 

[ 295 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

It 's a sort of sour milk and of sand that they take, 
A wonderful thing. Brother Miles' s Protein. ^^ 

It makes no allowance for study, one sees; 

You walk many miles and play fives, but I wish 
Boys knew that for brains and exams and degrees. 

For things such as those there is nothing like fish. 

Do you understand the language 

Of the dainty summer girl.^ 
Sign language is a thing I 've never learned; 
But a maiden once last summer 

Set my pulses in a whirl. 
She held her left hand out, I felt concerned. 

But though I asked the question of my little friends 
at School, 
What the gesture meant, what token did it hide. 
No one could tell the answer, why, not even Seward 
Webb 
Had known it from his dusky Indian bride. 

Ask Dooney,^^ he can tell you, when a girl her left 
extends. 
And offers you her dainty little fist. 
It means that she is willing just to be the best of 
friends. 
Though Dooney says it means she 's to be kissed. 

" I 've heard of culling grapes from thorns 
And figs upon the thistle, 
[ 296 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1900 

But there 's a Thorn who owns a plant 
More quaint by far," says Kissel.^^ 

Now Latin roots I do not doubt 

He digs when he has leisure. 
But out of all his garden strange 

What plant's his special treasure? 

The tree which flourishes the best 

In his plantation stony, 
Producing fruit three times a week 

Is called the maccaroni. 

One point 's in my mind that I want to suggest 
Of things in the future : and you, famous bard, 

Are wise in those matters, it 's part of your task 
To answer me whether it 's easy or hard. 

This new year that 's coming, how full will it be 
Of victories for Groton — decided ones too? 

Will boys take a brace, and again shall we see 

Some Brown or Dave Hawkins or Harry Markoe ? 

Defeats, my good friend, if they do not last long, 
Are good for the character — steady us all. 

Our Groton 's still Groton, the spirit 's still strong, 
I '11 show you my meaning next spring and next 
fall. 

November the seventh 's a very sad day. 

But the School 's been united, of that we 're agreed, 

[ 297 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And sixteen to nothing 's a cheap price to pay 
If all the boys rally to help the School's need. 

Our prospects have never more fav'rable been. 
We '11 pull all together the boys and the men. 

The captains are fine ones, we surely shall win. 
Here's a rousing good health to both Lydig and 
Ben.i9 

Lloyd Derby is so silent, so mature, and so profound. 
That I fear that something 's happened to the lad. 

What makes him look so glum and rubber listlessly 
around ? 
What is it, brother poet, makes him sad? 

Is it Islesboro he 's thinking of and summer and its 

joy? 

Or has he, do you think, a painful pain? 
Perhaps he does n't like it to be called an older boy. 
It may be Mr. Ayrault could explain. 

Yes, poet, you have hit it, for misled by his mustache 
With the older brethren once he him did mix; 

Beguiled by his appearance, and though maybe it was 
rash. 
He caught him Tuesday night and slapped him six. 

Of Charlie Lawrance I fain would know 

About his automobile. 
Will moonbeams really make it go? 

Or is the whole thing; a steal? 



& 



[ 298 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1900 

For he 's offered me shares, and Ed Corning declares 

That the outfit 's straight, he 's sure. 
He has been down to Ayer, seen the factory there, 

And would buy one if not too poor. 

Not moonbeams, good poet, but wind makes it mote. 

If he wants it to Bubble with ease. 
He '11 just blow on the cornet an ear-splitting note. 

And Sidney will furnish the Breese. 

When autumn rains began to pour 

In buckets on the head. 
The lads of the third twenty-two 

Just broke up ranks and fled. 

Now what to do no player knew 

While storm was raging loud. 
So to the children's play-house straight 

Flew the whole dripping crowd. 

And how to pass the dreary time 

They really could not say. 
Tell me, good poet, what they did, 

To while the hours away. 

Chauncey McCormick undertook 

The throng to entertain. 
He talked until the rafters shook 

And quite drowned out the rain. 

The ladies listened, and they longed 
The cruel storm might pass, 
[ 299 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

But Chauncey talked till darkness came 
And then supplied the gas. 

Oh, Spiggotty Nick ^o is Nature's Child, 
And Baa Lamb ^^ is Nature's Freak — 

Got toothpowder tangled one day in his wool. 
And his hair it was white for a week. 

And Butter- Pat ^^ wishes his teeth were long 
Like Addison Thayer's, for example. 

Just so he could eat till he 'd gobbled enough 
And enlarged his proportions ample. 

But what was Lowell the poet about 

When he dashed off the "Ancient Mariner".? 

I asked Charlie Greenough to tell what he knew 
Anent that eccentric foreigner. 

The question has puzzled the critics' wits. 

But Charlie asserts that Lowell 
Just wanted to show how much he did know. 

And Coleridge did n't write so well. 

'Tis a treatise on birds. "Don't be cruel to pets. 

Especially albatross, 
A creature quite plenty and one which in strolls 

I often have come across." 

Good poet, we are growing just a trifle stale and 
hoarse 
With singing rhymes as year succeeds to year. 
[ 300 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1900 

Perhaps we 'd better stop and give some other folks 
a chance; 
There may be others we might like to hear. 

Oh, yes, there 's bards in bunches, at the table where 
you sit. 

Sweet Singer Larned ^^ sits enwreathed in laurel, 
His soul just brimming over with rich melody and wit; 

He 's the centre of a famous poet's quarrel. 

Jack Peabody and Woolsey and like great poetic souls 

One day a competition held in verse. 
Jack cribbed from Rubaiyat and Woolsey cribbed from 
Scott, 

And Larned said he never had seen worse. 

As to Scott's he said that Woolsey's verse was full of 
bad mistakes, 

While Peabody' s was simply tommy-rot. 
He proceeded then to show how the verses ought to go. 

Well, 'twas very fine indeed — I pity Scott. 

So if ever Mrs. Lawrence wants a better set of rhymes. 
She 's only got to call upon your table ; 

For tragedy or comedy or lyric or romance. 
Or to write a corking sonnet, they are able. 

And Cryder wants to join them for the practice that 
it gives; 
He also wants to be a bard divine 
That he may make a living by inditing Easter cards. 
With here and there a tender valentine. 
[ 301 ] 



NOTES 



1 



Mr. Stu?'gis. 
^ Mr. Ayrault. 
^ Mr. F. Young. 

4 "Bor—Mr. Abbott. 

5 M. S. Hare. 

^ Mr. Grisrvold. 
' Mr. Gushing. 
^ E. Stillman. 
» G. C. W. Low. 

Popular Swedish exercises. 

H. H. Fay, Jr. 

The Rector s father. 

Children of Mr. Sturgis and Mr. Jefferson^ 

Augustus Hemenway, Jr. 

Gorham. 

Mr. Miles' s visit gave rise to a vegetarian fad, 

R. Duane Humphreys. 

W. Thorn Kissel. 
» B. Joy. 
20 J. D. Nichols. 
^^ B. Sturgis. 

22 C. Hodges. 

23 Albert Cecil. 

2* Ogden Cryder. 



[ 302 ] 



BIRTHDAY 
1901 

OH_, listen, my children, and I will tell 
A mournful tale of a summer hotel. 
And the fate of brave Don Nichols.^ 
'T was the night of the annual summer ball, 
And the tables were moved from the dining-hall. 
And gone were the doughnuts and pickles. 

The fiddles were tuned and the band struck up. 
The floor was smooth for this hotel hop. 

And here my tale begins. 
Oh, Spiggotty Nick is Nature's Child, 
His figure is fierce and his eye is wild; 

He 's a dancer from neck to shins. 

That night he 'd bidden a lady fair 

His fate — for that evening at least — to share. 

And her heart went pitty pat. 
She arrived an hour before the dance. 
He had n't appeared, she took in at a glance, 

So waiting she patiently sat. 

She sat for an hour, she sat for two. 
But nary a Nick rejoiced her view. 

At intervals she slept. 
She sat all night till the ball was done, ' 

But Don never came, — that faithless one. 

And the hapless maiden wept. 

[ 303 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

You see, that night the unfortunate Spiggotty 
Was looking so handsome and feehng so biggitty 

That he thought it would do quite well 
If he wore his flannels and no dress suit. 
From his yachting cap to his polished boot 

He was really no end of a swell. 

But the hard-hearted ushers had orders severe, 
They found on the whole his appearance queer; 

So they said with politeness, ^^Nick, 
You're very good looking, but can't come in; 
Without a dress suit you would look like sin. 

So you 'd better clear out of here quick." 

I felt a little nervous lest this annual report 
To some would seem monotonous, to others rather short ; 
And so to set my worn-out mind at rest from its anxiety. 
And also that I might present a little more variety, 
I hired two young authors — Daland Chandler and 

the poet 
J. Hinckley. So where praise is due, kind hearers will 

bestow it. 

Extract the first, by Chandler, is choke-full of wit and 

reason. 
With just a dash of nonsense and with not a little 

treason. 
While Hinckley's work you '11 recognize for its poetic 

flavour; 
The style is light indeed, but then we would n't wish 

it graver. 

[ 304 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1901 

^["Once more the festive day comes round, 
To recollect, each one enjoys. 

That seventeen years ago to-day 

A School decidedly O. K. 
Was organized for boys. 

"And only think if those kind men 
Who met to find out how^ 
To run a School had disagreed 
And let the project go to seed. 
Think wliere we might be now! 

"And as our memories revert 

And fancy wanders free. 
Let us a moment pause to think 
Upon ourselves, the only link 

'Twixt past and times to be. 

"Let us a moment look within. 

And see what is the fun 
Between the Master and the boy. 
To tell the truth what Ot IIoAXot 

Has been and gone and done. 

"But let us for an instant pause, 

A welcoming extending 
To all new-comers with us here. 
To all of them, most hearty cheer. 

And happiness unending. 

"Rumour flits round — as rumours do — 
And tells a tale I'd tell to you, 
About our worthy Rector. 
[ 305 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

In tennis — though he Hkes the game — 
Mixed doubles did he loud disclaim 
And was a great objector. 

"But yet when summer came around, 
It found him on the tennis ground 

In doubles mixed competing; 
And as he played, one well could see 
He and his '^ mixed' did so agree 

That they came near defeating. 

"But sad to say, when they came to 
The finals and were almost through. 

They met with a disaster; 
For though th' opposing ^ mixed' were small. 
They juggled with the tennis-ball. 

And vanquished our Head Master. 
And now I wonder what 's his view 
About mixed doubles; do not you? 

"Beals Wright this summer, so it's told, 
His reputation just could hold 

Against our valiant Snapper ^ ; 
For Snapper played the game so well — 
At least he said he did — 
That Beals before him almost fell, 
P. Pearson is no napper. 

'^Swoboda, for the trifling sum 
Of ten to twenty dollars, 

[ 306 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1901 

Will tell one how to gain in strength, 

If he his dictates ^follers.' 
So Chapin theorizing that 

He 'd like a bigger arm. 
Sat down and to Swoboda wrote 
A practical explaining note. 

Ten dollars — what's the harm? 

"And now if you should chance to meet 

In life's tumultuous hustle, 
A man with calves as large as cows. 
Whose coat no extra room allows. 

It 's Louis and his muscle. 

'^One evening G. Low wished to find 

What chloroform was like. 
And so he got some liniment 
And smelt it. ^What er lovely scent. 

Yes, what er lucky strike!' 
And as he smelt, he zigzagged round. 
And fell at last upon the ground. 

Intoxicated quite. 
Ah, boys, alas, I 'm forced to say 
From Low you 'd better keep away. 

"What were those curious things I saw.-* 
They looked uncommonly like kegs. 
I wondered more and more and more. 
Until I ceased to wonder, for 

I found they were but Perry's * legs."] 

[ 307 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Here Chandler's verses end, my friends, 
Now hearken all to Julian; 

His poem 's not so very long. 
But still it is a bully one. 

5 ["Hubble Bubbles, Rubble Doubles, 
What now troubles Bubbles?® 
Just a horrid wild commotion. 
He has got a sort of notion 

"Something in the cellar 's brewing. 
Mister Lawrence, what are they doing? 
Oh, Bubbles Fry, oh. Bubbles, fie! 

I thought you were a glutton. 
When first I saw you pass the door. 

With pockets stuffed with mutton. 
But now I know it was not so. 

To eat you had no wishes; 
With pin and weight and this for bait 

You meant to catch us fishes. 
You 're very kind, but never mind. 

We always have enough. 
For Friday's meal is all, we feel. 

That we could nicely rough. 
That you are quite a sportsman too, 

There surely is no doubt. 
But there are things you should not do 

When you are catching trout. 

'^ Never employ another boy 
To loudly whack the water, 
[ 308 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1901 

And never use a safety-pin — 
No sportsman ever ought ter. 

"Oh, Bubbles, when the poets' fount 
For squibs is running dry. 
Your deeds come ever bubbUng up 
With ^Did you hear of Fry?' 

*'I fear when comes your dread School bill 
The items will be large. 
For when you ever order things 
You always add, 'Please charge'! 

"Kind Bubbles, I must leave you now. 
My Muse has caught afire. 
For all of yous have heard the news 
That Woden "^'s in the Choir. 

"'Oh, such a voice!' the ladies say. 

'Was ever voice like that? 
So firm, so true.' When he is through — 

Oh, no, he 's never flat. 
We may remark when he is through. 
The organ's sharp a note or two — 

Organic trouble that."] 

® Since those gifted authors now both have been 
heard, 
'Tis high time for "Teacher" to put in a word. 

[ 309 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

There is quiet in the school-room of a sunny afternoon. 
And black mark School 's in progress to the same old 

hum-drum tune. 
Occasionally hornets or mosquitoes flit about. 
Occasionally idle boys are ruthlessly stood out. 
The Rev' rend Mr. B. perchance indulges in a doze. 
And all around him breathes an air of comfort and 

repose ; 

When at the door appears in state, that jewel of our 

nation, 
Chauncey McCormick, leading a Chicago delegation. 
Then Mr. Billings started up and seemed a trifle 

dotty. 
He shouted loud to Malcolm,^ "You are idle, stand 

out, Cottie." 

And when the introductions by McCormick were gone 

through with, 
Mr. Billings had more manners than he quite knew 

what to do with. 
And so with words of welcome, highly polished and 

most fancy. 
The embarrassed Rev' rend gentleman bowed and 

shook hands with — Chauncey. 

I was not a little shocked one day. 

On visiting the village. 
Where all the famous candy shops 

Submit so oft to pillage, 

C 310 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1901 

On entering the famous shop 

Where good things are dispensed, 

To see MacDonald ^^ and to hear 
A speech I give condensed: 

"Good Mr. Bruce, no sweets to-day, 

I 've come to your bazaar. 
And wish that you would give me your 

Cheapest one cent cigar." 

A land office business is run as I hear 
By no less a person than Charhe Lanier, 

With houses to let and to sell; 
Four dollars a season for huts is his charge. 
With taxes thrown in for a den not so large. 

And likewise he runs a hotel. 

Fred Burnham was lazy, he could n't be bored 
By the labour of building when he could afford 

To purchase a palace complete; 
So a handsome well-furnished apartment he hires, 
Far down in my woods into which he retires. 

When his one great desire is to eat. 

Oh, mirror, mirror on the wall. 
Who is the fairest of us all.^ 
Can it be Larned,^^ whose soft heart 
Is caused with anguish sore to smart. 
When he an ancient lady wrecks. 
Such his devotion to the sex? 

[ 311 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

In grief he took him to his bed. 
Where one fair damsel fanned his head; 
Two others held his burning hands^ 
While Bertie murmured in a trance. 
As anxiously the dear ones stood, 
"You girls have done me heaps of good." 

"Nay," says Thorn Kissel, '4t is clear 
Our true Napoleon Belvidere 
Can be none else than Billy Ladd, 
And some experience he 's had." 

For instance. Rose, the other day. 
Punched Kissel's head in roughish play. 
When on his neck he 'd sought repose — 
There is no Thorn without its Rose.^^ 

"Such treatment I cannot permit. 
Familiarity unfit; 
I only wish such actions tender 
From persons of the other gender.'* 

He 's rather handsome, too, himself. 
Is Thorny Kissel, that weird elf. 
Though his mustache is somewhat slow. 
In fact, well-nigh declines to grow. 

It really should be let alone. 
Examined through a megaphone; 
No wonder, on his lip quite bare 
He can't discern a single hair. 
[ 312 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1901 

We think that Ogden Cryder, too, 

Must be in looks surpassed by few. 

On entering the other day 

The room where he does work — and play. 

His friends aver that he was found 
Whistling and waltzing round and round. 
Thinking of happy scenes last summer 
When Islesb'ro' found him such a hummer. 
And every time he by did pass. 
He 'd gaze enraptured at the glass. 

There once was a boy from Buffalo town ^^ 

Escaped from the Midway there. 
He had looped the loop and had flipped the flap 

At the great Pan-American Fair. 

They sent him away from Buffalo town 

As a marvellous curiosity; 
He got a hundred in Greek last year. 

And shows other signs of precocity. 

His name is Ann, though he '11 soon be a man, 

-Sley Wilcox Sawyer in full. 
And to tell you the truth, he 's the cleanliest youth 

Ever heard of in Groton School. 

For he took a hot bath upon Saturday night. 

And no matter how hard he tried. 
He might rub and scrub till he 'd busted the tub, 

He could n't be satisfied. 
[ 318 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

He gave it up in despair at last, 
"There's dirt enough here to dig, 

And there 's no use trying/' said he, "to wash. 
This water is on the pig." 

I once heard a rumpus in front of the house 
And crept out to see it as still as a mouse. 
And there I beheld, full of beauty and grace. 
The Peabody kids in a three-legged race. 

When Lydig ^* was sent by the Rector to stop it. 
Said he, "Dearest ladies, I beg you to drop it." 
"Who told you to tell us.^" the ladies replied. 
"'Twas the Rector himself," Lydig said with some 

pride. 
"Oh, ho, pooh, pooh, pooh! Only he!" they exclaim. 
And with perfect composure continue the game. 

I grieve to state, in the School of late 

Fine dressing 's the thing to do. 
Freddie Schenck has selected for underwear 

A beautiful suiting of blue. 
And Shepley's pijamas are perfect charmers. 

The rainbow is pale beside 'em. 
And Jack Peabody' s stocking is simply shocking. 

And his shirts, you might think he 'd dyed 'em. 

But when one so staid as that dear old maid, 
Warren Robbins, affects such a fashion 

As real fish netting for shirts, we 're getting 
A regular Bowery dash on. 

[ 314 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1901 

And Potsey ^^ declares that two colours in hairs 
Are the thing for Beau Brummels to-day, 

So he 's died half his tow to a golden glow 
In a truly delectable way. 

But really the line must be drawn at some spot, 
The remarkable costume of Clam ! ^^ 

Not how he was rigged up, but how he was not, 
When he dashed from the Gym with a slam ! 

Ah, me, it was a sorry sight. 

On Monday evening last. 
To see poor Grosvenor ^^ quit the room 

With blood down streaming fast. 

He held his pocket handkerchief 

To hide his painful woes 
Up to his face — we thought the gore 

Was coming from his nose. 

But no, it seems some friend in play 
Had squeezed on Grosvenor' s head 

His sponge in lavatory sport — 

That 's why the stream looked red. 

The annual custom and wisdom forbids 

That from these, my brief lines, I should leave out the 

kids. 
Although opportunities always are few 
To make their acquaintance and jump on them too. 

[ 315 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

The kids take no Greek till they've turned into goats. 
And when I make rhymes on what some one else 

quotes, 
I mix up the nicknames and get things all twisted, 
And sometimes describe things that never existed. 

And since I don't teach them for three or four years. 
The one way to get at the curves of the dears 
Is to ask them to tea or to google on Sunday, 
And so I '11 begin with what happened on one day. 

To roast a kid take my receipt. 
Select one of the softest meat. 

And put him on to Fry.^^ 
You '11 be rewarded for your trouble 
When he begins to seethe and Bubble 

And sputter by and by. 

I longed amid the group of quaint 'uns 
To make this Bubble Fry's acquaintance. 

So asked him once to tea. 
' T was Sunday, so with hesitation 
He asked if on this great occasion 

A Bible needed he. 

There 's a kid with a name that suggests strong drink. 

And his other name is Gray ^^ ; 
You never can tell what this kid may think. 

Nor what game he is going to play. 

The place he selects on the first eleven 
Is short stop he avers. 

[ 316 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1901 

And second bass (in the Choir, not the nine) 
Is the post which he prefers. 

You see since the basses sit in front. 

And since he's so handsome — this Whiskey, 

He 'd Uke to be seen in the front row, too. 
Unless the experiment 's risky. 

But, alas, Mr. Nichols has vetoed his plans 
And assigned him a humble position, 

Where he only may sit with enfolded hands. 
On the benches of Prohibition.^*^ 

I sometimes gaze upon these kids 

With trembling agitation; 
Hog piles and rapid transit games 

Fill me with trepidation. 

The other day a yelling horde, 

Gus Gray was at their head. 
Rushed in pursuit across the sward. 

And Wetmore saw and fled. 

They had a game wherein they 'd drag 

Timmins or Turkey Lum Tum ^^ 
Or Boit like lightning o'er the grass. 

And then sit on his tum tum. 

There is smiling Billy Prescott 

Amid these fearful scenes. 
His cunning little waistcoat 

Swelled out by countless beans. 
[ 317 ] 



GllOTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Three helps he made away with. 

And then regretted sore 
His distended shirt too tight with dessert 

Would n't let him accommodate four. 



Which reminds me of Harold Stokes, 
Who 's never left out of these jokes. 
The butter that 's raised on his famous estates 
Is the best in the world as himself relates. 

And so is the.maccaroni. 
He burst into tears one day. 
For he 's had to come away. 
He was getting so stout that his anxious nurse 
Feared seven more helps might but make him worse 

And refused them with countenance stony. 

But ere I return to my muttons, 

A place on the list of gluttons 

Is reserved for Prince — Skinny Prince,^^ I mean, 

Who gobbles and gobbles and still stays lean, 

'Tis the fault of a poor digestion. 
For he gobbles and guzzles and gorges. 
And indulges in sugar sauce orgies ; 
But in spite of all that he don't seem to get fat, 
I wonder what can be the reason of that. 

Miss Burnett ^^ might answer the question. 

I fain would these moments of laughter prolong 
And add lots of things to this annual song. 
To tell of the look that Ting 2* wears on his face, 
'T is quite a pathetic and stony stare case. 

[ 318 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1901 

And how Puggy Osborn ^^ pursues his pug nose ; 
The pug will turn tiger some day if he grows. 
To sing Stewart's ^^ fame and the raft that he made, 
But would n't sail on it_, 't would sink he 's afraid. 

I fain would repeat how my heart was made warm 
When Jauchincloss ^^ ventured to join the Sixth Form. 
And sweetly the music resounds in mine ears 
When at matches he steps forth and leads the School 
cheers. 

I 'd like to inform you how Seward Webb spells 
An automobile, with three o's, e's and I's. 
And talking of spelling, a place in my song 
Should be found for C. Burden's R-n-g-e wrong. 

To tell of R. Hooper's remarkable trail 
Over oceans untrod and dry land without sail. 
How a syndicate 's started among the big brothers 
Of Burden and Hooper and Low and the others: 

Each chips in a quarter when black marks are scored 
And a dinner at Christmas will be the reward. 
How during a football game list'ning to Luce, 
I found he was singing, and pleads for excuse; 

Though strange things he does and mistakes by the 

dozen. 
He's really a peach ; Grinsome Dan ^^ is his cousin. 
Who always stands up against George West's abuse, 
And 's no end of a comfort to woebegone Luce. 

[ 319 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Although I confess, that perpetual grinner 

Is sometimes, I fear me, a treacherous sinner. 

He 's given away how his cousin, that peach. 

Has prepared for to-night a long typewritten speech. 

I 'd also relate a whole lot of mistakes, 

Though some may be true, they are most of them 

fakes. 
How Cutting — Suydam thought the place to keep 

meat 
Was a refrigerator because of the heat. 

How good Mr. B. said, "The longer the task 
The more time to waste," and how Prescott did ask 
If portly John Richards was really a Master. 
Since then John looks proud and but waddles the 
faster. 

How Twombly thinks helmets and long padded 

knickers 
Are only for captains and no other kickers. 
And thought Mr. Abbott a cross, fat old man. 
While F. Prince thought eye teeth from the forehead 

began. 

I also a moment would crave to explain 
How Newbold used soap for a pain in a vein. 
How young Pearson was found all alone in a bog. 
Sadly singing about the expiring frog. 

How P. D. ^^ got sent out to our grief and surprise 
Because he and C. Burden would make googoo eyes. 

[ 320 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1901 

To tell of the picture in Bunny's ^® watch-case^ 
And the toothpowder Stewart employs on his face. 

How Farr tried to charm a fair maiden out boating 
By singing — that lady must sure have been doting. 
Although Mr. Gladwin indulges in song, 
I would quote what he says, but it 's rather too long. 

One song's about Tubby and sit on the sofa, — 
Oh, not Tubby Thayer, I don't mean that young 

loafer, — 
And one which has set all our thoughts in a whirl. 
Goes thus, "Oh, my Pearl is my only best girl." 

B. Sturgis grows musical when he hears that. 

And says, "Let me have women about that are fat." 

But really I 'm just about tired to death 

And simply have not left an atom of breath. 

So here I must finish and down I must sit. 

If you have n't been mentioned this time, you are It. 



[ 321 ] 



NOTES 



J. D. Nichols — "Natures Child "—"Spiggotty Nick." 
Part of poem hy H. D. Chandler. 



^ Pennington Pearson. 
^ Perm Heaton. 

5 
6 



3rry 



Julian Hinckley s part. 

John Fry. 
7 Mr. Woods. 
^ W. A. G. resumes. 
» M. Peabody. 
« G. MacDonald. 
^ Bartie. 

Thorn Kissel and Selden Rose. 

Ansley TV. Sawyer. 

Lydig Hoyt. 

Horvard Potter of the Sunburnt Torv head. 

Leander Plummer. 

W. Grosvenor. 

John Fry— "Bubbles." 

Gray Zabriskie — " Whiskey." 

20 ''Probationers." 

21 A. Low. 

2^ Morton Prince. 

2^ Infirmary Nurse. 

2* F. Cutting. 

2^ Fairfield Osborn aimed for Princeton. 

26 W. R Stcjvart, Jr. 

2'^ J. Auchincloss. 

2^ Daniel Davis. 

2^ Paul Draper. 

^^ Henry Watson. 

[ 322 ] 



CHRISTMAS 

1901 

Well, Oracle dear, we are at it again. 

For seventeen years we have done it before; 
Supposing we say we will come to an end 

When poems we 've written just seventeen more. 

Though no, we '11 not stop, for the School won't permit. 
Because Mrs. Lawrence has made such a threat. 

That she will not sing if we let up a bit, 
I guess we '11 keep going a longish time yet. 

It 's holiday time, and the boys we have made 
To give up their work for a fortnight or so. 

'Twas hard to persuade them that they'd be repaid 
If studies and books to the wind they would throw. 

They 've yielded, however; they 're off as we thought 
For home and their fathers and mothers so dear. 

To celebrate Christmas as every one ought. 
The festival, gladdest of all the whole year. 

Wilt tell me what's happened to football of late? 

The boys used to talk of a vict'ry with pride. 
It 's such a good sport that one surely would hate 

To think that a love for the game had quite died. 

The School in the past has n't ever been quite 
So proud of its nine as its ball-kicking band. 

Though both sets of players put up a good fight, 
A diamond 's fine, but a gridiron 's grand. 
[ 323 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

You never could come to our Groton before 

Without hearing much about rushes and tricks. 

They 'd ask if you knew of some wonderful score, 
A forty-six ought, or eleven to six. 

But things have been quiet for one or two years. 
The boys have n't wanted to say very much. 

Perhaps they 've been waiting, from all that one hears, 
To get the St. Markers again in their clutch. 

Our season just over has been very nice. 
And everything 's easily now understood. 

The boys have n't talked, but have been cutting ice. 
And Lydig 's been quietly sawing his wood. 

We 'spec ted our team was a-going to be fine. 
For Lou^ was a terror and Don^ wasn't slow. 

We 'd Drexel ^ and Nathan * both up in the line. 
And out at the end was our stalwart Greenough.^ 

There were Quickety Sam ^ and our Biggoty Bayard,' 
And a very good Link ^ in the line, so it looks. 

The enemy shortly began to get tired, 

AndDiggy ^ discovered a speedway through Brooks. 

But ain't it been fun to see Spiggotty ^® run 

When our plucky young quarter-back ^^ gave him 
the ball.? 

The blocking, we know, has been very well done. 
The speed of the back has n't counted for all. 

[ 324 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1901 

Still ain't it been fun to see Spiggotty run, 

To stand and just watch him encircle the end? 

We 're glad to have had him in games that we 've won, 
We 're proud such a runner to college to send. 

November the sixth was a harassing day. 

Upon it were centred our hopes and our fears. 

We were a bit worried, we may as well say. 
We 'd waited to win fully two weary years. 

When Dillwyn ^^ ran in for his sixty-five yards 
And others went over the line, we could be 

Quite easy in mind ; we 'd a theme for us bards, 
That score of a zero to just twenty- three. 

And Lydig, my boy, you 've a right to be proud 
Of the game that we played in your year, for it ranks 

As one of the greatest of all of the crowd. 

To you and your team, Groton's heartiest thanks. 

And now that we 've struck as before the right gait. 
We '11 win again soon just as sure as you 're born; 

We 're five games ahead, but till next autumn wait, 
We guess 't will be six, it is up to our Shaun.^^ 

We 're even in baseball, alas and alack ! 

We hope, though, the record to change pretty quick. 
Here 's luck to you, Charlie,^ to you and your Quack,^^ 

We believe you together '11 accomplish the trick. ^^ 

[ 325 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Are you still a-sitting there, 
Mrs. Thayer, Mrs. Thayer ;^^ 

Are you still a-sitting there, dearest lady.'* 
For we heard you did declare 
That you really could n't bear 

To sit upon your chair, dearest lady. 

Well, you said yourself, you know. 

About half an hour ago 

That you thought your former School 

Would be acting like a fool 

If they don't sing hallelujah. 

So here 's a welcome to yer. 

And we 're jolly glad to see yer. 
And your husband too, how be yer? 
And we hate to give you pain. 
But next year we '11 try again. ^^ 

I hear that Mr. Griswold has his limit reached at last. 
His wonderful endurance is a legend of the past. 
We always thought he never could be conquered by 

fatigue. 
He could play a dozen football games and run a hun- 
dred league. 
But I must ask you to reveal, oh, famous puzzle guesser. 
What do you think has downed at last the wonder- 
thewed professor .»* 

He held a recitation for two youths of the Sixth Form 
Who don't take Grk., but then at Math, they think 
they 're rather warm. 

[ 326 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1901 

They drooled along so peacefully with figures on the 

board 
That poor Professor Griswold gave it up and loudly 

snored. 

They turned to him to ask him to elucidate some point, 
Their ideas of trigonometry were somewhat out of 

joint. 
But what no labours could subdue, no hardship bring 

to pass. 
Had happened — Mr. Griswold was exhausted by his 

class. 

Oh, what do you think is the matter with Paul? ^ 
He seems to my eyes quite sufficiently tall; 
In fact, I admire a height that 's no bigger. 
But something or other is wrong with his figure. 

A classmate of his tried to answer the question. 
And offered what seemed quite a happy suggestion. 
'T would fill, he is certain, a want deeply felt, 
If Drexel would try an obesity belt. 

And talking of belts at this holiday time. 
Good Oracle, can't you suggest for my rhyme 
Some other, perhaps, who his belt has worn out. 
Bust through by old age, for this person 's not stout? 

Although if you offered ten dollars, he said, 
He could not bring his foot an inch nearer his head. 
When upon his great instep he 'd fain plant a kiss. 
He's easy, good Oracle, guess who is this? 

[ 827 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Frank Sargent, who knocked on the pane till it 

smashed 
To signal a maiden on whom he is mashed. 
Would answer requirements, so I should say 
His belt he has worn till it 's nigh given away. 

And as to the reason his two ends don't meet. 
It 's partly because of the size of his feet; 
Though Hoppin could give him some pointers on size, 
At home on the farm I 've observed with surprise. 

His slippers he uses as box stalls at night, 

And his boots for dog kennels, though somewhat too 

tight. 
He 's wondered and wondered why never a word 
About him in these rhymes for four years has been 

heard. 

And then it was only to say he was fresh. 
And though he is now a huge column of flesh. 
That he 's turned very salt I 'd be hard to convince. 
Though I 'd hate to aver he 's been fresh ever since. 

Oh, what is the matter with Perry ^^ the fat? 

He seems very shy as he awkwardly stands, 
As though he 's not positive where he is at. 

His pockets are always full up with his hands. 

It cannot be true he 's afraid of the cold. 

For I know that quite lately we had a hot day. 

And yet Perry's hands were concealed, I am told. 
As on to the chapel he wended his way. 
[ 328 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1901 

Ah, Perry, in future you '11 learn to take care 

Above other things in what way you are dressed. 

Especially henceforth I guess you '11 beware 
Of the danger attached to a long undervest. 

It's tempting, now ain't it, to pull down the sleeves 
And tie them quite tightly right over your palms? 

So Perry will wear from now on, he believes, 
A bodice arrangement without any arms. 

The mails have been crowded of late 
With letters and parcels in bunches. 

With ointments in packets ornate, 
And all sorts of little free lunches. 

Nose wash, Mellin's Food, and Wheatine, 
And wonderful costly cosmetics, 

With soap of an exquisite green. 
And treatises long on aesthetics, 

'Twas all to the selfsame address, 

Albertus Caecilius Larned. 
The sender's name doubtless you guess. 

And also why Barty said "Darn it." 

The truth is, last summer his nose 

Had struck with amazement the ladies; 

Its colour resembled the rose. 

When richest and deepest its shade is. 

And so in the greatest alarm 

They sent a round robin to Keely, 
[ 829 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

The gold cure man, begging some charm, 
For Barty appeared to be wheely. 

The Keely Cure people in haste 
Sent samples and minute direction. 

Saying, Barty had no time to waste 
If he wanted to save his complexion. 

A Bantam 's a kind of a chicken I 'm told. 

Perhaps, then, you '11 tell us why Banty ^ 
Has got such a nickname, oh, Oracle old. 

Can he give you a reason, or can't he? 

Oh, Shoot, I must ti-ie my ti-i-ie tighter 
And my pa-a-ace I must qui-icken. 

Or I shall be la-ate and find on my pla-ate 
No ro-oast du-uck or chi-icken. 

What's this that I hear about Baker,^^ his heart? 

Affected they say, but I don't know quite how. 
He looks very well and perhaps a great part 

Of the trouble he had is all over by now. 

A very queer symptom, however, it is. 

That his heart is so well in the spring and the fall ; 
But winter 'pears always to make it to friz. 

The thing does n't seem to be beating at all. 

It 's what Groton knows as an Addihump ^^ heart, 
A local disease quite confined to the School. 

The doctor admits it defies all his art. 

The medical books for its cure have no rule. 

[ ^330 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1901 

Now Leonard runs hard at his baseball and such, 
And his heart does n't budge at his leaps and his 
jumps. 

But it palpitates awful, you don't know how much 
If he hears the bare sound of the word addihumps. 

Can you throw any light, oh, Oracle bright. 

On Boyer's perplexing distress? 
He wishes to know what way he should go 

To attain the degree A.S.S.? 

He's heard of A.B.'s and such like degrees, 
A.M., B.A.D., P.P.Q.; 

But he said he did guess that a plain A.S.S. 
For him would assuredly do. 

He must study up chimes and the number of times 

Some forty-two thousand they tell. 
You ring changes with eight and he '11 then calculate 

Five thousand that makes on one bell. 

J. Whitney may talk of baked beans made of pork, 
Dormy ^^ learns how to make grapes of currants, 

Clifford 2^ knows sundry lore of the late Spanish War 
And many a wondrous occurrence. 

How Dewey commanded at Salamis fight. 

And Sarac had marvellous legs. 
And Appleton states that he Latin translates 

Flirtatiously — hear him, he begs. 

[ 331 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

While Potsey ^^ declares that one dances a jig 
In New York at this holiday season, 

In a path zig a zag he pronounces zig zig. 
And is simply not open to reason. 

Mr. Nichols has claimed — for concerning the Ark 
He 's a trifle unsound in his knowledge — 

Not Moses, but Jack, he would like to remark. 
Was head of that animal college. 

Oh, yes, A.S.S. is too easy I guess, 

A duffer could earn the degree; 
But as Sibley last week, a propos of his Greek, 

Said, "Thanks, that's enough quite for me." 

Little Mrs. Ayleshine,^^ sitting in the sun. 
Eating-time approaches, lesson-time is done. 
Little Pig they call him, young Augustus Low, 
Tell me, gentle partner, why they name him so. 

'Tis a reason funny — he one day of late 
Had a lot of honey in a liquid state ; 
Thinking he would like it formed within a mould 
To a shape artistic when it had grown cold 
Nought so much admiring as his shapely foot 
Poured the loathsome mixture in his rubber boot. 

Wilt tell me, oh, poet, what Watson ^^ has done 
To change his appearance so much that you know 

Boys hardly persuade themselves he 's the same one 
They used to know perfectly well long ago.^* 
[ 332 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1901 

There's something gone wrong with his face I am 
sure, 

A whiter and much older look has appeared. 
Perhaps he is trying to seem more mature, 

I don't think he 's ill, as at first we all feared. 

Why, Bunny 's becoming a grown-up young man. 
And is so much afraid he '11 be lost in the push 

Of little boys still, which he cannot now stand. 
He 's settled the matter by shaving his moosh. 

Oh, tell me, worthy poet, how 
When Dicky ^^ birds do make a row, 
How can a Master spot a lark 
When lights are out and all is dark? 

When all is dark and lights are out 
The wary Master prowls about; 
Each cubicle which he suspects, 
He visits and at last detects 

The culprit who his crime conceals. 
Each face with fingers light he feels; 
Jim Auchincloss in fashion weird 
Was spotted by his bristly beard. 

And thus this Dicky bird was caught 
For doing what he had n't ought. 
Beware the fate of unshorn men. 
'T was not a lark — 'twas just the Hen. 

[ 333 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Minnow ^^ remarks we greatly err 
Speaking of folks as him or her, 

And on our grammar sits. 
To illustrate — with gentle gaze 
He cries as he the class surveys, 

" This room is full of Its." 

You see, poor Minnow 's slightly dotty. 
Last week in a discussion knotty, 

A lunatic he talked to. 
Who offered him financial aid. 
And then a moral lecture made. 

While going to New York, too. 

Lloyd Derby oft heard sounds the queerest 
When Minnow was his neighbour nearest, 

In Brooks House dormitory. 
But 't was the wind, that sound of groaning. 
Through his unshaven whiskers moaning, — 

But that 's another story. 

Are Butsey's^'^ new slippers some very queer sort? 

Or why do the boys talk about them so much ? 
I can't understand how his friends ever ought 

To say, as is said, that they quite beat the Dutch. 

In Utica city they know what is what; 

The fashions are right, for no farmers are there. 
The young men are known by their coat's swagger 
cut 
And the way that they dress with such scrupulous 

care. 

[ 834 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1901 

Oh J Butsey is shrewd ; they 've advantages great 
In sHppers hke his cushion-made on a last. 

They go of themselves, and they 're very light weight, 
No schoolmaster hears you slip quietly past. 

Another fine thing is, they point the right way; 

A Uttle bit out, it is clever and neat. 
I know if you saw him in them you would say 

That they were intended to suit Sheeny feet. 

When Skinny Prince ^^ takes walks abroad 

All in his Sunday best. 
When brightly shines the golden sun 

A-sinking in the west, 

Why do the children laugh and play 

To see that portly feller. 
Though Zephyr's pushed the clouds away. 

Sporting an umberella.'* 

It must be that he thinks he is 

His beauty much adorning. 
Or else to emphasize the fact 

'T was raining in the morning. 

Of all the useful dishes. 

Corned beef, hash croquettes, and fishes. 
Which so often grace the School's so bounteous board. 

Which dish rare and expensive 

Finds a use the most extensive 
And which dish does most nourishment afford.-* 

[ 335 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Is it goat or cream tonsorial 

Of date bygone immemorial ? 
Is it beefsteak, is it salmon, is it trout? 

Babies' skulls, or cake pagodas, 

Rubber necks or muzzle loaders? 
Good poet, tell me, I would fain find out. 

You '11 be startled when you know it. 

Oh, my worthy brother poet. 
The dish that is most often on the table 

Is n't fish and is n't mutton 

Served most often to the glutton. 
But it 's Turkey! Swallow that if you are able. 

It appears itself on Sunday, 

Then as hash-on-toast on Monday, 
Then as fricassee on Tuesday or ^^ What is It?" 

Wednesday's supper 's pie called "What Luck?' 

Thursday morning it is "Pot Luck," 
And as Sat'd'y's soup it makes its final visit. 

Oh, now can you tell me about a good gag? 

Mr. Cutting, I think, is the one it concerned; 
A joke, I suppose, that was made by some wag, 

But why did the boys shout so loud, have you 
learned? 

I know he was making a very fine speech 

To a class in the school-room engaged at their 
books. 
He seemed very earnest, appealing to each 
Without much effect I should say, so it looks. 
[ 336 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1901 

The speech, I am told, was considered all right, 
The substance and wit both pronounced very fair. 

At the end of it all, though, he had a bad fright. 
He found that the class he addressed was n't there. 

What a funny boy you are, 

Dilly Starr, Dilly Starr, 
Have you literary turned all at once? 

You ought to see the pleasure he 

Takes in the Golden Treasury, 
In poetry I tell you he's no dunce. 

You see there is a poem, 

Dilly Starr, Dilly Starr, 
To a young and lovely lady 't is addressed. 

There 's an H and there 's an R, 

Dilly Starr, Dilly Starr, 
And the bretheren will please supply the rest. 

So accustomed as you are, 

Dilly Starr, Dilly Starr, 
On the first nine and eleven bench to sit; 

Athletics are no bar, 

Dilly Starr, Dilly Starr, 
To Cupid's shafts which surely have you hit. 

Oh, what is the matter, good poet, with Plum.?^^ 
Leander is mournful, Leander is glum. 
It cannot be marks, or at least I think not. 
For a pull with the Rector he says he has got. 

[ 337 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And yet he is sad, though he 's not in disgrace. 
His voice grows more mournful and deeper his bass. 
And instead of his lightsome and frivolous manner. 
His joy is all gone; what 's the matter with Hannah.'' 

Ah, well, it 's a long and remarkable story. 

For football is over and with it his glory. 

"His glory," says Plummer, "is now all departed." 

And Plummer, of course, is well-nigh broken-hearted. 

Good Oracle, here is another strange history. 
When with his fianzy one day the good Mr. E. 
Sturgis was doing the rounds of the School, 
They found Gammell engaged with a sharp-edged tool. 

The sharp-edged tool seemed to cause him some fright. 
For half of his countenance seemed to be white. 
And in fear and confusion he fleeted away; 
What was going on, brother poet, oh, say? 

He got a queer notion that all older boys 
Used razors and strops and such masculine joys; 
So from pure imitation an hour he gave 
To enjoy the sensation of having a shave. 

A word of thanks and then we 've done, 
And ho! for holidays and fun. 
To our dear hostess and our host 
And all the family, this toast: 

"A Merry Christmas, Homestead dear. 
And many a bright and glad New Year." 

[ 838 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1901 

And now good-bye to all the School, 
And may you ever keep the rule — 
Where'er you go, whate'er your parts. 
That you keep Christmas in your hearts. 



[ 339 ] 



NOTES 

* Louis Starr, Jr. 
2 J. D. Nichols. 

^ A. J. Drexel Paul. 

* N. Emmons. 

^ C. P. Greenough. 
« S. E. M. Crocker. 
^ B. C. Hoppin. 
^ C. L. Waterbury. 
^ Captain L. Hoyt. 

J. D. Nichols. 

1 D. Starr. 

2 Shaun Kelly elected Captain, but succeeded by Woolsey, 
as he left School. 
Dr. Woods. 

Groton 5 — St, Maries 3. 

Of St. Mark's — formerly, originally, and forever of 
Groton. 

« Groton 36— St. Mark's 0. 

Perry Heaton. 

L. Baker. 
^ Calisthenics. 
^^ Foster. 

21 R. Clifford. 

22 H. Potter. 
2^ A. Low. 

2* Henry Watson. 

2^ Dwellers in Mr. Richards' s dormitory. 

26 S W. Fish. 

27 G. Butler. 
2^ M. Prince. 

2^ L. A. Plummer. 



[ 340 ] 



BIRTHDAY 

1902 

ON coming back to School this year. 
The sight that struck my eye 
Was the gymnasium's lofty roof 
Careering up on high. 

And when 1 swept my gaze around. 
The sound that struck my ear 

Was all about a Cottage ^ — mind you 
Call it that — you hear. 

I saw a pretty building 

All complete from floor to Garret.^ 
But some reflections crossed my mind 

Which I proceed to narrate. 

It looks like an asylum. 

Or a pest-house or a prison. 

This newest of the palaces 
That lately have arisen. 

But whether it be old or new. 
It does n't matter what age. 

It does n't look one little bit 
Like my idea of Cottage. 

It stands there as a pendant 

To my own — how shall I name it-f* — 
My squash-court or my swimming-tank, 

Or what you shall proclaim it. 
[ 341 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

So I suggest the course as best. 
To name the newest treasure — 

The Dome of Pain in contrast to 
The famous Dome of Pleasure. 

The doings down at Ipswich town 

And also at Magnolia 
Have been a little singular — 

Has anybody told yer 

How Charlie Apple ton a maid — 
He thought he was in clover — 

Took out to drive and straightway dumped 
That hapless lady over ? 

How Freddy ^ had his face massaged 

Each day by a trained nurse, 
While Norman * entertained her. 

And poor Fred grew worse and worse? 

And Norman's photograph appeared 

In autobubble Journal; 
The youngest bubblist in the land? — 

The portrait was infernal. 

He dashes frantic through the town, 

Destruction in his wake. 
He nearly knocked a depot down. 

He could n't reach the brake. 

While looking on the sad sea waves 
And gazing at the moon, 
[ 342 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1902 

Sam Crocker — here I pause — but look 
For an announcement soon. 



There was a young man of renown, 
The oddest that e'er struck the town. 
He 's never on time, and all manner of crime 
Is charged to the credit of Brown.^ 

His black marks amounted to twenty, 
With latenesses more than a plenty. 
To serve them all off like the Black Death or Cough, 
In perfect health up to bed went he. 

When told by his comrades one day 
Of a squib on him. Brown in dismay. 
Thinking squibs must be slugs or some new kind of 
bugs. 
Tried to rub or to scratch it away. 

There once was a fellow named Rives,^ 
A poet — or so he believes. 
Imagine my bliss when he handed me this 
He 's jotted down on some stray leaves. 

Oh, there once was a fellow named Rives 
Was seized with a fit of the heaves. 
He was making a speech and his speech was a peach, 
And he's thirteen years old — he believes. 

But a poet is hardly to blame 
If he cannot recall his own name. 
[ 343 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And as to his years, it don't matter_, my dears. 
He is good at his books just the same. 

The Dormouse "^ and the Potter 
Have done what they had n't oughter. 
And terrible the consequence 
Of what they have committed. 

Imagine, pray, their feehng. 

No prospect of conceaUng 

Their crime — I think their state of mind 

Was really to be pitied. 

One day to a physician 

In the city they 'd a mission. 

And whether 't was some drug he gave. 

The reason is concealed. 

But they fell into a trance, sir. 

And 'tis still without an answer 

How they woke and lo, they found themselves 

On famous Soldiers' Field. 

Of course, with trepidation 
They rushed off to the station. 
But oh, the horror when they found 
The engine would n't stop. 

They tried to tell the story 
Through the telephone — but gory! 
They were faint with fears, unhappy dears. 
And ready nigh to drop. 
[ 344 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1902 

Dormy gasped and Potsey stammered, 
Though he tore his hair and yammered, 
And at last the dreadful story 
Trickled out by slow degrees. 

Since then they 're sorely humbled. 
From their high position tumbled 
To the youngest kids, and Potter 
Wishes some one would — oh, please — 

Sign this order blank surprising 
He has filled out, authorizing 
Any one in all the School to buy 
And send him in the bill 

For a dollar and a quarter. 

One much damaged, H. C. Potter; 

And Dormy is a door-mat 

To be trampled on at will. 

I looked at a football match some weeks ago 

And wondered why Woolsey ^ was running so slow. 

His usual game 's like a shot to a bullseye. 

But something or other had happened to Woolsey. 

The cause of the trouble I quickly inquired. 

B. Crocker replied he had merely transpired 

Through stocking and jersey, through shin-guard and 

panty. 
But most of us thought his apparel was scanty. 

The nightmare has been loose of late 
Throughout the sleeping quarters. 
[ 345 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Boys' heads are full of Newport girls. 
Bar Harbour's lovely daughters. 

Or Islesboro's enchanting dames. 

Or less delightful themes. 
And beauteous thoughts of other sorts 

Have occupied their dreams. 

Pea Shooter ^ babbles in his sleep. 

And Newbold's shrieks would freeze yer. 

Kermit ^^ replies with eloquence. 
And Larned has a seizure. 

He says his lady fair 's still nice. 

While Hammy ^^ in the dark 
Thinks of his Saratoga girl. 

And — moonstruck — 'gins to bark. 

Burnham has happy dreams and laughs. 

And Robbins only moans; 
While Tilney of some letter talks. 

And Sarah Derby ^^ groans. 

While Teddy Roosevelt merely sighs 

And thinks of lovely cousins, 
"Long Island has good food, good studs. 

And maidens good by dozens." 

"Oh, mother dear, bring on the beer," 

Cries Stevey ^^ with a shout ; 
He thinks he 's singing — others think 

There 's dynamite about. 

[ 346 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1902 

Frank Sargent dreams he 's in a race 

With ladies five competer. 
They all sail by. "Well, let them win/' 

Quoth he, "'tis so much sweeter." 

But worse than all these nightmares far, 

Poor Minnow ^* had a vision 
About St. Mark's the other nighty 

And of a dread collision. 

On came his foe with horrid leap. 
Clutched at the whisker streaming. 

That grows from Minnow's beauty spot. 
And Minnow woke up, screaming. 

The coal strike is causing a terrible moan. 

But much the most luckless was poor Tweedles 

Sloane.^^ 
Suspenders are up, collar buttons are down. 
And Sloane has gone broke and 's a charge on the 

town. 

His classmates have hinted with nod and with cough. 
And at last they decided to auction him off. 
Eleven and a half cents was all he would bring. 
With a discount, less clothing and diamond ring. 

Oh, Teddy is a hot box and Kermit is a scrapper. 
And little Farr 's a Way Back and Richardson a lapper; 
He lapped up fifteen quarts of milk. 
And Mr. Hinchman taught 

[ 847 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Young Kermit how to wash his hands 
Each time before he fought. 

And Teddy thinks the Pope of Rome 

Must find existence dandy^ 
For at whatever time of day. 

He always has free candy. 

Oh, little Farr/® how queer you are ! 

"Although a baby boy, 
I must not play with toys in class 

And Mr. Woods annoy." 

How quaintly Clark ^"^ his own name spells, 

'T is positively funny. 
C-1-a-c-k, and remarks 

H-u-n-n-y, honey. 

How Waterbury ^^ waves his name, 

And what a funny facy 
Has little Norman Sturgis 

And the energetic Macy. 

He cried aloud, "Kids, stop that noise," 

When little Tommy Hig^^ 
Threw books about among the boys 

And acted like a pig. 

Ah, Billy Ladd, 't is very sad. 

Thinks that the poet Bryant 
Ran twice for President and failed — 

On history too reliant. 
[ 348 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1902 

And Dana wants to know if he 

Requires special eyes 
To be entitled to a special 

Light that suits his size. 

'^ Although I am a lazy boy 

And fat, I pay attention," 
Says Farnsworth, loosening his belt 

To give his waist extension. 

Oh, Edmands looks hungry and Amory pined. 
Though I cannot explain what it means. 

For Edmands eats hickory nuts with the rind. 
And Amory might fill up on beans. 

Though he comes, as he tells us, from yonder world's 
Hub, 

He will not touch bread when it 's brown, 
And though of his townsmen the favourite grub. 

The pork and beans will not go down. 

So hungry is he that some chewing-gum fain 
From the Manager he would procure, 

Of Groton athletics — not used by the team, 
*T would never be missed, he is sure. 

There once was a stripling named Thayer,^*^ 
Renowned for his thinness of hair 
And thickness of waist, but his hair in his haste 
He pulled out one day in despair. 

[ 349 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

A maiden who dwelt in Wood's Holl 
Had stirred to the depths of his soul 
Susceptible Tubby — he 'd fain be her hubby, 
His passion he could not control. 

Next year his folks hired a place 
That so he might gaze at her face. 
At Wood's Holl, but the maid was to Europe 
conveyed. 
And Tubby got left in the race. 

I heard a funny tale of late 

About our friend McVickar Haight, 

That gentleman of note. 
And when you 've heard it you '11 agree, 
I reckon, brethren, with me. 

He acted like a Goat.^^ 

He once was driving in a hack. 
From opera, returning back ; 

In bed he thought, no doubt. 
He lay, so oped the carriage door. 
His boots and sundry garments more 

Took off and threw them out. 

One day a funny scene occurred 
Beneath the eye of Banty.^^ 

J. Whitney's actions were absurd. 
His breathing somewhat panty. 

It seems that water had been thrown 
On lavatory tiles, 
[ 350 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1902 

And Whitney had to swab it up 
'Neath Banty's genial smiles. 

He took a basin in his hand 

And waved it o'er the spot; 
From time to time his face he fanned, 

But dry it he could not. 

To wipe the floor by addyhumps 

Is quite a useless game, 
The beads that dropped from off his brow 

His efforts overcame. 

The Glee Club 's Tery musical. 

The Choir, too, is fair. 
But if you really wish to hear 

Sweet music in the air. 

The Fourth can furnish you a treat 

Of four melodious growlers ; 
Their name in full was told to me. 

The Hot Harmonious Howlers. 

There 's Pugwash ^^ and there 's Baker, 
There 's Butts and Dopy Wood, 

And music sweet they offer you 
When they are feeling good. 

We call them oatmeal, just for short. 
For when their notes are sounded. 

The "Harmony" ^* we hear might well 
With oatmeal be confounded. 
[ 351 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

There once was a chit with a bit of a wit. 
And his name it was Martin, I 'm told. 

He said that the chimney — I thought I should split- 
Smoked already, though but one day old. 

When Addison — Thayer 
Toppled over his chair. 

The vigorous Bunko Baker ^^ 
With zeal and with skill 
Proceeded to fill 

The office of undertaker. 

Now little Tom Hig 
Asked, "Who is that big. 

Bulky, somewhat fat middle-aged gent 
Who carried Thayer out. 
That warrior stout?" 

I wonder whom he could have meant. 

The Rector 's fled to foreign shores 

To get some needed rest. 
For parents' letters by the score 

His weary soul oppressed. 

But here 's a letter came one day, 

Writ by a loving mother, 
A charming note in every way. 

Would we had many another. 

"Old Lou 26 retires to bed each night 
At ten o'clock, and takes 
[ 352 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1902 

His bottle freely, slumbers light. 
At 'lev' 11 next morning wakes. 

''He then arises for a while 

And takes some nourishment. 
This life seems quite to suit his style. 

He 's perfectly content." 

Bubbles ^' is quaint, he always was. 
He could n't understand the cause 

The Freshmen cheered for six.^^ 
"Why not eleven.''" Bubbles cries, 
They always were, absurd, those Frys, 

At their arithmetics. 
He nailed his hut floor to the ground. 
"Help, help!" he cried when he was downed 

By some new kid o'erweening. 
Out of my way! I 'd have you know 
I 'm in the Second Form, ho, ho ! 

You understand my meaning. 

The Brooks House Dramatic and Musical Club 
Once called upon Stillman to visit the Hub. 
We need pretty costumes, oh, excellent Lummox, 
And we must have corsets to cover our stomachs. 

He went to the city. "Good Madam," quoth he, 
"Do you retail corsets.^ — Oh, no, not for me," 
He hastily cried when the maiden looked glum. 
And feared she had nothing quite suited to Lum. 

[ 353 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

^'A dairy maid's cap I must purchase," he added, 
"And much cotton wool — there are calves to be 

padded." 
The saleslady cried, — for he'd driven her wild, — 
"For goodness' sake, tell me, how old is the child?" 

And shall I pass unmentioned by 
Our much enduring Faculty 

Without a single word ? 
Nor tell you all their funny ways. 
Nor spread before your eager gaze 

The stories I have heard? 

^^V H Hist. S this sum, I guess 

I '11 solve you in a minute." 
So Mr. Garret takes the chalk 

And straightway doth begin it. 

And when the shades of evening fell. 
And when the sun was rising. 

He still was working at the board. 
His quickness is surprising. 

If you will tell how long the ship 

And number of the crew. 
The colour of the captain's cat, 

He '11 calculate for you. 

"Oh, see my pretty scarlet socks," 
With pride quoth Mr. Nichols. 

'^ And hose of blue and every hue 

That maiden's fancy tickles." 

[ 354 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1902 

They found a picture in his desk. 
Six German maids were grouped. 

Just think of that! 'twas marked "For Nat/' 
With whom the loop they 'd looped. 

They say that Mr. Billings makes 

Latin so interesting 
That Harry Sargent goes to sleep, 

A bully time for resting. 

They say that Mr. Gladwin 

So cross with Potter got 
He made him walk the whole way home. 

No bicycling for Pot. 

Although 't is said the Master, too. 

To wreak his vengeance dread. 
Walked every step on foot himself. 

Pushing his bike ahead. 

They say that even Mr. B. 

Rushed down the study hall. 
"Where are the ladies.^" was his cry; 

"Oh, ladies, hear my call." 

His agitation was extreme. 

Until he overtook 
The dames, and Brooks House went to bed 

Before their hands he shook. 

The General ^^ at Albany 
Startled the little Fishes,^^ 
[ 355 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And Mr. Ogilby, you 'd mix 

Him not with Grosvenor wishes.^^ 

Although there 's really no excuse 

For being so much out^ 
For Grosvenor 's raising a mustache. 

The red begins to sprout. 

When Mr. Woods the school-room keeps, 

He should n't wave his hand 
At ladies in the passage-way. 

Though the effect is grand. 

Poor Mr. Abbott is so moved 

By all the fair beholders. 
That watch him at the football games 

To see his mighty shoulders. 

And mighty chest and mighty legs. 

His physical director 
Has been obliged to order him 

To wear a heart protector. 

When Morgan is bothered by lessons and tasks. 

Detention and Masters and trouble. 
He makes up his mind he can't do the whole thing 

And wonders which Master will double 

The task left undone — so he chucks up a cent 
And decides, on the whole, the Professor 

Is less of a sucker than Woden, so from 
Two evils he chooses the lesser. 
[ 356 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1902 

I 'd like to add a word to close 

The order of the day, 
To run in squibs on all the boys. 

Including Monkey Fay.^^ 

For though he says I never could 
Include him in my rhymes. 

He 's a perpetual squib himself. 
Not merely at fixed times. 

But ah, my friends, time flows apace. 
We 're eighteen full years old. 

And year nineteen is almost here. 
And so my tale is told. 



[ 857 ] 



NOTES 

1 New Infirmary for Contagious Diseases. 

2 Mr. Garrett dwelt therein. 

3 F. H. Prince, Jr. 
* Norman Prince. 

5 Thornton Brown. 

6 F. B. Rives. 

"^ F. Foster and H. Potter. 
8 Captain H. M. Woolsey. 
^ Philip Suter. 
w K. Roosevelt. 

11 Hamilton Hadden. 

12 /. Lloyd Derby. 

13 S. B. Luce. 
1* Sidney Fish. 

15 M. D. Shane. 

16 B. Farr. 

17 F. H. Clark, Jr. 

18 R. Waterhury. 
1® r. Higginson. 

20 /. £. r^«z/er, Jr. 

21 Haighfs nickname. 

22 TV. Emmons. 

23 i7. JP. 0*6orw, Jr. 
2* Hominy. 

25 L. 5«A:er. 

26 L. iS^«rr, /r. 

27 /. i^n/. 28 ^9^^. 

29 Mr. Gushing. 

30 Stuyvesant and Sidney. 

31 Because of his hair. 

32 H. H. Faz/, Jr. 

[ 358 ] 



CHRISTMAS 
1902 

A Merry Christmas to you all, 

GrotonianSj young and old. 
Once more the genial Homestead Hall, 

'Mid winter's storm and cold. 

Flings open wide its doors to us. 

With welcome as of yore. 
In the brave days when we were young. 

In eighteen eighty-four. 

At this glad feast to-night we miss, 

Alas, the faces dear 
Of loved ones far across the sea,^ 

And would that they were here. 

Yet, 't is the magic of the time. 

The holy season's grace. 
That to our hearts they 're doubly near. 

Unheeding time and space. 

A health to our dear hostess, 

And all good Christmas joys 
To host and all the family — 

Now, let 's discuss the boys. 

Have you heard any news about football at School ? 

Ordinarily we in the fall have a game 
With a Southborough team, 't is a regular rule, 

St. Something or other, I don't know the name. 

[ 359 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

I remember last year how we had a fine score. 

Twenty-three to mere nothing, and we were so 
glad. 
Did William ^ make less? I don't s'pose he made more. 
Sure he didn't get beaten — that would ha' been 
sad. 

You need n't be worried, the game was all right. 
Though scores are uncertain as every one knows. 

And the boys they were nervous I think just a mite. 
For St. Markers make very good gridiron foes. 

We were confident, though, that the line would be 
crossed 

By some of our runners as surely as fate. 
For we knew that our fleet-footed Dill ^ had not lost 

Any speed, nor his brother old Lou ^ any weight. 

With our heavyweight forwards, the game was pure 
fun. 
And our quick-moving backs were not easy to beat. 
For Banty * would tackle and Blubber ^ would run 
And the sturdy-built Livingstone ^ would keep his 
feet. 

We 're much obliged. Bill, to your warriors and you. 
Your corking good team had St. Mark's in a fix; 

We '11 remember the 'leven of nineteen ought two. 
For we 're fond of that zero to just thirty-six. 

So Dilly,"^ my boy, it is now up to you, 

We hope you '11 do well as the others have done. 

[ 360 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1902 

We are satisfied now and we want nothing new^ 
Bill has got them — you keep them all still on the 
run. 

Have you heard what has happened to Stokes?^ 

Of late he 's unlike other folks. 
He practises smiles in the glass at odd whiles. 

And his attitudes really are jokes. 

In spite of his immature age 
He 's decided to go on the stage. 
He storms and he raves and his arms wildly waves 
In sign of despair and of rage. 

Of microbes and bacterias. 
And ailments most mysterious. 

We 've heard a lot of talk in seasons past; 
But of all the epidemics. 
Mingled with our academics. 

The very worst has broken out at last. 

Don't tell me, if you please. 
For I know the dread disease 

Too well, alas — I 've tasted Groton milk. 
*T is the foot and mouth complaint 
That declared its symptoms quaint 

When every one was feeling fine as silk. 

Unhappy Billy Ladd 

Had the foot disease so bad 

That he wears a shoe whose size is seventeen; 
[ 361 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

While the mouth disease afflicts 
Luckless victims five or six. 

Who talk and talk from morn till dewy e'en. 

G. Biddle never stops. 

So fatigued he nearly drops. 

And begs that you will teach him how to smile 
Like Stokes's smile so new. 
For his old one 's worn quite through. 

And he wants for Philadelphia some new style. 

But he talks and talks and talks 
When he sits and when he walks. 

And he murmurs "Dovey, Dovey" in his sleep. 
And he has n't time to smile 
A la Stokes or any style. 

And his symptoms are enough to make you weep. 

Oh, what is the matter with Haight? ^ 
Why is he so solemn of late? 

They 've fed him on goat's milk 

And read to him Goldsmith, 
But nothing appears to go straight. 

The truth is, his death he nigh found 
Through Richards, whose figure so round 

Made his bath overflow. 

With a vast undertow. 
And Haight, standing near, was nigh drowned. 

There is one of the kids who 's a nice little chap. 
He seems to inherit for football a taste; 
[ 362 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1902 

But between play and work there 's an awful wide 

gap. 
In the class-room his energy all goes to waste. 

T' other day I was puzzled in Latin to see 

Such a thing as a book he appears to disdain. 
Does he know the whole business — it seems queer 
to me 
That an immature youth should so trust in his 
brain? 

Ah, Reggie ^^ is shrewd and becoming more wise. 

No Master may think that he has a fine gag. 
When he says for the foot of the class there 's a prize. 

That that boy must carry the heavy mail bag. 

Reggie gathers it up with a confident smile. 

Of the things he will do he 's not anxious to boast; 

But we found the next day he 'd been thinking the 
while. 
For his school books have all gone away by the post. 

Why is Barty Larned languid. 

All but one spot pale and white? ^^ 

Tell me, poet, if you know it. 
What has spoiled his appetite? 

Well, one day he went a-calling, — 

On the mantel o'er the fire 
Was a photograph enthralling. 

Which he greatly did admire. 
[ 363 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Hearing footsteps swift approaching, 
Knowing it was scarcely right, 

Fearing she would catch him poaching. 
Grabbed and hid it out of sight. 

On returning to his study 

He unpocketed his prize: 
Lo, a cunning little poodle 

Lay before his wondering eyes. 

He had seized in spirit eager 

The wrong photograph it seems; 

Now he drinks sweet oil Omega, 
And things are not what he dreams. 

Billy Grosvenor Rouge ^^ and fair, 
I am well-nigh in despair; 
For though I may try to chaff 
Any joke to make you laugh. 

Make allusions to the red 
Light that plays about your head. 
Or your solemncholy smile. 
Or the Providential style 

Of your garments — all I say 
In my most facetious way, 
When the others' sides are splitting. 
On the landscape still you 're sitting. 
All you can be heard to mutter. 
Is — "Won't some one pass the butter?' 
[ 364 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1902 

Here is the enigma solved: 
Rouge one day at last resolved 
He would rouse him from his dope 
And with mathematics cope. 

"'Tis as plain as plain can be^ 
Mr. Ayrault, don't you see 
That these triangles is both 
To each other — by my troth — 

''As each other is to each, 

The hypothesis doth teach. 

As themselves is to each other — 

That's explained, now ask another." 

Jack Simons and Blair are in perfect despair 

Because in these poems no place 
For their talents renowned has ever been found, 

And they think it 's a shame and disgrace. 

Well, at last they 're entitled to fame. 
For each has obtained a new name: 
A songster is Jack, and Billy Blair's knack 
As a dancing man 's simply supreme. 

For I passed by their quarters one day. 
Where Blair a new pas de ballet, 
Of a fashion unique for some party next week. 
Was practising graceful and gay. 

While tunefully nightingale Jack, 
To provide for the orchestra's lack, 
[ 365 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Was singing a waltz^ every other note false. 
While Blair did his forward and back. 

What was the light mysterious 
That from the windows glared 

Of our new Gym that night of late ? 
I looked at it and stared. 

Then with a loud halloo a two 

Dashed bravely to put out 
The conflagration as they thought. 

What jvas it all about? 

Why, merely Mr. Ogilby and Richards, head to head. 
Were having just a talky talk together, it is said. 
When Herr Professor Griswold, with his scientific 

mind. 
Thought 't was a fire — called his troops — and started 

like the wind. 

He rushed to fight with flames and smoke 

- Headlong against the glare. 
Since then it 's not polite to say 
Red hair unto our Herr. 

Can you tell me, brother poet. 

What is Jeffy Newbold's age? 
I wish you would my eager 

Curiosity assuage. 

Although he 's more than six feet tall. 
He looks so fresh and green, 
[ 366 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1902 

He might be almost any age. 
From six to seventeen. 

I asked him and he answered me 
With somewhat bashful mien, 

"Indeed, I never have been kissed. 
And yet I 'm sweet sixteen." 

Baa, Baa, Barclay Farr, 
What a ladies' man you are! 
Fickle, too, I greatly fear; 
Three best girls within one year. 

Was it this, oh, poet good. 
Or Thanksgiving dinner food. 
That no word he would impart. 
Though a dame sat next his heart .f* 

Dame MacMurray waited long. 
But he would n't wag his tongue. 
And the reason he refused 
Was — he 'd not been introduced. 

Pray, tell me how the wily Clam^^ 
The postman keen evades. 

When he receives soft nothings from 
New Bedford's lovely maids? 

He scribbles answers on his cuffs 
And poems on his collars. 

And has his washing all sent home 
And fools his fellow scholars. 

[ 367 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Why does F. Biddle weep and wail? 
Why is his face so wan and pale? 

Good poet, tell me true. 
Why is it that he cannot sleep. 
Or dreams that make his flesh to creep 

Will certainly ensue? 

Why, 't is because a vision dread 
The other night stood o'er his head, 

And whispered in his ears: 
"Your brother George is doomed to be 
A clergyman, alas!" said he. 

And Francis waked in tears. 

Little Tom Tittlemouse Higginson, who 

Can tell me a method to pacify you? 

Shall I give him a cake. 

Or will he just take 

Six pieces of sugar — that innocent fake? 

Don't waste cake or dollar, 
But seize by the collar 
That erudite scholar 
And bundle him out. 

He 's been so polite 
Since yon fatal night 
That the treatment was right, 
There 's no manner of doubt. 

Oh, what can be the trouble 
With the orchestra this year? 
[ 368 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1902 

The laughing horse ^* sounds rough and coarse 
And grates upon the ear. 

The cello 's badly out of tune. 

The drums sound somewhat muffled. 

And worst of all, Herr Griswold, too. 
Looks just a wee mite ruffled. 

He 's had a tussle and he 's won 

With Mr. Bott they say. 
Who plays the murmuring piccolo 

In such a winsome way. 

Will you believe he could have been 

Such an unfeeling brute .^ 
He said he 'd lay his baton down 

Or else kick out that flute. 

When the winter winds are whistling. 
And the fields are white with snow. 

Why are Groton boys unwilling 
(I should greatly like to know) 

To avail them of permission 

To go riding in a sleigh? 
I should think they 'd rather like it. 

But the truth 's the other way. 

Well, you see they 've had a warning 
From Sam Crocker's dreadful fate : 

He got dumped the other morning, 
And the cause he does not state. 
[ 369 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

While Bob Bacon took a peaceful, 
Aged horse for Christmas green. 

Took a header in a snow-drift, 
And the trees on top were seen. 

'Twas the twelfth of December, the year nineteen 

two. 
And Masters and boys could n't find much to do. 
When a band armed with pistols, with sticks and with 

rocks. 
Went bravely out a-hunting in search of a fox. 
Tally-ho for Mr. Hinchman, tally Ogilby too. 
Tally-ho for Mr. Woods and Banty Emmons staunch 

and true. 

Oh, brave was their spirit and bold was every soul. 
When at last their eyes discovered what they took to 

be a hole. 
They soon had lit a fire and a beastly smoke had 

made. 
While Woden cocked his pistol and declared they 

were n't afraid. 
Tally-ho for Mr. Hinchman, tally Ogilby as well. 
And the rest of the proceedings, worthy brother poet, 

tell. 

Banty got upon his knees at once and blew about the 

litter. 
And the smoke came out the other end, but not a 

living critter. 

[ 370 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1902 

He takes a stick and pokes the flames and down the 

hole he pushes. 
And thinks at last the fox is somewhere hid in the 

bu-ushes. 
Tally-ho for poor old Banty, tally Ogilby once more. 
Their eyes were full of smoke and the whole thing a 

beastly bore. 

Then Mr. Hinchman barks aloud poor Reynard to 

alarm. 
And Mr. Ogilby declares 't would surely do no harm 
If he should try to imitate the squawking of a hen. 
Indeed, you would have thought them all a pack of 

crazy men. 

Tally-ho, bow-wow- wow, tally Ogilby — squawk. 

Tally-ho, Banty Emmons, and yards and yards of talk. 

When suddenly, before they hardly knew what they 
were at. 

From out the hole there jumped a rather lively com- 
mon cat. 

He fled into the forest, whither running no one wist. 
And Woden's gun went off" with one loud bang at him 

and missed. 
Tally-ho, hark away! tally-ho, what a day! 
Tally-ho for the hunters and the cat that got away. 

We 've got the latest methods of a modern education, 
We 've illustrated squibs and such for Duffer and 
for Star, 

[ 371 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

So tell me true, if I were you, some telling illustration, 
To teach the Second Form in French, the meaning 
of \oilk. 

Profound Professor Gladwin, with the kindest of in- 
tentions. 
Cries, "Voila Burnham, there he is!" and there he 
was complete. 
The class turned round and gazed upon two cheeks 
of large dimensions, 
A caramel on either side and blushing like a beet. 

Frank Sargent dropped a nickel. 
When he wanted chewing-gum. 

Into the Elevated's box. 

But nothing seemed to come. 

A minute he looked flustered. 
And a hayseed was pronounced. 

When in his dulcet tones — "I come 
From Boston," he announced. 

No climbing up the moving stair 

When jve the city round 
May wish to travel, but we use 

A vast hole underground. 

Our culture 's sometimes rather queer, 
And Freddy Prince doth think 

That Venus stuffed her rosy hands 
Into her mouth so pink. 

[ 372 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1902 

We know that Boston 's somewhat quaint. 

But still we never mix 
Our will's and shall' s and don't and ain't. 

Nor Schools and politics. 

And don't we hear about New York 

Extraordinary truths ? 
Or Philadelphia or Detroit 

Or Washingtonian youths ? 

F. Biddle marks his toothbrush 

By breaking it in twain. 
And Kermit ^^ has a dog who barks 

The numbers up to ten. 

And Mr. Garret says he thinks 

That Chrystie is an eel ; 
He must go home till he 's let loose. 

Or his resentment feel. 

Dill Starr thinks Parricides are bugs. 
Brown wears a sportsman's vest. 

And Seymour Blair shaves down — not hair. 
And wonders if 't were best 

To bring his Bible here to-night. 

While Piggy Low,i^ my dears. 
Dressed in such haste that he forgot 

To tuck in his long ears. 

He tripped upon them and he fell. 
Alas, his woeful plight! 

[ 373 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And Grizzy Webb himself arrayed 
In clothes of colour light. 

Rives says he 's not as innocent 
As some perhaps may ween. 

And Macy 's got six Ogilbys, 
And Wetmore 's got fifteen. 

While Clark thinks a parenthesis 

A sort of addyhumps. 
And other cities furnish all 

Varieties of chumps. 

But we must now go, for the time has now come 
When we say our good-byes for the winter recess. 

We are glad to leave Groton, though probably some 
Will be glad to be back in a fortnight, I guess. 

We are grateful to hostess and host, and we trust 
You will all have a first-rate vacation. 

Enjoy the short recess, you ought to, you must 
Have your fill of a good recreation. 

While we want Groton boys to enjoy it up here. 
The studies, the games, and the rest. 

Of all spots in the world at all times of the year 
Dulce Domum is ever the best. 



[ 374 ] 



NOTES 

^ Sabbatical year of Mr. Peabody and his family. 

2 Capt. H. M. Woolsey. 

^ Dilhvyn and Louis Starr. 

* N. Emmons. 

^ Lloyd Derby. 

^ C. L. Waterbury. 

"^ D. Starr. Captain of 35-0 eleven of 1903. 

8 H. P. Stokes. 

9 "The Goat:' 
^^ R. Waterbury. 
^^ Query: Nose? 

^^ Grosvenor of Providence. 

^^ Leander Plumrner. 

^* Professor Griswold's clarinet. 

^^ K. Roosevelt. , 

^^ A. Low. 



[ 375 ] 



BIRTHDAY 

1903 

THE poet of spring has his verses to sing, 
Some folks do not relish his rhyme, 
And the poet who drones in mellifluous tones 
The delights of the old summer time. 

But away the time flows and the couleur de rose 
Is exchanged for a colour more sober. 

So I here make my bow 'mid the tumult and row. 
Your bard of the fifteenth October. 

Vacation was really most awfully long, 

They gave us a whole extra week. 
And though I 've no doubt many thought it quite 
wrong. 

The rest showed a spirit most meek. 

Of course, they were idle and fearfully bored. 
But they passed the time after a fashion. 

And for want of employment, for Mabel or Maud 
Full many developed a passion. 

I might tell their secrets, I would if I dared. 
But they're awful when really enraged. 

It 's whispered about, but do not let it out, 
P. Boyer — don't tell — is engaged. 

George Richardson screams in the midst of his 
dreams, 
"I '11 be true, I'll be true, I'll be true." 
[ 377 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And Potsey ^ his woes through the bridge of his nose 
Loudly whistles to Jane or to Sue. 

While Jones ^ blushes redder and redder and redder, 
And Breese ^ for the tennis ground sighs. 

He sorely is missing that prime spot for kissing, 
And Buster * Brown 's wiping his eyes. 

The hearts of ten maidens this Buster has busted. 
Ten maidens who harked to his slogan. 

He vanquished their charms by all manner of arms. 
From pistol and arrows to Bogun. 

He weeps and he sighs and the streams from his 
eyes ^ 

At the thoughts of Long Island's fair daughter 
Don't furnish enough, so at table each day 

He spills every one's glasses of water. 

While Shrimp,^ the young imp, makes the maidens 
fieel limp. 

From East unto West as he sings. 
And in far Colorado the bold desperado 

Has got all the girls upon strings. 

And poor gentle Dormy's ^ experience stormy 

In Boston was really a shame; 
For two mortal hours he stayed — by the powers! 

But alas, the fair maid never came. 

While Amory,"^ they tell, on a Beverly belle 
Bestowed his best Groton hat-band 
[ 378 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1903 

If that exquisite she for his sake would agree 
To wear it and pledge him her hand. 

And Edmands, the Owl, rolls his eyes to the skies. 
As he thinks of the falseness of woman. 

And poor Selden Rose, when he dared to propose, 
Was spurned in a manner inhuman. 

The stout Skinny Prince^ was surprised not long 
since 

While writing a sonnet, they say. 
In praise of his fair one with carroty hair — 

He entitled the song ^^A Hot Day." 

And Coly MacDonald thinks oft of the days 
When the lady he cherished so dearly 

Would hang on his arm as he showed her the way 
From the famous establishment Brearly. 

And Pennington Pearson was badly cut out 

At a ball at Bar Harbour they tell. 
Mac Michael bore off his fair partner and she 

Declared he would do quite as well. . 

But bind up your sorrows, ye merry men all. 

There 's lots of good fish in the sea ; 
The misfortunes of others I now will relate, 

And perhaps they '11 restore you to glee. 

Judge Michael Mac Mike once thought he would 
like 
To indulge in an ulligant swim. 
[ 379 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Each Bar Harbour girl was all in a whirl 
And postponed her own dippy for him. 



Himself then he clad in the best that he had. 

Blue and red were his little legs fat_, 
And the maidens declared when they saw him — they 
dared 

Not plunge in the briny with That. 

Mac Michael was wroth since the girls were so loath, 
And averred he 'd not go in that day; 

He retired with a pout, dressed again, and cleared 
out. 
And his blue and red togs gave away. 

But such a dislike took this sensitive Mike 

To bathing in general that he 
Gave all his bath nights to Seward Webb, who 

No use for them has, as you see. 

Seward lives on the brains of wild pheasant, and gains 

His portly proportions of late 
From a diet of snakes, and his household pets makes 

Of the snakes up in Shelburne they state. 

Oh, poor forlorn and doleful Rives, 
His melancholy visage grieves 

My being to the quick. 
Whoever 'd think that 'neath the woe 
Depicted on his face, he 'd go 

Concoct a monkey trick! 
[ 380 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1903 

He bet young Cutting ^ he could never 
Project his knife across the river. 

Young Cutting "Pooh" did shout. 
He hurled the knife— it splashed and sank, 
Of course he had himself to thank. 

But he was one knife out. 

'Tis just as well, that fatal knife 
Had nearly cost young Cutting's life. 

For when he tried to shave 
In moment rash his young mustache. 
He made a gash, a horrid hash. 

Which brought him nigh the grave. 

Upon the floor and desk his gore 

Went spouting from the wound. 
I tell you 't was a gruesome sight. 

And Tommy Barber swooned. 
/ • 

The kids are most polite 

I heard the other night. 
When Sampson called a Prefect "Sir," 

'T was really out of sight. 

And Smouchy,!^ ^s they say. 
When he goes out to play. 
Perfumes his hair, and to the foe 
All signals gives away. 

While to amuse the crowd 
Heard stands serene and proud; 
[ 381 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

And while his brethren work and fight 
Plays the hand-organ loud. 

And Atwater — 'tis fame 
From proper sense of shame, 
To hear his own voice is too shy. 
Or answer to his name. 

John Parker keeps all in a trance 
By whistling a popular dance; 
He never will stop till he 's ready to drop 
If the Master will give him a chance. 

The little Brice is awful nice, 

So quiet and polite; 
You 'd never find him playing hob 

Or rough-housing at night. 

Upon the football field he stood. 

A favour he would beg 
From Mr. Peabody — now some 

Might kick him in the leg. 

Or poke his ribs, or say, "Look here." 

Oh, no, with manner grand. 
Exactly as it were in class. 

He just held up his hand. 

When Watson Blair, with artless air. 

Said he had got a hint 
For me to write and read to-night, 

A thing he called a "squint," 
[ 382 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1903 

I turned and asked him was it true 

He never took a shower, 
Or bath or plunge or e'en a sponge. 

Since yonder fatal hour 

When first he joined our Groton ranks ? 

He showed no sense of shame, 
But honest pride, as he replied 

He 'd washed before he came. 

When Minnow Fish ^^ went forth to sail, 
A cry arose above the gale. 

Resounding in his ears; 
A cry as of a drowning wight 
Came whistling o'er the breakers white. 

Exciting all his fears. 

His helm he quickly put about 
To save a life, with courage stout; 

The tempest howled the brisker. 
After long search he no one found. 
And thus perceived the source of sound 

Was zephyrs in his whisker. 

The famous clan of Amory 

Through all the world around. 

For famous feats of memory 
Has ever been renowned. 

Oh, I should much have liked to hear 
My little cousin Charlie 
[ 383 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

Before the Sacred Study class 
Describe the famous parley. 

And all the details of the fight, 

Unless my memory lieth. 
With every word and blow which passed 

'Twixt Jason and Goliath. 

Hoffman is much dissatisfied 

With Groton's simple fare. 
He lately tried to suicide 

In absolute despair, 

Because we do not have each day 

Expensive oyster stew. 
And life is scarcely worth the while 

Where oysters are so few. 

Mrs. McMurray proudly wears 
The gem he tried to foist U- 

'pon her as a first-class pearl 
Which he found in an oyster. 

Poor, poor Doctor Moore 

Tried the blinds to close. 
When the blind most unkind 

Swung to on his nose. 

Blind with pain once again 

Out his head he thrust. 
But the pane a glass one proved 

By the blind one bust. 
[ 384 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1903 

See the pun? Ain't it fun? 

Different kinds oi pain. 
Never mind, if you 're blind 

Don't do so again. 

They say that Hardwick and hard work are such 

friends 
That he does n't much care if this term never ends; 

For during the holidays gay , 
Double portions of food three or four times as good 
Instead of vacation are served as a ration 

To those who prefer here to stay. 

So Hardwick 's decided to write to his folks: 
He '11 spend Christmas up here if they think they 
can coax 
The Rector to promise him true 
That pillow fights, scraps, and free rough-house shall 

sway 
With beefsteak and turkey served three times a day. 
And fish and corned beef be taboo. 

I gave a tea the other night 

And issued invitation 
To half a dozen kids to come 

And taste of my collation. 

But Dana Anderson said No, 
Was it that he was seedy? 

I later found it was not so, 
But only he was greedy. 
[ 385 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

My tea and cake he thought perhaps 

Were fairly decent stuff. 
But for a really greedy boy 

They were not half enough. 

To yonder village swift he hied 

For chocolate to munch, 
And having lined his vast inside. 

He came to me to lunch. 

They say when Mr. Leach 
Feels a longing for a peach. 
Or an apple or an orange or a pear, 
"Go to, go to," says he, "I need merely take my key 
And help myself to all that I can bear." 

For this Faculty recruit is high guardian of the fruit 
In the closet where the odours sweet abide. 

Far different from roses which salute the hapless noses 
Of those who in the studies blue reside. 

Yet why should fellows care if he a reasonable tariff 
From importers of those dainties should exact? 

And if, in charging duty, he consumes some speckled 
beauty, 
There 's nothing very shocking in the act. 

But the trouble that at night is taken for appendici- 
tis. 
Or at any rate that makes him pace the floor, 

[ 886 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1903 

Interferes with the loud guffaws of the good old- 
fashioned rough-house, 
So we hope he '11 never do so any more. 

At the wonted bathing hour 
He indulged him in a shower. 

With a towel lightly wrapped about his head. 
Harry Sargent, young and bad, thought him just some 
other lad. 

So he flung at him a reeking sponge and fled. 

Poor Mr. Nichols, his shirt collar tickles. 
Or else he 's not pleased with its style; 

His cries of distress could be heard for no less 
Than something about half a mile. 

Oh, will you not fly, passer-by, passer-by. 

And bring to my Mansion of Pain,^^ 
From the sewing-room box an assortment of stocks .^^ 

For I ne'er shall wear collar again. 

You see he expects that most useful of necks 
Made of rubber — I hardly need mention. 

He thus can acquire for use when the Choir 
Won't pay him the best of attention. 

We heard he had taken to bubbling of late 

But the one time he ever was seen 
At this sort of sport, or so they report, 

He was running a sewing machine. 

[ 387 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

But among the misfortunes with which he 's been 
plagued^ 

I think the most dreadful of all 
Was when in the bushes he with three wild rushes 

Attempted to fall on the ball. 

And talking of rubber, 't is much worn they say 

By leaders of fashion, a few of 'em. 
By exquisite scholars, in very high collars. 

And Newbold and Gambril are two of 'em. 

S. Biddle of that clan unique 
Is making a success of Greek, 

He 's mastered the word ""Ova's.'' 
Though but the fifth part of an ass. 
As Mr. Abbott said in class, 

Kat yKoXovOu <l>oj/os. 

He thought he needed a new vest 
To grace the feast to-night. 

He borrowed one from Barclay Farr, 
He was a lovely sight. 

Little Clark, oh, little Clark, 
You remember the remark 
Mr. Ogilby once made 
To his listening scholars? 

Count the fingers on your hand 
If you wish to understand; 
But he wished he had n't spoke. 
Not for sixty dollars. 
[ 388 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1903 

Little Clark held up his fist. 
While the class with wonder whist 

Thought him going to blubber. 
But he only smiled with joy. 
And that else respectful boy 

Gently murmured "Rubber." 

Hadden and Gaps ^^ and Boyer, Starr, Higginson and 

Sawyer, 
Descended upon Newport just to show them how to 
do it. 
The Avenue woke up and stared. 
And all the cottagers declared 
There ne'er was such a season since 
The time when first they knew it. 

A group of them descended in costumes strange and 
splendid 
Upon the hospitality of Sidney Fish so meek. 
They only came to dinner with the unsuspecting 
Minner,^^ 
But he did n't well get rid of them for something 
like a week. 

Oh, the horrors of that season. 
We trembled for the reason 
Of Boyer, who sustained a really paralyzing fright. 
For Psyche ^^ up and burgled. 
And Phil ^^ jibbered, shrieked and gurgled. 
And insisted on two roommates for the balance of 
the night. 

[ 389" ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

While Gaps procured a poker — 
He always was a joker — 
And hiding 'neath a potted palm he aimed it 
at the head 
Of the robber, grim and awful. 
At his handiwork unlawful. 
And exclaimed in quavering accents, ''Not a 
step, or you are dead." 

Dicky Gambril, young and fair. 
Lacked a Book of Common Prayer, 

Also he loved candy ; 
When a box from Huyler's came. 
How could Dicky be to blame 

If he thought it dandy? 

But the Rector said not so. 

''Right straight home the box shall go, 

Sweets are not permitted." 
Back it went against his will; 
Dick who lacks a prayer book still 

Surely should be pitied. 

Poor old Harding was on a time regarding 
His image in a mirror, and he stroked his 
whitey beard. 
"I am fat and I 'm romantic. 
But it nearly drives me frantic 
To think that in the poem I have never yet 
appeared." 

[ 390 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1903 

He may be fat and whitey, and he 's lovely in his 
nighty. 
And he weighs two hundred pounds, and that is 
huge; 
But he 'd be a bit more hefty if he 'd try the method 
defty 
Employed for gaining weight by BiUy Rouge/'^ 

Who called his friends' attention to the marvellous 
extension 
During bathing of his own avoir du poids; 
His heavy towel wearing, on the scales he stood, de- 
claring. 
He had gained full twenty pounds, to all the boys. 

Mr, Ogilby fair has lovely red hair. 

Or such is T. Higginson's claim. 
He begged I 'd insert the above in my rhyme. 

But hoped I 'd not drag in his name. 

For he 's feeling quite feeble, his meals disagree. 

Dyspeptic and hectic his cough. 
For good pork and beans quite otherwise taste 

When consumed standing up at the trough. ^^ , 

And he can't do his work, he has so much to do. 

Detention, triangles and such. 
And he begs you won't give him a half hour more. 

Poor Tommy, 't is really too much. 

But as I have said, an exquisite red 
Adorns the Ogilbian locks, 
[ 391 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

But the hue of his tresses caused many latenesses 
To those unprovided with clocks. 

In Infirmary Hall the inhabitants tall 

On a system of signs had agreed : 
A curtain he 'd hang when the outer bell rang. 

So to worry they never would need. 

If a curtain of green in the window were seen, 
'Twas a sign they must hustle like sin; 

But they never need hurry nor feel any worry 
If a curtain of red were therein. 

One day he forgat and unconsciously sat 
With his head on the window reclining; 

Alas, for their fate, the whole outfit were late. 
And they found all the bretheren dining. 

The best thing I 've to sing to you 
Is hardly a new thing to you. 

And yet, though old, 't is dear. 
We've got a set of faces 
In the old accustomed places. 

And I tell you we are glad to have 
them here. 

The Rector and the Mrs. 
And their five young hopeful blisses 
Have come to us again from foreign 
parts ; 

[ 392 ] 



BIRTHDAY 1908 

They 're looking young and sprightful. 
And I '11 tell you it 's delightful 

To greet them from the bottom of our 
hearts. 

But along with the fair daughters, 
They have brought us o'er the waters 

An exquisite romantic-looking beast; 
A dachshund or a collie. 
Or a little pug-dog jolly. 

Would n't serve us to describe him in 
the least. 

I think he is a setter. 

Or, for want of something better, 

A greyhound one might guess but for 
the fur; 
But although he is a beauty. 
It remains my painful duty 

To confess that he is just a yaller cur.^^ 

Oh, well do I recall to-night. 

Some seven years ago 
This very day, a Master said, 

^^My brother, do you know 

''A dozen years have rolled away 
Since first we entered here 

Upon the useful, happy work 
Which now has grown so dear? 

[ 393 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

"Could there have been a better life 
Than God has made our lot — 

To do His work and till His field 
In this beloved spot?" 

"Happy indeed," I cried, and still 

Repeat it here to-day: 
"Dearer and happier to me 

As each year rolls away." 

God bless the future, and our work 

Bless as in days of yore, 
Still side by side in mutual help, 

For nineteen birthdays more.^^ 



[ 394 ] 



NOTES 

1 H, Potter. 
^ A. M. Jones. 
^ J. Breese. 
* Thornton Brown. 
^ Norman Sturgis. 
« F. Foster. 
■^ C. M. Amory. 
^ Morton Prince. 
^ Suydam Cutting. 

10 H. Roosevelt. 

11 Sidney Fish. 

1^ Mr. Nichols dwelt in the " Cottage" for co7itagious dis- 
eases. 

1^ John Clark. 

1* G. G. Bacon. 

1^ Stuyvesant Fishy Jr. 

1^ P. Boyer. 

1^ W. Grosvenor. 

1^ Side table where the ill-mannered eat standing. 

1® Pompey. 

^*^ Mr. Billings received this day a call to a Brooklyn 
Parish. He declined after some iveeks of cotisideration. 



[ 395 ] 



CHRISTMAS 

1908 

I AM a poor, unaided, helpless thing, 

All, all alone to-night my song I sing; 

For when I ask a question, it falls flat — 

The Oracle has gone on a Sabbat.^ 

Instead, then, of the usual duet 

Performed with him whose absence we regret, 

Your poet is compelled to change his tone 

And do the Pythian Priestess act alone. 

But when I offer problems to myself I 

Must recollect I am no more in Delphi 

Where frequent draughts of the Castalian Spring 

Might stimulate most any one to sing. 

No, naught is left but chocolate and cake. 

E'en tea I 'm not permitted to partake.^ 

So Sunday nights when I have sipped my choc, 

I arm me with a pen and paper block. 

And make the dome resound with my appeal 

That each will all the deeds of each reveal. 

Squibs! Squibs! I cry, when round me with a clamour 

The kids my ear drums thus begin to hammer 

And hope that I '11 embody in my verse 

Some feeble jokes like these — or even worse: 

" Oh, Burnham is fat, or Clark has no hat. 

Or Sargent does nothing but snore. 

Or Duffer ^ in Latin don't know where he 's at, 'n' 

Poor Krech was stood out on the floor. 

Or Williams is a well-red youth. 

He 's red all over, 't is the truth; 

[ 397 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

His underclothes from socks to shirt 
Are briUiant scarlet they assert. 
Or Little Low, oh. Piggy Low * 

His crimson napkin waved 
At an angry cow, and they tell me how 

His precious life was saved. 
For away he flew — he was frightened blue — 

To his home in the Pig Pen dark," — 
And they give you more of such squibs by the score 

On white-headed Dixon or Clark. 
How Spiggotty ^ tiny endeavours to shine, he 

Declares he 's a chip of old Don, 
The family toothbrush that hangs by the sink. 

Or of Jeffy,^ or Bubbles,"^ or John. 
Mike ^ and Grosvenor are tramps, Blair and Foster are 
scamps. 

And Pompey® chewed Smouchy's^^ golosh; 
Hunnewell is a swell, so is Warner they tell. 

And acres and acres of bosh : 
How Christie once locked himself into a locker. 
And jokes about Bartow ^^ or some other Crocker. 
How Rogers got locked in the Robing Room Closet 
And Heard got a ten or a zero — which was it.^ — 
When he tried to impress with his learning and speech 
That wary old bird, the acute Mr. Leach. 

We have listened, oh, we've listened with unmitigated 

joy 

To a marvellous performance unassisted by a boy; 
The Faculty they did it, by themselves they did — 
alone, 

[ 398 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1903 

And a special radiance over the proceedings they have 

thrown. 
They cleared their throats and struck up with a har- 
mony seraphic 
A selection which can only be described in language 

graphic 
As quite the crowning triumph of all Groton's famed 

quartettes^ 
Melojious-ojious murmurings of Mr, Nichols' Pets.^^ 
I 'm told they 're most irreverently nicknamed by the 

boys 
The Christmas aggregation of Old Nick's rejected 

toys. 
While Mr. Abbott plays an obligato on the flute, 
Which let us thank our stars is but a mute and cannot 

toot. 

And now I think of Mr. Nichols, 

Have you heard his fate.'* 
The very thought my fancy tickles. 

What he did of late. 

At a shop, alas, alack, he. 

Once upon a time. 
He essayed to buy some baccy. 

Costing half a dime. 

He handed the amount ter 

A lady bright and clever. 
Who stood behind the counter 

And was just the smartest ever, 
[ 399 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

She saw his youthful trembUng, 

She knew he came from School, 
So formed a plan dissembling 

The Rector's eye to fool. 
^^I 'm sure that it would save yer. 

My little man/' she cried, 
"Some marks for bad behaviour 

If I the parcel tied 
Into a little packet 

Resembling simple candy — 
'T would save you from a racket." 

When with his manner grand he 
Deposited his half a dime, 

Snatched up the goods and ran. 
He thinks it 's really almost time 

They knew a grown-up man. 
They say he uses much perfume 

With which with instinct wary 
He tried to disinfect his room 

In yonder Cottage ^^ airy. 
But after all he gave it up 

And simply fled the coop. 
The cackling of the Chicken-Pox, 

The whooping of the Whoop 
Have so disorganized his nerves 

That quit he really ought ter. 
It makes him feel, as he observes. 

Like onejifth of a quarter}^ 

Oh, Kingsford is a merry little party. 

It really does one good to see him round; 
[ 400 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1903 

His sunny smile so cheery and so hearty^ 

And jolly laugh are getting quite renowned. 
And yet he was not always so 't is rumoured, 

At first we thought he had the chronic grumps, 
So homesick and so melancholy humoured 

That every one had nicknamed him Jim Dumps. 
But what a change has come since his arrival! 

We sometimes scarce believe him really him. 
And since this altogether grand revival 

He now is known to all as Sunny Jim. 

Oh, Butter Ball, my Blubber Bags,!^ 

Why is it when you eat 
That we so often gaze at you 

Erect upon your feet.'* 
Methinks it simply must be this: 

So full you are of food 
That in the cramped position 

Of a sitting attitude 
You simply cannot stuff in more, 

So just to straighten up. 
You jump and shake your dinner down 

And thus make room to sup. 
One cranny more you thus obtain 

To cram more morsels in, 
But cannot then sit down again, 

And now you feel like sin. 

The gentle Wilmer ^^ sometimes tries 
The patience of his teachers, 

[ 401 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

But never his own temper fails, 

This tenderest of creatures. 
When Mr. A.^^ throws books at him, 

He says in accents bland: 
'^Oh, man of splendid qualities. 

Your character is grand." 

One day Johnny Parker was called up in Class, 
And pronounced with some sternness a consummate ass. 
The title John Parker accepted with glee. 
And as squib for this poem he gave it to me. 
I wish he would give me a bit of his hair. 
The cousinly tribute I 'm sure he could spare. 
Just look at his Psyche Knot worn on the brow 
Instead of behind — 'tis the fashion just now. 

Dan, Dan,^^ the wise young man. 

Most wonderful to state, 
Has much the best taste in the School, 

For when he passed his plate, 
This merry Sargent lad, one day 

For that great king of dishes — 
The corned beef red — ^'By Jove," he said, 

^^This Venison is dehcious." 

And talking on this subject. 

The subject sweet of grub. 
The worthy Hen ^^ and his merry men 

Have started a Manners Club. 

If puns are uttered by mistake. 

Or mouthfuls are too big, 
[ 402 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1903 

Or kids play giddy pelican. 
Or gobble like a pig. 

Or overset a pitcher — 

To expiate the crime 
Charity 's made the richer. 

They 're mulcted half a dime. 

The Sixth are puzzled sorely 

At choice of a profession, 
And when an opening shows itself 

They straightway take possession. 

Two courses have been offered to 

The subject of my jokes. 
Two offers highly flattering 

Been made to Harold Stokes, — 

A French modiste or dressmaker 

Might offer some variety. 
Or lady patroness, they write. 

Of a Good Works Society. 

But Stokes declines the proffers. 

His health will not permit it, 
Anonyma afflicts his head. 

He 's truly to be pitied. 

I 'm sometimes called upon to sit 
In these my rhymes on Pie Eye Schmitt,^® 
Who when Jack Suter blushed 

[ 403 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

At being called the second best 
Soprano in the Choir_, confessed 

He thought the speaker gushed: 
For Jack has grown so very bad. 
That boisterous, rambunctious lad. 

His cubicle he kicks 
In rage one night, though he said that 
He gave it but a tender pat — 

But he got soaked for six. 

Oh, Pie Face, Pie Face, there you sit, 
Oh, Minnott of the name of Schmitt, 

A harmony in white. 
His lugs they say are just sublime. 
He rolls his pants up every time 

To just the proper height. 
White is the colour he prefers. 
And Kermit ^^ in his rhymes avers 

That in the Fives Court Hallways 
His gloves are white and white the ball. 
His shoes, his pants, his hair and all, 

Only his face — not always. 

I 've heard of the pleasures of hunting of Snarks, 

Or chasing the anise-seed trail. 
But the rapture of hunting and chasing St. Mark's 

Makes all other pleasures to pale. 
Hurrah, then, hurrah, Dilly Starr, Dilly Starr, 

For though I to boast would not seem. 
Though they may have their share of good points I 'm 
aware. 

We just wope up the ground with their team.^^ 

[ 404 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1903 

Jimmy Howe^ what's the row? 

Why so green and sickly? 
Why, as you often do, 

Leave the Chapel quickly? 

On a day, as they say. 

He with box of sweets 
Chmbs a dormitory beam. 

Where he eats and eats. 

What ill luck! there he's stuck! 

Jimmy all forlorn 
Thinks that he starved will be. 

For the candy 's gone. 

Nimrod,^^ the mighty hunter. 

Had trouble with his valet. 
Who said a few unpleasant things 

Not suiting Nimmy's palate. 
His folks were on a journey. 

So Nimmy thought he 'd pounce 
Upon this fine occasion 

That valet rude to bounce. 
The cook, however, followed 

And eke the lady's maid. 
The nurse, the coachman, and the boots, 

And not a servant stayed. 
Nim felt a trifle worried. 

And then alas, alack! 
Their journey they had hurried. 

And Nimmy's folks came back. 
[ 405 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

" Oh, father dear/' said Nimmy, 

''No words to waste there 's need, 
I acted prompt and wisely, 

I deed, I deed, I deed." 
The father smiled benignly. 

His plan went somewhat deeper. 
No valet now he 's hired for Nim, 

But one they dub his "Keeper." 

Fry, Smouchy and Briee, that trio so nice. 

Are filled with a horrible dread 
Of burglars and bugaboos, goblins and ghosts. 

And hardly dare get into bed. 
They wake up and scream when some blood-curd- 
ling dream 

Their pillows may happen to visit. 
They yell for their ma's or their pa's, and my 
stars ! 

Did you hear it? Oh, mommer! What is it? 
Parker walks in his sleep and it makes their flesh 
creep. 

Or they get a dread glimpse of MacVeagh 
With a long shaggy mane, like a goblin insane — 

They gurgle and wish for the day. 
They shriek for the light in a passion of fright, 

Oh, vision of fear and despair! 
Their blood it runs cold, on a gibbet behold 

H. Rogers hung up by the hair. 
The bard recommends to his terrified friends. 

They go to F. Biddle so nice, 

[ 406 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1903 

Who 'gainst sights infernal, records in his journal 

The following wholesome advice: 
"I 've given up steak, and liow freely partake 

Of fish and corned beef for repast, 
And this treatment unique has produced in a 
week 

A digestion I deem unsurpassed." 

A fatal game of football occurred on Soldiers' Field, 
At which I grieve to tell you old Harvard had to yield. 
But have you heard the sequel, the sad mishap to 

crown. 
An awful visitation occurred to Buster Brown .f*^^ 
His head it grew and grew so that by the Sunday morn 
'Twas seven sizes larger than when that youth was 

born. 
He had to buy a headpiece, a thirteen and a half. 
And even then his efforts to wear it made one laugh. 
He jammed it and he squeezed it upon his manly brow, 
But still it did n't suit him nor fit him even now. 
To make it slide on smoothly and further pain to save, 
His elegant side whiskers he was compelled to shave. 

A mighty man of valour 

Is young Samson ^^ — like the old one. 
Why, then> the ghastly pallour 

On the visage of this bold one ? 
He 's in a dreadful quandary 

Between opposing fires. 
And on the case to ponder he 

A moment's space requires. 
[ 407 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

His orders are conflicting. 

For Blagden ^^ has decreed 
That he to football practice 

This minute must proceed. 
While strange to say the Master 

The ordinance disdains, 
And in the school-rooiTi Samson 

For idleness detains. 
A moment's hesitation, 

A moment's anxious doubt, 
The Master is n't looking. 

And Samson just slips out. 
He 'd rather get six black marks, 

Or any dread disgrace. 
Or half a dozen Rectors, 

Than Blagden' s fury face. 

P. Boyer one day got more dotty, they say, 

And said to the nurse, Miss Potter, 
That two boiled eggs he 'd have, and he begs 

She 'd get him a bag of hot water; 
And unless she did as P. Boyer bid 

And sent for Hadden Hammily, 
The roof he 'd raise, and there 'd follow, he says, 

A death in the Potter family. 

Just give him some chalk and a line he 'd walk 

To prove his perfect sanity. 
He wept and he smiled and was savage — then 
mild. 
With a cackle of vacant inanity. 
[ 408 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1903 

His bidding to do^ Miss Potter then flew, 
The hot water bottle she brung it. 

But he hid it when she did n't happen to see 
And said from the window he 'd flung it. 

" Who is this kid with the eyes so red?" 
"My name it is MilHken, sir," he said. 
"Why are you sorrowful, my little lad.^* 
What has occurred to make you sad?" 

"Yon cruel Master, sir," he said, 
"Slung a big black mark at my head." 
"Him with the specs on, there?" said I. 
"Yes, sir," said Milliken, ready to cry; 
"That big man with the look so grim, 
Him that they nickname Slouchy Tim.^' 
He 's the new Master in French they say. 
Looks like a Dago, anyway." 
"Oh, Mr. Timmins, I beg on my knees. 
Take off his black mark, won't you please?" 

One day they say that Sidney Biddle, 
Though not afflicted in his middle. 

Nor feet, nor e'en his head. 
In perfect health and strength retired, 
A thing he 's doubtless long desired. 

To spend three days in bed. 

He was not ill, he was not lazy. 
And though his words at times are crazy. 
He's never short of breath ; 
[ 409 ] 



GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 

But his complaint, ah, wretched sinner. 
Tore him from breakfast, lunch and dinner — 
He suffered from Black Death. 

Within his cubicle reposing. 

His eyes in gentle slumber closing, 

A graduate once lay. 
In dewy sleep, with hair unkempt, he 
Had occupied the bed left empty 

While Biddle was away. 

When Grizzy Webb ^^ with stealthy motion 
Approached and had the joyous notion 

To heave at him a slipper, 
*'Wake up, wake up, young Beets," he cried, 
And at the graduate he shied 

The shoe — oh, wicked Hipper! 

It really is to all of us unspeakable relief 

To find that Mr. Jefferson has not yet come to grief ^^ 

We had an anxious moment which made all turn 

faint and pale. 
His voice might not be heard here since the owner 

was in jail. 
Thank goodness that his trial does n't come until next 

week; 
No hanging will ensue nor such experience unique. 
We hope sincerely and that he, poor man, while he 's 

away. 
Will enjoy the turkey which the prisons serve on 

Christmas Day. 

[ 410 ] 



CHRISTMAS 1903 

The hours fly by and Groton's years increase 
In wondrous joy, prosperity and peace, 
And still to welcome us in dark and cold, 
The Homestead hearth burns brightly as of old. 

The blessed Christmastide has come again 
With holy message of good will to men. 
Laurel and holly and the Yule log's blaze 
Once more proclaim the coming of the days 

When peace and kindness, plenty and good cheer. 
And greetings warm unite to crown the year. 

What greeting warmer than the first of all. 
Our Merry Christmas in the Homestead Hall? 
To all I bid it, and my rhyme is done. 
And so good night, God bless us every one. 



THE END 



NOTES 

I The Rev. S. Billings, G. S. Delphic Oracle jWas in Eu- 
rope taking a Sabbatical vacation. 

^ Tea for younger boys was abolished in October. 

3 R. Clifford. 

* A. Low. 

^ Nichols. 

^ Newbold. 

'^ Fry. 

8 McMichael. 

^ Rose Peabody^s yellow dog. 

10 H. Roosevelt. 

II Bartow Crocker. 

1^ Messrs. Jefferson, Richards, Woods and Ogilby. 

1^ The Pain Dome. 

1* Nichol or Half Dime. 

15 G. Silsbee. 

1^ W. Hoffman. 

1"^ Mr. Abbott. 

1^ D. Sargent. 

1^ J. Auchincloss. 

20 C. M. Amory. 

21 K. Roosevelt. 

^ Thirty-five to nothing. 

2^ N. Prince. 

2^ T. Brown. 

25 R. Samson. 

26 M. Blagden. 

2*^ G. H. Timmins. 

28 G. Webb. 

2^ Slander trial, Powell vs. Jefferson. 



MAY 6 J904 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 






017 189 469 4 » 



